REPOST: Ensign Keneth Nakada - For Want of An Excretory System

[Keneth Nakada]

(( OOC: Some really weird formatting issues, so repost. ))

(( Main Engineering, Deck 11, USS Ronin ))

 

Nakada: I’m curious, can you interface directly with the ship?

Oswald: ::nerdy chortle:: I tried that on Starbase 375 once.  All I did was burn they Administrator's toast and then passed out.  Woke up in the airlock.  

 

He exchanged a look with Delphina, who had begun to look quite incensed on behalf of the commander. He would hold judgement till he knew the whole story, though he had to admit it was confusing as to why no one had pulled him out of the airlock of all places. A person without a suit in an airlock would rate a four-month long investigation around here.

 

Kessler: Well, since the more interesting areas are still under repair, how about we head to sickbay and can introduce you to the medical staff? I doubt you'll need their services but you still will want to meet them.

Oswald:  You  never know.  I might have a need at some point.

 

It was going to take some time to get used to the Commander’s deadpan manner. Keneth still wasn’t sure if he was joking or not, or even if he could joke.

 

Wren: Not to mention the two departments often work very closely together.

Nakada: Yes, like the time I fixed a biobed seven times in one mission.

 

How they broke it seven times was an eternal mystery.

 

Kessler: ::chuckling lightly:: Well, with any luck Dr. Del La Croix will also be there for you to meet.

 

Wren flushed at this, and Keneth pretended he hadn’t seen it.

 

Oswald: ::deep voice:: De La Croix. ::normal voice:: Sounds very regal.  

Wren: ::doing a bad job of hiding her eagerness:: She’s quite a character! 

 

He shook his head as the group pulled out of engineering.

 

(( Sickbay, Deck 10, USS Ronin ))

 

As was normal, walking into a new place brought new faces. Keneth still didn’t know everyone aboard, but some of these ensigns seemed to be popping out of the walls. One day he would be minding his own business, walking down the corridor, and a full-fledged ensign would just phase through the wall.

 

Oswald: Nice place you got here.

Wren: ::To Cerisor:: Hello!

 

He nodded at the new officer, he’d need to find some time to catch up with introductions.

 

Kessler/Any: Response

Cerisor: Thank you, Commander. We've been quite busy with the supply inventory, but we've been keeping things running smoothly. I'm Doctor Cerisor. Are you feeling-

 

Cerisor. He filed that into a jumble of names in the back of his head as Oswald interrupted the doctor.

 

Oswald: Thank you, but that won't be necessary, I'm an android.

 

Keneth strongly resisted the urge to laugh at Cerisor’s face. He could just imagine Oswald meeting the Borg. You will be assimilated. Thank you, but that won’t be necessary.

 

Cerisor: I-I see. Well. I'd be happy to answer any questions you have, or if you'd like me to fetch Doctor de la Croix, I'm sure she is around somewhere.

Wren: ::perking up:: Oh, that would b-

Kessler/Any: Response

Oswald: Actually I do have a question. Mr. Kessler expressed some distaste earlier when I mentioned that I could take in organic food and then regurgitate it later. I thought maybe he and others would be more comfortable if I could take in such substances and then excrete it from a more traditionally humanoid location. Would you be able to update my system in that way?

 

The man wanted a … poop hole. For once he legitimately wanted to use flabbergasted in a sentence.

 

I was flabbergasted when my second officer asked me to build him an excretory system.

 

Silence reigned supreme as they digested that (pun intended). A dull hiss sounded as the door shut behind O’Connor, who seemed to have entered at some point during the conversation.

 

O’Connor: Did I come at a bad time?

Cerisor: ::looking blankly at Oswald:: Huh?

Nakada: He – oh.

Wren: ::covering her mouth::........... Mr. Oswald, I…. think that’s a…::completely at a loss for words:: hm

 

It seemed they had reached the limits of the crew’s articulation as they all flopped around like an Andorian Permanently-Open-MouthedBlowfish. Ian glanced back at them with a “what the … “ look and Keneth just shrugged, at a loss.

 

Nakada: Commander Oswald wants to –

 

He looked at Kessler in desperation.

 

Kessler/Any/Oswald: Response 

O’Connor: I don’t know. However there are probably better alternatives to fitting in than physically installing a waste removal tract.

Cerisor: I-I mean, we certainly could, er, try. I just... why? If you don't need to do it, I mean.

Oswald: Response

Wren: ::quickly:: Mr. Oswald, I don’t know if that’s necessary-

Kessler/Any: Response

 

He felt the obligation to join in reassurances. There was absolutely no reason for the commander to change himself to feel welcomed.

