Lieutenant JG Yogan Yalu — The more things change
jkpbem
Zhian’tara II
(( Aydam Verso’s home, Leran Manev, Trill — Saturday evening ))
Yogan sat comfortably on a divan, his back reclined and his long legs extending outward from the low-rising piece of furniture and down to the floor. Cradled in his hands was a small mug of a super-sweet hot beverage, produced from local berries and heavily flavoured with spices. His zhian’tara was set to begin the following morning, and his visit back to the family home had been difficult, but in this moment, in spite of everything, he felt relaxed, even a bit carefree.
He had spent the entire day with his father, who had relocated to Leran Manev several years ago after separating from Haned. One of several overdue family reunions Yogan was having this week, this one had been easy and fun, a welcome change from the sombre one he’d had with his mother the day before. Age had started to slow Aydam Verso down, but only a bit, and despite all of the changes in the Verso family over the last several years, he was still the same affable, warm, slightly quirky man Yogan remembered.
A. Verso: So, tell me more about the host I will be embodying.
Yogan leaned forward, set his mug down on the table, then rested his palms on his knees.
Yalu: Her name is Omed. She was a civil servant and administrator of one of the space colonies.
A. Verso: Space colonies? We haven’t had one of those for a long time. She must have been one of the early ones.
Yalu: ::nodding:: Omed was the third. She was born 219 years ago.
A. Verso: What was she like?
Yalu: I know her as a skilled leader, a master of processes and procedures. Her memories are the strongest for me when I am immersed in a task or a project. ::chuckling:: When I was at the Academy, I always made the best revision timetables, thanks to her highly organized mind.
A. Verso: I am looking forward to meeting her. Although I have to admit that going back to the Institute compound after all these years has me feeling a little, well, apprehensive is the right word, I suppose.
Yogan nodded understandingly. He and his father had never discussed the older man’s brief period as an Initiate in any detail. In fact, Yogan could count on one hand the number of times it had ever come up in their conversations. From what little Yogan had been able to piece together, Aydam’s ambitions to become Joined had been snuffed out early on, within his first few weeks in the program. With no real precedent at the time for a rejected Initiate to reapply, Aydam had to reconcile himself to the reality that Joining was not for him. Instead, he returned to his hometown, gained an education in agricultural sciences, married Haned, and the rest, as they say, was history.
Yogan presumed that, like most Initiates, his father had never been given a reason for being washed out, being told only that the Evaluation Board determined he was ‘not suitable for Joining.’ Despite having suffered what Yogan could only assume to be a personal disappointment, Aydam never seemed to project any of that onto his children, neither pressuring nor discouraging them from seeking to be Joined. The topic was never even discussed until the family moved back to the Trill homeworld when Yogan was ten.
Yalu: ::smiles reassuringly:: Not to worry. Neddo will be there. So will Kejana. She is embodying my fourth host. Maybe we can all go out for dinner afterwards.
A. Verso: ::laughs:: It’s been a long time since I’ve seen all three of you together. ::long beat:: I know things are a lot different than they used to be.
Yalu: Things change. People change. I’ve certainly changed. ::chuckles:: Thought that might have something to do with ::pats tummy:: this than anything else.
A. Verso: Don’t sell yourself short, son. Sure, I can see the difference in you from the symbiont, but the host has also matured into a remarkable man. My former colleagues at the technical institute always ask for updates about my son, Yogan the doctor-pilot.
For the second time in as many days, Yogan tried to come up with a reasonable explanation for why he hadn’t come home in so long. Yesterday, he had felt the guilt of time lost with his mother, whose condition had deteriorated significantly in recent years, and of not being there for his sister as she assumed the responsibilities of caregiving. Today, his father had demonstrated time and time again that he would always be there for his son, even after Yogan had allowed their relationship to atrophy. Over the next several days, he would continue to ask himself what had caused him to withdraw, and what had changed such that he felt comfortable coming back now.
Yalu: My ship lives in an interesting corner of space.
A. Verso: From what you’ve told me, it’s dangerous, too. It’s got to be hard for you, out there all by yourself.
Yalu: I’ve made some friends. And it’s not as bad as I make it sound.
Aydam rocked back and forth slowly, clearly on the verge of saying something.
A. Verso: Yogan, there’s something I want to tell you. I didn’t want it to overshadow your zhian’tara, and I don’t plan on making a big deal about it to Neddo and Kejana until the week is over. But I wanted you to know before everything starts tomorrow.
Yalu: It seemed like you had something on your mind all day. You can tell me.
The older man took a deep breath, then stood and took a few paces around the room, finally coming to stop near the windows that overlooked the city. The sun was going down, and the capital was coming alive with a thousand twinkling lights. So preoccupied with his mother’s condition, the first thought to come to Yogan’s mind was that his father was suffering from a degenerative disease. He tried to shake the thought and remain open to whatever his father wanted to tell him.
A. Verso: Son, I’ve met someone. I wasn’t expecting it to happen. I didn’t think I could have these kinds of feelings for anyone else, certainly not at this point in my life.
Yogan hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath this entire time, and when his father delivered the news, he felt like someone had just popped him with a pin. He exhaled his pent up tension and felt relief immediately take its place.
