LTJG Lhandon Joseph Nilsen - Dear Commodore V'Airu and Commander Rouiancet

[Lhandon Nilsen]

((OOC: Hey all, so I aiming to move Lhandon away from manic depressive, this and the next sim are the drawing of a line of sorts))

(( 01:15 - Gym, Deck 7, USS 'Oumuamua ))

Rouiancet: (another smile) And I'll be relying on you as my newest junior lieutenant.

Nilsen: Are you sure?

Lhandon was lost in his thoughts. The outside world was silent, but his mind had been far from it, filled with a thousand swirling ideas, and echoes of every doubt and worry.

This should have been a joyous occasion, having received a promotion amid a workout, a hilarious novelty. Yet, Lhandon hadn't relished the moment. His own mind had gotten in his own way.

V'Airu: We are, both of us, very sure.

Nilsen: I…if…I…I don’t deserve this. These are no…not mine.

V'Airu: They are. You've earned them.

Nilsen: I’ve…written my resignation letter (beat) I am going to submit it after I finished up everything on the Oumuamua.

V'Airu: That would be unwise--

Nilsen prehaps could appreciate thst the Commodore was right, if he was thinking straight.

Rouiancet: Please don't do that, Lhandon. I don't know what we, what I, would do without you out in the deep dark. Even if you don't want to keep going for you, do it for the people who care about you, who you care about.

o0 Listen to her 0o

Nilsen: Like..erm…o0 Tox, Eli, Josh. 0o they erm…for them?

Rouiancet: Then -- what do you think? Will you come?

Lhandon had no more words, just a nod, and a sense that regret would attack him if he answer to the negative.

Rouiancet: (tentative smile) I'll see you out there.

As they left him to his thoughts, he had gotten one final word out.

Nilsen: V’Airu, Ro ::beat:: Thank you.

He sat back on the bench, his gaze unfocused, staring at some nearby weights. His mind was a whirlpool of emotions, thoughts, and memories, not pulling him in different directions but rather acting as a tractor beam, or anchor for him. He had been stuck between the past and the future, between regret and anticipation.

His body motionless, he hadn't been able to continue his workout, and he had known in the back of his mind that he couldn't continue like that.

He didn't know how long he had sat there, it was perhaps close to an hour, he had been just lost in his thoughts, but he knew that he couldn't stay there forever. He had needed to move forward, to make a decision, to take a step. But for then, that short period of time, he just sat there, stuck in his own thoughts.

((02:21 - Lhandon’s Room, Lhandon & Toxin’s Quarters, deck 7)

Lhandon eventally got up and returned to his quarters. He was numb but he knew he had to say something.

He found his bed and slept.

(05:14 - Lhandon’s Room, Lhandon & Toxin’s Quarters, deck 7)

He only got a few hours sleep.

He got up, and paced around his room before heading to the replicator and ordered a glass of apple juice, the soft drink bringing him comfort. He returned to his room, sat and spoke

Nilsen: computer start dictation. Message to Commodore V'Airu and Commander Rouiancet

What to say he wondered

Nilsen: =/\= Dear Commodore V'Airu and Commander Rouiancet. I wanted to say thank you for the promotion and the awards. To say I was caught off guard by them would be a massive understatement. I don't want to make an excuse but you both know I've been thinking a lot about my future :sigh: and my past. I have ran away my entire life when things have gotten ::beat:: tricky, and that's something which had always worked.=/\= 

o0 or rather it has only worked in the short term. Echo Sqaud, Denali Invitational. 0o

Nilsen: =/\= But the more I think about it. The more I find reasons to stay. I didn't realise that until this morning. Commander Rouiancet, you reminded me of the biggest reason, there are people here I care about, and the ::breathes in:: and they care about me. I just wish I saw it earlier. =/\=

He felt a reaction. Lhandon has always been one to wear his emotions on his sleeve and what ever this sense of family he felt right now was dancing on his cuffs.

Nilsen: =/\= If you will have me...I'd like to go with you. Commodore V'Airu, I never said thank you for everything, for giving me way more then a second chance. =/\=

He paused, he knew he had something else to say here, but what?

Nilsen: =/\= V’airu, I want to make things right by you. To reply you for the kindness you have given me, the erm ::beat:: the second, third, forth chances. I could be bring food, something from the farm, my home, Gault, that's how we do these things in these situations, but...I want to give you both something more valuable...I can't promise that I will be the best Starfleet Officer, nor the most by the book despite Etan's best efforts, I know my bullheadedness is going to be a thing, but I'm going to stick around. I'm tired of running.

If you will have me

Your absolute favourite HCO

Lhando =/\=

He had a little smirk to himself with the sign off and he ended that message, he looked at his PADD. He brought up the resignation letter.

Nilsen: Don't run Lhando. No more.

He tapped a few times on the PADD.

Nilsen =/\= computer resume editing.=/\=

The computer chirped.

Nilsen: =/\= P.S. I deleted the resignation letter.  =/\=

Then one more thing came to mind. The computer chirped as before.

Nilsen =/\=P.P.S. When I was with Torka, he said that while I was from the Oumuamua, I wasn't Oumuamua, I was still Echo. I've just understood what he meant. =/\=

He lent back on his seat and happy with the output

Nilsen: computer send message.

(06:43 - Lhandon & Toxin’s Quarters, deck 7)

Lhandon got no more sleep. He had just one task today at 19:20, it wasn't anything demanding, just a bit of PADD work that there was no point starting until then so he figured he could get a nap at some point before then.

He looked around his room for a moment, on his desk the pips and the ribbons. He never really had to place to store them, they were always just put in a draw. The other two from the last awards were found in the same draw. He took them out and opened the box they were in and looked at them again for the first time since he had been awarded them. They were his. The legion of Merit and Denali Invitioanl sat there. Now a second legion of merit joins it, as well the scarlet and black Joint Meritorious Unit Award and now the the orange and purple Diplomacy Ribbon

Nilsen: Huh! Diplomacy? Who woulda thought.

Orange, his favourite colour.

He elected to leave the older ribbons in his room, he took the pip that he had yet to attach. He ruined the moment a few hours prior but maybe he could make a new moment, for that he needed help.

Nilsen: Tox ::He called out:: You around?

He now has two tasks today.

TBC

((OOC: Next part to follow shortly))

Lieutenant JG Lhandon Joseph Nilsen

HCO

USS Octavia E Butler

O240007LN1

He/Him/His (Both player and character)