Lt. Cmdr. Josh Herrick: Pushing
Mark P
((Chief Engineer’s Office, Deck 20, USS Thor))
Being a first officer was different than what Josh had expected. Being a department chief, meant you had a handful of people below you. Now, 749 folks rolled up to Josh, with layers of department leaders in between. The commander had come down to check in on Morro, whose chief role had been thrust upon him twice over.
The Orion was still wringing his hands over the events on the Butler, and Josh had tried to frame the scenario through another lens: sending officers you knew would meet certain death in handling a cascade failure to save the ship.
Caras: And I can’t do it myself. I’d pick the best officers I know that could save the most lives. You know, the needs of the many.
Herrick: But they’re innocents, no?
Caras: They are also starfleet officers. They know what they signed up for, and that doesn’t make it any easier, but it does make it more clear.
Herrick: The bulk of whom wore Starfleet uniforms.
Even those who weren’t officers were facing a lifetime of imprisonment and servitude. They were a commodity of collectable playthings, traded and auctioned. It was clear that given the choice of sacrificing their lives or allowing the travesty to continue, their alternate selves would choose the former.
Caras: Honestly, in a way that almost seems worse. Like we’re the fodder that gets churned between the universes. We stand in the way so much that now we’re a hilarious collectible commodity to unscrupulous psychopaths. I never want to be the one that makes Starfleet a death sentence, and that day I did.
Josh paused for a moment. Morro’s words sounded dangerously close to thoughts he’d had a year ago and the same ones that had prompted his father’s resignation from the shipyards following Frontier Day. In challenging times, it was hard not to compare the organization to a meat grinder.
He took a moment to gauge Morro, only responding as the silence stretched to the point of being unbearable. The first officer had shaken himself out of that funk; maybe he could help the engineer do the same.
Herrick: What I see is a proven engineer having difficulty reconciling the unintended effect of one action against a proven career. From the moment you requested asylum, to entering the academy, followed by your service on the Thor and the Butler, your record is exemplary. Everyone has difficult moments, ::with more emphasis:: It certainly doesn’t come off as reckless or as a harbinger or death.
Caras: Then maybe you don’t know everything about me, Josh. Maybe I am just a dirty Orion to the core. A Pirate and a sabatour. Someone who wanted the blood of the ones that hurt his friends and took it too far. I lost control, and now I'm in a position where I control half of the engineering systems of a ship, but all of them. The Captain relies on me, you rely on me to make sure that control is in check. That the crewmen working under me are safe.
Josh felt he was navigating a minefield and was finding a new appreciation for the counselling duty post now more than ever.
Herrick: If that’s true Lieutenant, then why did you both to enlist? There’s no shortage of organizations that would want the skillset that you can offer.
Caras: I feel like Starfleet really got me. They really got me to believe in everything they stand for and make it a part of myself. Make me a part of them.All of my best friends are Starfleet officers, my romantic partner is in Starfleet. It’s everything I was missing from my life that I didn’t know that I needed. It lives because of its people, and I helped destroy some of that on that day. If I hadn't lost control they might still have their lives, but maybe more collectors would be free. Maybe we’d all be dead or being sold by them right now. I lost control, I never felt like I earned a position like this.
A phrase bubbled up in the back of Josh’s mind. Imposter Syndrome. Handholding didn’t seem to be working, and Morro had a strong enough support network to help him in that arena. Maybe it was time for a dose of tough love to shake him out of it.
Herrick: Do you think that either captain, Rouiancet and Promontory, just spun the wheel and decided to have you as their chief engineer?
Caras: Response
Herrick: ::cutting in:: Morro, you led a team down to the planet, where you found a way to hack both their subspace weapons as well as their fighters. You think your fellow team members consider that the work of a pirate saboteur, or of an officer trying to protect lives and reduce the fallout?
Caras: Response
Herrick: You’re not going to bring them back. Full stop. What you did do is save thousands, hell, probably tens of thousands of lives, by striking a blow at the heart of their organization. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.
He paused for a moment, working to even out his tone.
Herrick: This isn’t the first time this is going to happen in your career, where you make an impossible choice or face the unexpected effects of the actions we take. There are too many variables to control; this isn’t calibrating an EPS tap nor repairing some system back to working state. There are unknowns, alien technology, people who react unexpectedly, and phenomena that jeopardize us regularly. Space is messy, regardless of where you berth.
His eyes flicked down to the badge on Morro’s gold-clad uniform, and then back up to the man.
Herrick: I’m here to try and make the universe a bit better each passing day, and I’m glad to say that for most of them, I can say I did. Are there bad days? Of course. You need to decide what kind of person you are, the one that’s going to be stuck in the past agonizing over decisions and events you can no longer influence or take it in stride as an opportunity to learn.
Caras: Response
Josh had to be careful how much to push; he didn’t want to break the man.
Herrick: And, if this was one of your engineers who had caused that cascade? That had helped make sure the Butler got home? What would you have done then? What would you do now? Tell me Morro ::leaning back:: I’m all ears.
Caras: Response