Lt. Commander Dekas - Denial or despair
Ace Christensen
((Stellar Cartography, Deck 10, USS Ronin))
Dekas’ way of dealing with this grief was immediate denial. It was not sadness. Or anger. He acknowledged the current state of death of both Karrod and also Toryn. In some ways, there was a level of acceptance of it. But more than that: Denial. He’d heard there were chronitons involved in some of the readings. And that often had a way of suggesting much more than just someone’s death. It meant there was a possibility to change it unless otherwise proven. They were dead, but they didn’t have to be. Maybe they wouldn’t be. He would wait until there was absolute proof to feel too much about that.
In much the same way as he remembered nearly getting assimilated, and remembered the feeling that it was the end, that nothing would be the same, and it wasn’t, it also helped no one to panic or be morose in that moment. It didn’t solve the problem. It didn’t help anyone to not have hope that something could be done to fix it. So he put all that sadness of lost friends, all that absolutely nauseating grief into a metaphorical box in his head. Contain the emotions that existed strongly in him otherwise.
Because he was the counselor. Or a counselor at least. And on top of that, many other things. But he was a counselor, and people needed him to maintain stability. Someone needed to maintain it for people whose reactions were like Solana and the throwing of weapons.
Dekas: I’m curious if the poor bulkhead did something to deserve your ire.
Solana: ::she blinked and looked over at the group:: Huh?
He gave her an understanding smile and waved once she was less focused on the wall.
T’Fearne/Esot: Response
Solana: Well, if we actually had something to do maybe I wouldn’t be pacing! ::she snapped then immediately looked apologetic:: Sorry, Counselor. I…need something to focus on. A target. Something to make pay for what happened.
As if to punctuate her point, the blade in Solana’s right hand barely completed its rotation around her finger before she flung the thing into the wall in front of her. The blade sank into the smooth wall a good two inches with a loud thunk.
He didn’t believe in telling her that the way she was feeling was wrong. He wouldn’t tell her not to feel angry and possibly vengeful unless it became a real problem. Anger was not a negative emotion. It was simply an emotion that most beings felt in some way. And rage, despite the negative connotations of the word, could be a huge contributing factor to positive change and to things getting better if focused into the right things.
Dekas: ::looking to the knife, and then back to her:: No apologies necessary, my friend. What’s the point of being a Chief Petty Officer if you can’t actually be petty about it sometimes? Besides… the knife spots give the Ronin character. But I’d suggest focusing on something else lest we give some poor Engineer something to, ah, bitch about later, no? I’m sure they’d just hate fixing up a wall. Although I do think a lot of Engineers truly enjoy the ability to complain. I’d know, I was one once. So I won’t fault you for giving them some environmental enrichment there. But there are other things to focus on right now, I believe?
He turned more to the Cardassian present. The one he’d heard was on the bridge when it happened. And he figured she had at least some of the base-level readings in her head and on anything she’d brought with her about this.
T’Fearne/Esot: Response
Solana: What do you mean we don’t have any logs yet? Haven’t they found the Kurosawa’s black box?
T’Fearne/Esot: Response
Solana: Stellar Cartography to Flight Deck. What the Hell is taking so long with that black box?!
Solana yanked the knife out of the wall then tapped her comm badge angrily. Dekas had to push down some of his own anger. Because certainly he did feel it somewhere. Partially in his hands and his wings, and in his throat, and in the pit of his stomach. But he did not show any of it. There were no tremors in his hands, nor a scowl on his face. Because he chose to deny it. And in many ways, it was less that he was simply in denial as a response, though that had been true for the first few minutes of knowing it, and more that he was forcing himself into denial. It was denial or despair, and he refused to entertain the latter right now.
oO Back into the box with you. Oo
Singh: =/\= Check that tone, Senior Chief, this is not the time to lose your head. You are not the only one on this ship hurting right now, and junior personnel are going to look to your example. ::Ishani took a breath and some of the bite out of her voice.:: Now...let us begin again.=/\=
Dekas was glad to see some of the tension in Solana ease up hearing the voice of Major Singh. He hadn’t talked to her in some time. But he was glad she was there to be a grounding voice for someone. And hoped that she could find some ease in her own way. He could only imagine she wasn’t feeling great either.
Solana: =/\= Sorry, Major. I just….need a target. You say you haven’t located it yet? We have the current area displayed with an overlay of the Kurosawa’s final moments. We should be able to use that to extrapolate the most likely position of the black box based on the sensor logs during the explosion. Just like Security forensics. =/\=
The Orion looked at T’Fearne, seemingly for confirmation. And then Solana twirled her blades one more time and put them in a sheath. Dekas considered that a good step forward for that particular issue.
Singh: =/\= That is correct. Sensors, both internal and external, are being severely limited by some kind of interference. We have resorted to examining the debris by hand until we find the data recorder, and I intend to instruct the recovery runabouts to begin salvaging anything...everything...bigger than a bolt. If we can't trust our instruments, we'll have to do this the hard way. We'll find it...=/\=
The Major seemed to take a deep, shaky breath.
Singh: =/\= We will find out what took them from us, Jenta. I promise you that. Till then...do your duty and save your feelings for the Counselors. We have too much work to do. Singh out. =/\=
Dekas: ::to Solana, though it extended also to everyone in the room:: I would suggest waiting until after this to seek out a counselor officially. Though I am here if you need someone colorful enough to look at and put you back in the room with us.
T’Fearne/Esot/Solana: Response
Dekas: Esot, you were on the bridge when it happened, yes? Do you have any insight about what we’re looking for, perhaps? And T’Fearne, I imagine you know more about the security forensics. What are your suggestions, there?
T’Fearne/Esot/Solana: Response
Dekas: Well, okay.... Let’s start there, then.
He admittedly felt a little out of touch with things. He wouldn’t deny that quite a bit of that had to do with the situation at hand. But part of it was also that it hadn’t really been that long since he’d come off of family leave. And he wouldn’t deny that it felt odd to be back in action for this moment, whatever that meant. But mostly it was the situation. The denial was in some ways a dissociation. And he could only try to pretend he wasn’t feeling that in front of people.
T’Fearne/Esot/Solana: Response
Tags /TBC…
—
Lt. Commander Dekas
Counselor
USS Ronin
J239802D12
Pronouns: They/she/he (player), He/him (character)