Ensign Josh Herrick: Parallels
Mark P
((Counseling Offices, Deck Eight, USS ‘Oumuamua))
He hid his face away; the mental dams he had erected to prevent this exact situation had burst and now the wash of emotions overran the man. A small sob escaped, almost inaudible, from his throat.
Herrick: oO Get a hold of yourself! Oo
This had been the exact opposite of his objective at the start of the session, which was to get a clean bill of health and move on with his career — but at what point should he stop ignoring the signals and get professional and sanctioned help? He took a deep breath in, trying to gain some semblance of stability. As his lungs filled, he shuddered and had to catch himself from bursting in tears again. After a few breaths, he heard the counsellor’s soft voice.
Salo: You felt helpless.
He wiped the tears away and turned back to the counsellor. Josh assumed that his face was probably blotched red but that was something he couldn’t control. He didn’t know how to respond back to her.
Herrick: oO Helpless… is that the right word? Is that the right feeling? Oo
He searched for the right word… something that would fit better. It was times like these that Federation Standard felt imprecise; telepathy felt like a more efficient route but that was not an option for him or the Orion.
Herrick: Helpless… yes. But also… trapped.
It was the mixture of the two that perhaps created a magnification of the feeling. In that moment, trapped in that turbolift with that man… the glazed eyes staring at him... the young boy wanted to be anywhere but there. And there was nothing he could do to help him or Em.
Em was his older sister, but only by three years. At 10, what could she have done? She had been transfixed by fear, but he hadn’t expected anything of her; he laid no fault at her feet. But the fact remained that for both, this had been the longest hour of their lives. The counsellor prompted him to continue.
Salo: Then what happened?
Herrick: We were rescued about an hour later, and apart from some understandable nightmares that happen on and off for a few months following… it. There really was nothing else that was notable. My parents kept wanting to talk about it, but at 7, I’m not really sure I had the faculties to really think through what happened.
When he made eye contact with Salo, he couldn’t tell if she was recollecting something in her own memory or thinking about what he said and waiting for him to continue. He pressed onward.
Herrick: We came back to the shipyards about a week after, and my dad took me planet side. It was a few years before they felt comfortable bringing me back out — back to the shipyards to gauge my interest in joining the Corps of Engineer in Starfleet.
Salo: And what are you feeling now?
Herrick: oO Time to stop dancing around it. Oo That my past trauma shouldn’t prevent me from fulfilling my duties on board. (With more resolve) I don’t want this to affect my active status.’
Unlike Rivka, this counselor seemed to be more sympathetic to his personal situation. He was hopeful that she would be understanding enough to pull him from the roster. He unconsciously held his breath waiting for her to respond.
Salo: Response
Disappointment filled Herrick. Even though she hadn’t said that she’d be pulling him off, she also didn’t say she’d be keeping him on. He was more upset at the situation than her and could understand why she’d want to know more about what happened recently before deciding. It was becoming clearer that until she was satisfied with the quality and fulsomeness of his responses, he wouldn’t be escaping back to Engineering.
Herrick: ::eyes looking up and he played back his mental tapes:: I guess… it started to show back up after the Chief and I were caught in that explosion on my first duty shift.
Salo: Response
Herrick: I was working on an EPS conduit, and when I touched the phase discriminator, there was a malfunction on a plasma ruptured from the conduit. Both the Chief and I were injured; thankfully we both made it through, and his injuries weren’t life-threatening.
Salo: Response
As an engineer, he hadn’t thought about it that way. He was the one that originally identified the issue, and while he didn’t drag the Chief down there with him, he was partly responsible for him being there. Just like his friend’s dad… the fact was that Kammus was there as a direct result of Josh’s presence — at least Death hadn’t paid the Lieutenant a visit.
Herrick: So… what do I do about ::pointing both his hands to his head:: this?
He doubted that all his symptoms were going to disappear after this session and perhaps therein lay the problem with Josh. His hesitation around counselling was that he always assumed what the recommendations were going to be, how the results would turn out, and the futility of most sessions. He wondered if Salo was going to go down a path that he’d already tried himself.
Salo: Response