Ensign Herrick: 'That Man'
Mark P
OOC: In the infamous words of our XO, all opinions are strictly IC. Josh is starting to hit the storming phase with some officers 😉. This post does get a bit deep into some psychological trauma so just providing some fair warning in advance.
((Counseling
Offices, Deck Eight, USS ‘Oumuamua ))
At the sight of not one, but two counsellors, Herrick already
started to pull his body backward out of the doorframe to the office, as if his
subconscious had already decided to end the session before it had begun.
Salo: Please, come in, have a seat. I’ve been…assisting Lieutenant Brzezinski with some of the sessions.
Brzezinski: ::brightly:: You’re in for the double-threat today!
Herrick’s body was now fully outside the office, but he could still make eye contact with both officer’s who were seated inside. He hadn’t exactly been excused and this seemed to be an order. The notion of a ‘double-threat’ made him look down at his shoes; not from a lack of confidence but more he had to focus on making them shuffle forward into the office and look back up at the duo.
Brzezinski: Ensign… ::reading:: Herrick? Looks like this referral is for claustrophobia.
Josh nodded; it was apparent that he was uncomfortable; more with the topic than with the two officers in front of him.
Salo: Is this a new development, or an ongoing concern?
Herrick: Oh ::snapping his gaze towards the officer that asked the question:: Yes, I’ve been diagnosed with claustrophobia before.
Brzezinski: ::nodding:: And have you ever seen someone about it?
A long pause occurred following that question as Josh reflected on his treatment journey. It had been 20 years since the incident. He didn’t even realize how it had been affecting him until he came into the Academy, and it showed up on his psych eval following a training simulation. After that he’d done a bunch of self holo-based therapy outside a clinic setting, an approach often frowned upon.
These symptoms had been interfering with his work, but he also didn’t want them to be the reason he’d get placed on a medical leave. The hard part was determining how much info to impart without putting himself at jeopardy. He kept it to the level that was probably detailed in his file.
Herrick: Yes, after it was detected
at the academy, I went through some mandated counselling which seemed to alleviate
the issues until ::waving the PADD in the air, and then setting it down on the
table between them:: now.
Brzezinski: Do you want to try something different this time? (beat) Maybe
exposure therapy?
Herrick: oO Exposure therapy?! Oo
The images that kept him up at night, that required him to get hypos or take supplements on most nights, the last thing he’d want is to make those images even more real.
Herrick: Uh…
Salo:
I don’t think we’re at that point yet, Lieutenant.
Josh was thankful
for the Orion’s interruption. His mind, eager to switch to a new topic, picked
up on the difficulty he was having trying to get a read on the two. The chasm
between approaches seemed quite wide, one seemed to be eager to jump into the
meat of it, while the other seemed to have a more prolonged approach.
Brzezinski: ::lowly:: It could be fun.
Herrick: oO Fun?! You weren’t even there; you have no clue what happened…
I didn’t tell my last counsellor, why in the world am I even going to tell you?
Oo
Josh sat there quietly, which was his usual response to periods of his emotional volatility; except for mind altering blue-gold nebulas of late. He had spent many hours in the mirror focused on perfecting his ‘Vulcan face’ — perfect for poker games, and perhaps in hiding how enraged he’d become.
Salo: Fun?
Brzezinski: I guess it depends on your goal here.
The emerald counsellor’s sigh was barely perceived by Josh; he was continuing to focus on buffering the emotions inside to what he was showing; though without a mirror he wasn’t sure what he looked like. Who was this Rivka anyway?
Salo: I’m so sorry, would you please excuse us? Lieutenant, a word please.
Salo stood up, and then turned to Brzezinski. The ensign wasn’t sure exactly what was happening, but on top of what he was radiating from within (this time not Cesium 137), he doubted a knife would dent the tension in the air. It was almost becoming untenable to stay. But Josh hadn’t been excused so, like a good officer, he remained seated.
As the two of them, rather silently, walked out of the room, Josh felt his body tense up and the anger flooded out of him. It was strong and almost too much to handle. For the last few months, he’d been trying to suppress those events, not think about them. The most successful holo-therapist he’d found, a yogi-bro type, came to mind; and he started to do the deep breathing techniques that he learned from the photonic program to help regain his composure.
He'd been continuing for several minutes before Salo returned, it appeared she’d be taking the rest of the session solo.
Salo: I’m
sorry about that.
Herrick:
I.. really don’t think it’s your fault. ::a prolonged pause to allow more
controlled breathing:: More so your colleague.
Salo: ::offering
a gentle smile:: Brzezinski’s been helping us out, but is needed in another department, so I’ll be taking over for her.
Herrick: oO Thank the gods… really. All offense intended. Oo Understood Lieutenant.
There was a brief, but welcome pause before the counselor continued.
Salo:
Now, you said you’ve struggled with claustrophobia?
Herrick: Struggled may be a bit of a strong word. I would say that it’s
not negatively impacted my work performance to any meaningful degree. Who really
enjoys tight spaces? ::shrugging::
The counsellor nodded and
it appeared to Josh that this seemed to be a satisfactory answer. Simple
questions, simple answers. He could do this; he could make it to the end of
this session.
Salo:
Have you been to therapy before regarding this issue?
Herrick: Yes, back in 2394, the computer auto triggered an evaluation based on my responses to a training simulator. I worked with a counselor back on Earth to get through the symptoms, and continue onward and… I guess literally upward.
He offered a smile, a defensive mechanism as people brushed close towards issues. Charm got him through the last counsellor 6 years ago, and the techniques they’d offered plus the yogi-bro, had gotten him through the rest.
Salo: Response
Herrick: They believed that it was triggered by an accident when I was a child. I believe it’s all documented in my file.
Salo: Response
Herrick: oO She’s not letting up. Oo There was a turbolift accident that my sister and I were involved in when I was seven. They suspected because I was in an enclosed space, and that it created this… claustrophobia.
Salo: Response
And there it was, she had obviously read his file — either before the session began or before she came back in the room. That man… that officer… that had been in the turbolift with him and Em when it fell down the shaft. That man had taken him and his sister, Em, in his arms as it barrelled down. Starfleet would later chalk the accident up to a combination of minor issues that lead to his death, poor maintenance workmanship combined with a ship-wide power loss due to an unknown space phenomenon.
However, it didn’t stop Josh and Em from being stuck in that turbolift, dimly lit with emergency lighting, and seeing those eyes just staring at him blankly. He referred to him as ‘that man’ but it was the dad of his best friend and the only other child on the ship. Both men had brought their kids on a short 'jaunt' outside the solar system to give a taste of what Starfleet life was like. Just a shakedown after a refit — why hadn't the younger version of himself just insisted on staying with mom instead?
It was over an hour before the rescuers were finally able to get to the turbolift.
There had been a long period of silence that Josh really hadn't been aware of; then, a single tear escaped from the corner of his eye. This, all of this, was what he was avoiding — the tidal wave of dealing with these emotions. He had thought it was better to keep these things neatly packaged away… to avoid dealing with it. But, no matter what, it seemed like it would creep back into his life.
Salo: Response
He pinched the bridge of his nose, and a heavy sigh escaped him before he responded.
Herrick: Every single time I close my eyes, I... I... see him. I see his eyes staring back into mine. He saved me at the expense of himself. And then… I was just trapped there with him. I couldn’t help him. I couldn't help Em. I just… I just, nothing I could've done would've mattered.
He turned away from Salo as streams of tears started to drip down his face; he hadn’t really realized how much he’d been holding back until now.
Salo: Response