Lt. Cmdr. Ian O'Connor- Some Wounds Never Heal
rob mahardy
((‘Disco Inferno’ Roller Arena, The Farm, Endochronimas V))
((OOC: Just a disclaimer that the views/feelings/emotions are Ian’s. Rob loves ya all! I just want to keep Ian still on/off struggling with loss, choices, etc. from last mission. The three amigos was a distraction for Ian but things come up that pick at the wound that’s just starting to scab.))
Ian stood at the back of the crowd. A pair of roller skates was tied together by the laces and draped over his right shoulder. He wasn’t in the mood for a large crowd gathering but duty called. Still that wasn’t the ultimate reason he came. He was here to support his colleagues…his friends.
The captain started the ceremony and just like all the other awards presentations this one was unique. Ian appreciated the effort that the command team put into these and the crew had gone through things that will impact them for life. As the Co always tried to do he opened with a moment of levity because of his unsteady nature on skates.
Niac: It’s a pleasure to see you all together once again. I believe we owe the staff of The Farm our compliments, it certainly seems to have lived up to its restorative reputation. Up until I put these ridiculous roller-wheels on, I was the most relaxed I’d been in months.
For a moment it seemed like Karrod was shrinking when it looked like he was beginning to slide slightly down from the lectern, before he awkwardly repositioned himself. He smiled sideways grateful he hadn’t yet laced up skates.
Niac: In the interests of conducting our business here today before I need to avail myself of medical care, I’ll be as brief as reasonably possible considering the broad scope of your recent accomplishments. Because of you…because of your steady nerve in the face of a horrific attack…because of your focus under pressure…because of your dedication to one another…the embers of a grave threat to the Federation were extinguished before they could ignite an inferno. You have once again stymied the plans of a ruthless organization and shown them that Starfleet stands firm against terror for profit, against opportunistic brutality, and against anything that would reduce life to an expendable asset.
oO That’s what it was wasn’t it? Oo
Most people would move on but a few, those from here and certainly from the Rose’s crew will always live with it.
Niac: To that end, each member of this crew is receiving a Silver Lifesaving Ribbon for your efforts to …
oO “Lifesaving”? Oo
He lost track of what the CO was saying.
A flood of emotions and feelings swelled up.
Anger.
Frustration.
Failure.
He hadn’t saved life when it mattered
Zellu was dead. No ribbons will bring her back. No ribbons will ease the pain.
He took a deep breath as he felt himself redden.
Somewhere inside, Ian knew he wasn’t being fair to the CO…but he didn’t care. He wanted to be mad at someone and the big guy with the beard was as good a target as any.
He wanted to lash out. To…
oO Easy. Breathe. Oo
Everything seemed to close in and Ian felt his heart pounding and his vision tunnel slightly.
The skates dropped to the deck from his shoulder and he fled out into the hallway. His breath was shallow as he stooped and leaned against a wall forcing himself to take slow deep inhales and long exhales. He ran his hand through his hair roughly and then wiped his eyes which had seemed to tear up a bit.
When he focused on his shaking hands, he saw black goo.
O’Connor: Ahh
He tried to rub it off on his pants but when he looked again it was gone.
He slowly leaned back against the wall and pulled himself together.
Apparently he wasn’t coping as well as he thought.
He didn’t know how long he’d been standing there but eventually a few of the crew began to file out of the rink doors. Later he wouldn’t even be sure who’d spoken to him and only remembered giving a wave off before retreating back to the ship and his quarters.
((End of scene for Ian.))
--------------------------------
Lieutenant Commander Ian O’Connor
HCO
USS Ronin NCC-34523
R240009IO4