Ensign Akani Xira - Haven't Mastered the Art of Letting Go
Renaie Shortrith
((OOC: Bit of a content warning for references to a past panic attack - it's mentioned in the flashback))
((Mushashi Lounge, Mission Pod Level B, USS Ronin))
Akani: That sounds… wrong. What is the Dawn Gathering Ceremony?
Dohna: It's some kind of sacred meditation to celebrate the Tidal Bloom. What if we went tomorrow morning?
Akani: I like that idea. Would it be similar to a visit to a monastery?
Dohna: It's not strictly Bajoran, but aren't the Prophets aware of all things? I'm sure they'd approve.
Akani: I think they'd know what we mean.
Dohna: Why don't we go down to experience it?
Rising from her seat, Xira nodded at T'Alia, a small smile crossing her face.
Akani: Shall I see you tomorrow morning?
Dohna: Excellent!
((Timeskip - the next morning, Harmony Shores Collaborative Resort, Lolagi IV))
Xira was waiting outside of the gathering area, waiting for her friend. The sun was just barely beginning to rise, the shimmering hues of pink and gold rippling over the shoreline. She'd read on an FNS article that visitors should wear muted sea-toned garments, so she paired a muted turquoise top with a light-ish blue pair of slacks she owned.
oO That fits the dress code, right? Oo
She'd made the point of keeping out of earshot from the meditation area, so that she and T'Alia could quietly greet each other before they entered in silence.
Akani: ::Quietly:: Good morning.
Dohna: ::whisper:: Good morning, you're looking good.
Xira took another glance out at the water, smiling at the painting of colours across the sky.
Akani: It's beautiful out here.
oO Some people on the Compass Rose would have loved it. Oo
Dohna: I'm not sure beautiful expresses it.
The moved further into the gather space and a being moved to the center of the area and raised his voice above the sound of the waves and soft murmur of the gathered.
The two moved in silence to the gathering space, and the person in charge of the activity moved into the centre of the area.
Pavler: Greetings all I am Pram Pavler and I am here to welcome you to the Harmony Shores Collaborative Resort Dawn Gathering Ceremony. In six short minutes the sun will rise and the glowing waters of this bay will dim and the sunlight will warm these shores. Here on Lolagi IV we see this as a reminder that there is change all the time and each moment is unique.
Xira noticed T'Alia's head tilt, and nodded.
oO That's a very poetic way to put it. Oo
Pavler: When the sun rises, the tide will also come in. We invite you to come to the shore write in the sand. Maybe it's something you want to let go of, ::pause:: Maybe it's an event or a person or a habit that needs to be understood as transient. Write it however you want and the sun and water will take it away.
oO The pain of losing found family. Waking up in cold sweats due to nightmares. Oo
Dohna: Interesting approach.
Akani: Indeed.
Dohna: ::starting to walk:: I want to write down something, but I can't just write "Compass Rose"
Xira paused where she stood.
Akani: That wouldn't… We still want to remember the people, not the pain.
Dohna: We should probably write our own individual ::beat:: things. We're down to 4 minutes.
Akani: Okay, give me a second.
Dohna: Response
Xira crouched, trying to keep her balance before she almost fell into the sand. In a fashion that wasn't perfectly neat, but was hers, she began to write what she wanted to let go.
Waking up in fear that she'd lose those who'd survived with her.
The pain of grief.
The panic attacks.
The flashbacks.
Oh, the flashbacks…
((Flashback - Cargo Bay 3, Deck 4, USS Compass Rose))
???: Help….
oO What was that? Oo
Akani: Who's there?
Syrex: Hey, how are you doing?
Goo: Been Better…
oO Do I know that person? Oo
Syrex: Yeah I bet.
Akani: What do you need?
Goo: Please… End this..
Syrex: I can’t… As a Starfleet doctor I…
Goo: I can’t live like this. We don’t always die.
Holley: ::a little out of it:: Huh?
Xira felt tears slowly fall down her face as she realised what the goo person wanted.
Akani: What?
Syrex: You can rest now…. Goodnight my friend…
The goo bubbled, before the combadge fell silent.
Akani: ::Through tears:: What just happened?
Om-Zora: Mercy. They… they asked for mercy.
Akani: ::Snappish:: Yeah, I get it that the person who was goo wanted to die. I just… ::beginning to hyperventilate:: I just…
Yep, the streaming tears were now a flood. Xira fell to her knees, the world inside her spiralling like a tornado.
oO Am I gonna die? Oo
Om-Zora: Hey, Akani. I know this is overwhelming, and it’s a lot. But I’m here to help you. Can you take some deep breaths for me? In for 4 seconds ::he breathed in for 4 seconds:: hold for 7. ::he held it, then exhaled as he said:: Out for 8.
oO Please, I really hope I'm not going to die. I don't want to die. Wait. What can you see? Green eyes, yellow feathers, blue shirt. Aurelian. Turquoise head feathers. He's helping. Oo
Xira tried to breathe along with Om-Zora, but her breaths were shaky and not as well done as the Lieutenant JG. They seemed to help somewhat, but Xira was still pretty scared. In reality, she didn't really know what was going on. She was worried for Georgia, she was stressed over the goo person who she was sure she knew, she was worried about the sickness…
Akani: Please… I don't want things to get worse... I don't want to be infected...
((End Flashback))
Wiping away a few stray tears from her eyes as the flashback faded, Xira exhaled before writing one final thing.
Survivor's guilt.
Xira slowly rose from her seat in the sand, and gave her writing a final, decisive nod.
Akani: There.
Why were there still tears in her eyes?
Dohna: Response
Akani: What are you going to write? We've only got two minutes before sunrise.
Dohna: Response
[Tags/TBC]
Tactical Officer
USS Ronin - NCC-34523
They/Them (Player) She/Her (Character)
A240204RS3