 

Nakada: :: words forming finally :: Commander, any distaste on the crew’s part was surprise, please feel no obligation to change your own, for lack of a better term, biology.

Cerisor: Well, Commander. I'm more of a organic Doctor, and that sounds more like a job for a roboticst. However, there's no harm in taking a look, right? It seems that you have some engineers with you.

Oswald: Response

 

Keneth gave a sideways look at Wren, who seemed to be trying to pass through the floor and into the warp core.

 

Wren: You don’t need to change your internal systems, Mr. Oswald. Unless you want to, but you shouldn’t feel as though you have to.

O’Connor: I’m not sure exactly what I walked in on Commander, but I wholeheartedly agree with Ensign Wren here. Make choices that are best for you not to conform to what others think. This is a pretty accepting and IDIC thinking crew. Either way is okay, sir.

Kessler/Any: Response

Oswald: Response

 

The doctor led them over to a biobed, where they proceeded to scan the commander. Keneth wasn’t too familiar with medical readouts, but he could make out that the commander’s layout was surprisingly similar to a biological structure.

 

Cerisor: As I suspected, your internals are entirely mechanical. However... it does appear to be attempting to mimic a human body system. Your circuits seem to be following the same basic path as a nervous system. You're obviously missing lungs and similar organs... but, there's actually quite a bit of room in there.

Oswald: Response

Cerisor: Supposing the Commander would like to... proceed. How feasible would this be, from a robotics perspective?

 

They all looked to Wren, who seemed to have made little progress on passing through the floor.

 

Wren: I mean, um…. ::increasingly uncomfortable:: We- I mean, I could add one technically? oO just think of it like connecting internal tubing…… why doesn’t that help?? Oo ::Looking at Nakada for help:: I’ve never worked on an android before, though.

 

She glanced at him and he raised an encouraging eyebrow, robotics wasn’t his specialty. Propulsion, yes, but the commander didn’t want to travel at Warp 9 on half an impulse engine and a rock. The man just wanted to spend a penny like the rest of them. It seemed like the drink he’d been nursing was farther and farther away each second. He eyed the medical alcohol with a half-joking glance.

 

Kessler/Cerisor/Oswald/Any: Response

Wren: Not that I’m not being supportive of course! I just….. Nakada, what do you think?

 

He threw Wren a sour look as he joined the melee. He scrolled through the scans on the screen as he talked.

 

Nakada: :: gathering his thoughts :: Well, commander, like the others mentioned, this should be possible. You already have a regurgitation system, we can reroute the output to :: drawing an uneven line on the screen to the commander’s rear :: here. Of course if you want a change in consistency similar to biological output :: thinking :: maybe some clumping agents?

 

He felt a sudden burn on his face as he realized everyone was watching him. He backed away a bit from the console and gestured to the group.

 

Nakada: :: clears  throat :: If you were to move forward, the bigger question is who has the experience to perform such a modification.

 

He turned and stared right at Delphina.

 

Kessler/Cerisor/Oswald/Any: Response

Wren: I mean, yes, I do know a lot about robotics, I just… I don’t know anything about android anatomy, and I don’t want to cause any damage due to my lack of experience.

Kessler/Cerisor/Oswald/Any: Response

 

Ian stepped over to the replicator and returned a few moments later with what appeared to be a colorful picture book.

 

O’Connor: Commander, If you decide you are gonna go through with this, please accept this gift in the spirit it is intended, which is a whole hearted welcome to the club of those who defecate. 

 

Ian handed the android a copy of what appeared to be a children’s book called Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi.

 

Nakada: Might need to update that then …

Kessler/Cerisor/Oswald/Wren/Any: Response

 

He thumbed through the schematics again.

 

Nakada: I’m curious – Mr. Oswald, do you have any experience doing modifications yourself?

 

He was an android and Keneth suspected he may have some experience doing self-maintenance. Perhaps he could work with the doctor and Wren?

 

Oswald/Kessler/Cerisor/O’Connor/Wren/Any: Response

 

But that brought him to a more salient point, considering the nature of the Ronin’s frequent shenanigans missions, it was inevitable that eventually an injury would occur that required more than superficial intervention.

 

Nakada: Well, regardless of the current discussion, it seems we need some protocol to manage your care while aboard the Ronin.

Oswald/Kessler/Cerisor/O’Connor/Wren/Any: Response

 

Considering the briefly mentioned airlock incident, Keneth had doubts about the quality and frequency of care he might have received.

 

Nakada: And what was the protocol aboard your previous posting? Perhaps yourself, and us in engineering and medical should work something out.

Oswald/Kessler/Cerisor/O’Connor/Wren/Any: Response

 

TAG/TBC

 

Ensign Keneth Nakada

Engineering Officer

USS Ronin

J239760KN0