Yalu: You’ve met someone? That’s great! I’m really happy for you, father.
A. Verso: You are?
Yogan’s father doubled back and sat opposite Yogan on the divan.
A. Verso: I was worried about what you and Neddo and Kejana would think. It’s important to me that you understand I had no intention of seeking out someone, or to replace your mother. It’s not like that, Yogan, I promise.
Yogan shook his head. Something like that had never crossed his mind. Both Zedro and Keroga had been divorced from their respective spouses, and Auzell had a rocky on-again-off-again relationship with her partner. The memories of moving on after a difficult relationship comes to an end came flooding back to Yogan.
Yalu: Father, you don’t need to worry about that. Not with me.
A. Verso: I just feel so guilty. When your mother and I separated, we didn’t know anything about her illness. ::beat:: Sure, in retrospect, I should have paid attention to the signs, but I swear, Yogan, your mother’s diagnosis came as a complete surprise to me.
Yogan nodded. He had recognized those same signs, but he didn’t think they were symptoms of a serious condition. Haned had always been fiery, recalcitrant, more than occasionally difficult to deal with. No one in the family or amongst their close friends considered that the volatile moods and subtle personality changes were the early signs of something that would take her away from them, piece by piece.
Yalu: I know. It surprised me too. It surprised all of us.
A. Verso: I know it’s crazy, Yogan, but I just keep thinking that if I had stayed, tried to repair our relationship, that–– ::long beat:: I don’t know.
Yalu: That it might have changed things? That mother wouldn’t be the way she is now?
Aydam didn’t answer. It was clear that Yogan wasn’t the only member of the family harbouring guilt.
Yalu: Father, you’re not to blame for mother’s illness. No one is. Don’t forget, I lived in that house, too. I know things were difficult between you, and they started breaking down long before mother ever got sick. You couldn’t have known what was to come. Punishing yourself won’t cure anything. Or anyone.
Father and son sat in silence for several long, weighted moments. Yogan’s words hung between them, and he realised that they were just as much meant for himself as for his father. There would always be a part of him that regretted the time he’d wasted. But regret was just as much a call to action as an acknowledgement of wrongs. He would remember this feeling, so that he never made the same mistakes again. Yogan took a deep, cleansing breath, then fetched his mug from the coffee table and downed its contents in one.
A. Verso: What do you think Nedal and Kejana will think? Kejana is so deeply involved in caring for your mother. Every time I speak with her, I feel like she blames me for leaving. For leaving her with all that responsibility. And Nedal? I don’t even know what he thinks about anything. That boy is so distant from me, from the world, these days.
Yalu: I think that they love you, and they would want you to be happy. And if the news is difficult for them in the short term, that will pass. ::beat:: So, tell me about this new person you’ve met.
Aydam looked up at his son with a slight smile, which Yogan returned. The older man stood, collected the pair of mugs on the table, and stepped into the open kitchen to refill them, talking all the while.
A. Verso: His name is Pavlo.
Yalu: ::with raised eyebrows:: He’s not a Trill?
A. Verso: No, he’s Human.
Yogan was surprised by this particular bit of news. It would never have occurred to him that his father might have a relationship with someone of a different species. He recalled Auzell’s tumultuous relationship with a Human, and all of its joys and pitfalls, their many similarities and their many, many differences. Whereas the Trill relied upon cumulative wisdom passed down through the symbionts, Humans were guided by what they called intuition. They tended to believe that their ‘gut feeling’ was right, regardless of contrary evidence or conventional wisdom. Even more curious (and for Auzell, maddening) was the fact that it tended to be true.
Yalu: Where did you meet him?
A. Verso: There is a Terran restaurant near here where my colleagues and I like to go after work. Pavlo performs there often. He sings old Earth standards.
Aydam returned to the divan with two full mugs and offered one to Yogan, then sat back down.
A. Verso: We started talking one night between his sets, and–– ::beat:: I don’t know, Yogan, we just seemed to hit it off. He’s funny and laid back, I really enjoy spending time with him.
Yalu: That’s great. Would you be comfortable introducing us? I would like to meet him while I’m here.
A. Verso: We talked about it. I don’t want this to get in the way of your zhian’tara, but maybe after you’ve completed the ritual? If you don’t have to go back to your ship right away, that is.
Yalu: My crewmates are already doing me a huge favour by accompanying me here, and I know we will all need to get back to Resolution sooner than later. ::beat:: But if we can swing it, I would love to.
As the sun set over the Trill capital city, Yogan and his father continued their conversation, reminiscing about the past as well as speaking hopefully about the future. Things in the family would no doubt continue to change, and there would be troubles ahead especially where his mother was concerned, but Yogan resolved never again to distance himself from the people who cared about him. These relationships were too precious to leave behind again.
TBC
PNPC Aydam Verso
Yogan Yalu’s father
with, and simmed by
Lieutenant JG Yogan Yalu
Helm Officer
USS Resolution NCC-78145
Justin
D238804DS0
As you liberate yourself in metaphor, think of others, those who have lost the right to speak.
— Mahmoud Darwish