Ensign Yogan Yalu — Feelings
jkpbem
((Captain’s Ready Room, Deck 1, USS Resolution))
In Yogan’s experiences with humans, he noticed that they were often uncomfortable with silence, especially in a conversation. It tended to be interpreted as disinterest, discomfort, distraction, and a whole host of other negative words starting with dis-. The captain, however, appeared unbothered by the momentary lull, or at least had learned not to show it.
Nicholotti: What's on your mind?
Yalu: I guess it’s a philosophical question. How do you choose between two alternative courses of action? Pros and cons, outcomes and consequences?
Nicholotti: It is never as simple as it seems at first glance.
Yalu: When we were rescuing the away team, I flew us on a course to take us within transporter range of Unity. The computer recommended a few options, and I picked the one I thought was best. Each of them left a different part of the ship vulnerable while our shields were down.
Nicholotti: But no option that allowed all vulnerabilities to be covered.
Yalu: I had to choose which part of the ship I’d leave open to phaser fire, knowing that there were officers and crew in each one, who would likely be injured, even killed, when Unity fired on us. Officers and crew with whom I work every day.
Nicholotti: And yet, you still had to choose. Not doing so put more people at risk.
Yalu: That is true. Doing nothing was never an option. Inaction would have been the worst thing to do. Or, not to do.
Yogan sounded like he was thinking aloud as opposed to having a conversation, but he found the catharsis helpful in crystallizing his thoughts. On an intellectual level, none of this was new to him. As a pilot, just like as a doctor, there were often situations that allowed no tidy resolution, no happy ending. He’d struggled with this as a physician, and it was frustrating to feel the same way as a Starfleet officer. Would he ever fully master professional detachment? Did he even want to?
Nicholotti: So how did you choose what you thought was best?
Yalu: I know how the crew is stationed throughout the ship when we’re at red alert. I had to protect the most vital parts of the ship. Leave the fewest number of people and systems exposed to Unity’s weapons fire, for no longer than absolutely necessary.
Nicholotti: A good place to start.
Yalu: There were a few possible courses of action. But ultimately, I just had to… pick one.
Explaining it this way made it seem so easy, so clinical. And in the moment, it was. Yogan hadn’t struggled with his decision as he carried it out, mostly because there wasn’t time. It was only after they were safely out of range, and he’d heard of the injuries sustained in the attack, that he started to second guess himself.
Nicholotti: It ended up well for all. You did good.
Yogan had to admit that the reassurance from his captain went a long way toward assuaging his disquiet from the ordeal. A weight felt lifted from his shoulders, but there was still plenty of doubt remaining to furrow his brow.
Yalu: Thank you, Captain. I appreciate that. ::beat:: I was going to say I hope it gets easier, but I’m not so sure that’s what I want.
Nicholotti: response
Yalu: I think you’re right. Thank you for the advice.
Nicholotti: response
Yalu: ::stands:: Yes, Captain.
As Yogan turned to exit back toward the bridge, he felt grateful that his captain made herself available this way, not just for unannounced visits from junior officers, but to take a moment out of her busy day to discuss the philosophy of choice and consequences with one of them.
Tag/End of Scene?
Ensign Yogan Yalu
Helm Officer
USS Resolution NCC-78145
Justin
D238804DS0
Night, field of stars above us. I pick one and name it for you, and all who are to come.