Lt. JG T’Fearne - Restricted Substance
Teayl Thorn
((CSO’s Office, Security Complex, Deck 11, USS Ronin))
T’Fearne stomped petulantly in through Kessler's office door, then caught herself, coming to a formal attention, trying to reclaim her lost height by standing on her tiptoes and gazing off into the ceiling.
T’Fearne: Umm… you wanted to see me, sir?
Kessler: ::leaning back in his chair:: Relax T'Fearne, it's just you and I in here. ::beat:: I wanted to see how you are doing considering everything that happened during this past mission.
T’Fearne: I’m fine, sir. ::waiting a moment to see if that would suffice for an answer, then continued:: I sustained a minor injury. I am okay now. The radiation exposure is already resolving at the cellular level. The other side effect of the mission is more complicated to reverse. ::forcefully, though he hadn’t asked:: I can still do my job!
Her gaze dropped to the traitorous hem of her uniform trousers, hastily rolled up so she wouldn't trip.
She hadn’t taken the time to have the computer measure her in her current condition to be able to replicate a new, fitting uniform yet. She was still borrowing ones from ensign Wren. If she didn’t update her biometrics…then it was easier to believe this wasn’t a permanent condition.
oO Well in a very slow way, it’s not a permanent condition, I suppose. Oo
Kessler: I asked how you were doing T'Fearne. I didn't mean to imply you could not handle your duties. I can't imagine what this is like for you and I am just concerned how it will affect you.
Her eyes went back up to her CO’s face, but she couldn’t quite suppress the juvenile eyeroll at his concern. She just wished everyone would leave her alone about it. It wasn’t like she could do anything to fix it. And she really didn’t want their pitying emotions leaking all over her.
T’Fearne: The crew are not treating me with the same respect, sir. This department has been losing its discipline ever since Chief Carpenter left.
She hadn’t really meant to say that. It just came out as a dig, to get under his skin. It felt good for three seconds and then she regretted it. She hadn’t realised how used she had grown to sensing the crew’s respect and even warm regard towards her. Now their pity or doubt in her abilities felt loud in her senses.
Kessler’s finger drummed lightly on the desk and she felt herself sinking guiltily. She somehow felt even smaller than her already reduced stature for her mean comment.
Kessler: Would it help to take some time off, until Medical can figure this out?
T’Fearne: ::unbidden, tears started to well up in her eyes and the high voice gained a pitch close to whining:: If you think I’m not managing my responsibilities then just relieve me of duty. But I’m not giving up my commission just because…because of this. ::gesturing at her teenaged self::
Yes, she knew that was a totally illogical statement. She dashed the angry tears away.
T’Fearne: I have been a part of this department for longer than you have, Jack. And just because I’m…I’m…::deciding on a word she could live with:: emotionally compromised right now…dosen’t mean you or Niac or anyone else can send me back to my parents so they can “look after” me for the next six years until I can go through the academy all over again! Why can’t you all just treat me like normal!
Crossing her arms, she stomped her small foot on the deck plating in his office with a loud bang.
T’Fearne: I won’t go! You can’t make me leave the Ronin!
Kessler: ::softly but firm:: T'Fearne, I have no desire to see you leave the Ronin. You are and will continue to be my right hand in keeping this place running. ::beat:: If the crew is not giving you the respect you have earned, then prove to them you are you. Just because your ::gesturing to her whole self:: younger, oO don't say smaller. Oo Does not mean that you have lost rank or privileges in this department.
She knew she was being irrational, that just made her more frustrated. She was struggling to contain a huge emotional overreaction and Kessler's steady patience and sensible reassurance was infuriating. Her nostrils flared slightly and the tips of her ears and cheeks flushed faint green.
T'Fearne: Are you suggesting that I have to prove myself all over again because the crew can’t see past this? What do you want me to do? Challenge them to a contest of wits, strength…what?
She stopped, breathing quicker, chest rising and falling faster, annoyed at how exhausted she felt. Jack had a thoughtful expression on his face, looking at her with infuriating calm.
Kessler: I would not say that but I still expect you to do your job to the best of your abilities.
He clearly wanted her to rise to the occasion. Yuck! An obvious attempt to “encourage” her. Something just like her mother would say. She just wanted to be left alone right now.
T'Fearne: ::sarcastically:: Perhaps I could interrogate someone? Do we have any prisoners or evacuees that need to be questioned? No one is going to take me seriously as an officer like this.
She held out both small palms, part pleading, part exasperated as he just studied her.
Kessler: So what do you want to do then?
T'Fearne: ::snapping angrily:: I don’t know! I’m tired, alright! And I want coffee…the replicator won’t give me coffee. The computer is broken and just keeps saying that it was a restricted substance. It's just ridiculous. I’ve been drinking coffee for years!
She eyed Kessler’s mug sitting on his desk but knowing her CO it was likely stone cold and un-drinkable.
Without much warning, she made a swipe across the desk for the cup anyway, intent on downing the dregs of his unfinished drink. There was a brief scrabble for the cup but he was quick enough to keep it out of her reach.
Kessler: Response
T’Fearne froze, blinking at her boss, shocked at what she had just tried to do. A little pressure had been let off of her bottled frustration and Kessler's refusal to be drawn into a juvenile argument was starting to clear her head.
Reaching out for the guest chair in Kessler's office, T’Fearne slumped down into it, tucking one leg up while the other dangled. She rested her head in her hands for a solid moment before dragging her face back to meet his gaze. Finally half a handle on her emotions.
T'Fearne: I…I’m sorry. ::sounding slightly strangled:: I am not myself right now, no matter how much I want to be. Ian was right. oO For once Oo He asked me if I was managing ok with the side effects. I was managing fine in the heat of the conflict, but now that things have calmed down, it’s harder to think like…like an adult. ::admitting frankly:: It’s exhausting actually.
Kessler: Response
T'Fearne: I’m a starfleet officer, my duty is the most important thing to me, but some other things seem very important right now…like…like ::sighing:: For the last few hours I’ve been getting very hungry, I want sushi… and coffee. I want to hit something on the holodeck with my akai sticks, I want to play my drums at maximum volume and ::honestly:: I think I need a nap. ::the leg dangling off the chair began to swing in a circle as she sighed deeply:: perhaps I do need to be relieved of duty until this…this can be fixed. Do you think it can be reversed or will I have to grow up again?
oO Me, Ian and all the Ross 580 Babies. Oo She winced at the thought.
Kessler: Response
[Tags / TBC]
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Security Officer
USS Ronin - NCC-34523
R240107T14