Ensign Delphina Wren- It's Okay to not be Okay
Grace McDermott
((Sickbay Complex, Deck 10, USS Ronin))
Wren: I’m fine!! It’s nothing like that, I promise, it’s okay, I’m fine, I can still do my work, I can do my job, I can help, I just need my tappers, they’re in my quarters.
She could hear the desperation in her voice, and she hated it. She hadn’t needed the tappers in years, not since back at the academy when she’d gotten too drunk and forgotten where her body was because Phlato had walked out on her.
Beck: Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. Just a tick.
Shortrith crouched in front of Delphina, and she tried not to lean away as more and more people seemed to be paying attention to her. oO They just want to help. They just want to help you, why do you need them to help you, why do you always need someone to help you? Oo
Shortrith: I'm gonna ask you to take some deep breaths with me, okay? In for four… ::they inhaled for four seconds, counting on their left hand, raising it high enough for Wren to see:: Hold for four… ::They were silent for four seconds, still counting on their left hand:: Out for four. ::They exhaled for four seconds:: And then repeat with me, okay?
Evinrude: Response
Delphina squeezed her eyes shut, trying to match the counselor’s breathing. Her chest had started to hurt, and her thoughts were tripping over themselves trying to come to the front, drowning out the actual, real world she was in. It didn’t matter that the captain and first officer were fine, it didn’t matter that she was fine, she still felt as though they’d died. Because, even if it wasn’t her captain and first officer, a version of them had died. And she’d felt it happen. This was why Hestin had told her not to pursue medicine. Even if it was to make prosthetics, she could barely handle herself when she was in pain, let alone other people.
Beck: Voilà.
Beck: I doubt they're configured the same way as the ones in your quarters, but they should be good enough to help you gain some measure of control again. They're wireless but connected to each other remotely. Give it a shot.
Feeling numb, Delphina took the tappers, squeezing the sides with a sort of feral desperation. For a second, there was nothing, then the rhythmic thrumming started. She closed her eyes, focusing on the vibrations through the flood of thought and emotion that was threatening to sweep her away. oO You’re here. Your body is right here, you can feel it. Pulse, breathe in, pulse, breathe out. Pulse, breathe in, pulse breathe out. This is where you are. You are in the Ronin. You are not in the past, you are here. Pulse, breathe in, pulse breathe out. Pulse, breathe in, pulse breathe out. What you’re feeling is not you, it is others. You are not scattered around the ship, your body is right here in sickbay… Oo
Shortrith: How are you feeling? Do the tappers help?
Distantly, Delphina was aware that Shortrith had hugged her, and she allowed herself to relax a little more. oO You’re in sick bay. You’re not on the bridge, what you felt in the past isn’t what you’re feeling now. If you were on the bridge, Shortrith wouldn’t be here. If you were on the bridge, you wouldn’t have your tappers. You’re in sick bay, and what you felt isn’t happening anymore. Oo
Evinrude: Response
Wren: ::hesitantly:: I’m s-..... Thank you. I think I’m doing a little better…. ::embarrassed:: I think I…. I think I forgot to process things when we thought Niac and Raga were dead. And then it just kind of built up. ::still a little out of it, but no longer critical:: I’m okay now. Thank you.
Beck: Who's that little guy?
Wren: ::Immediately focused on her son again:: That’s Remy. He’s my…helper. He has a mini tricorder inside him, he must have noticed that I was unstable…… I didn’t know he could do that.
Evinrude: Response
Beck: Pleased to meet you, Remy. I'm Doctor Quentin Beck, and I might have someone to introduce you to later.
Shortrith: Nice to meet you too, Remy.
Remy: ::No longer dancing, but reaching up his front two legs to grab ahold of Beck’s labcoat, swinging back and forth::
Wren: He’s very friendly. There’s this cat on board that he’s absolutely obsessed with. oO Della- No. No I can’t focus on that right now. They helped me, there’s no need to be embarrassed. You wouldn’t be embarrassed if they helped you for a concussion…. Oo
Evinrude: Response
Shortrith: Do any of you want anything to drink? Coffee, tea, water?
Wren: Could I please get some water? ::holding her hand to the ground so Remy can scamper up her arm again and back into her hair::
Evinrude/Beck: Response
Shortrith: I'll go grab them, one moment.
Delphina could feel her heartbeat slowly returning to normal, and she slowly turned down the tappers until they were off. Last time she’d had to use them she’d had Marcus with her. He’d sat on the floor of their dorm, holding her hands so she didn’t drop them, talking gently so she could find her way back. oO I was lucky this time. Last time I didn’t actually know where my body was, I was so drunk. I don’t think I’ve touched bloodwine since. Oo. But everyone here had been so nice. It was unexpected. Part of her still felt embarrassed that she’d fallen apart like that, but at least she knew that she wouldn’t be left to suffer alone if this happened again.
Evinrude/Beck: Response
Shortrith: Here you go.
Wren: Thank you ::taking the water::.... I don’t think I realized until now how stressful that mission was. There was so much going on.
Shortrith/Evinrude/Beck: Response
Wren: The other ensigns are still on edge too, I think. Miller hasn’t slept in a long time, and Dahl is jumping at shadows. They’re all trying their best to keep it together, but I don’t think they’re okay either.
Shortrith/Evinrude/Beck: Response
Wren: I can’t speak for them, all I know is that I’m so used to just fixing what’s around me that I want to hurry up and fix this. I want to stop feeling like this, but I want it now.
Shortrith/Evinrude/Beck: Response