Haukea-Willow: Family Tree
Aly Drolet
OOC: Haukea-Willow Family Tree
((Starbase 118, Command Center, Deck 7, Commanding Officer’s Ready Room))
That was it. She had no concept of the point. She merely had a nostalgia for something that never could be and never was. What she was feeling, why she was here, she did not think she would ever know. Yes, she had previous experience with difficult emotions, emesising due to witness of catastrophic hemorrhaging, the fear, sitting in close proximity of assimilating crew - singing Risian lullabies - rage because of insufferable Romulans. Nevertheless, until now, the prominence of such emotional sensation was not as acutely experienced. She was unable to provide reason or logic towards it.
Now, finally, her head escaping her hands, Haukea fixed her eyes on Gogigobo, who would have likely been aware of a shine to her eyes, her cheeks; tears.
Willow: I am unsure what ‘the point’ is Gogi. I experienced those emotions so strongly that I appeared to have left logic and reasoning behind. I’ve become so protective of this crew, the mere thought of harm coming to them makes me sick.
Haukea swallowed harshly, not directly gagging at the reduced space of her throat due to the tears.
Fairhug: It's entirely normal to feel protective of the crew, especially as a security officer. But when do you think it started overwhelming you like that?
Willow: I nearly lost one crew member in an experience that I was not prepared for being dangerous. If he actually had, or someone else had, I don’t know how I would possibly cope. This past mission, I very possibly, almost, allowed that instinct to win.
Fairhug: But you didn't.
Haukea swallowed, sagging, hunched, gasping for breath. Clinically, and by her own standards, it was not the symptoms of panic. She was simply permitting herself to be vulnerable in the presence of one of those many individuals she was exceedingly protective towards.
Willow: I am a security officer. Should I not be protective with the crew?
Protective; a word with connotations unencompassing of all intended. For herself, her emotions ran in fault lines, too cavernous, too superficial, too neglected. Yet the fear lay in the instincts distinctive form of logic and reasoning, serving only what she perceived was her own selfishness. Eventually, perhaps, it would emotionally compromise her as an officer, providing consequences and reduced agency for all present individuals.
Gogigobo straightened his spine in reaction to her words.
Fairhug: Of course you should. I was a security officer. I felt the same way. I still do. I'd find it more of a problem if you didn't feel that way.
Willow: Personal safety and agency. I find them to be extremely important. Not mutually exclusive. But I can’t help but think a line could be crossed if I’m not careful. If I suddenly can’t keep going.
It was possible, in an alternate universe, or even reality, for Haukea to engage too heavily with the upside down logic and reason of the instinct, that she, as aforementioned, forwent agency altogether. Her perceived reality seeing limited alternatives. However, individual officers within Starfleet, with high intelligence, and equal common sense, frequently recognized probable consequences with greater fidelity, finding personal autonomy and privilege by taking ownership of the forthcoming repercussions.
Fairhug: It could.
Yet, The Risan was encapsulated in a feedback loop; personal protection versus personal autonomy. To intervene, how, and when, or step back, swimming in unknown guilt.
Then to layer, like sedimentary rock, decidedly invasive, inexpert emotional sensations, she imagined indecision.
Willow: What then?
Fairhug: Well, then you would have to deal with the consequences. But by acknowledging your feelings and confronting them, you're doing the right thing. Nobody can help if you don't speak up.
Willow: I am here. Even then I’m struggling with the specific assistance with which to request.
Subconsciously, Haukea surmised, due to her Risian heritage, she had a greater sensitivity and longing towards individual touch. Therefore, as Gogigobo swung around the furniture, placing himself horizontal to her own figure, next to, rather than across from, she may have practically, largely internally, felt the intensity and weight within herself loosen.
Fairhug: You have a lot of people here that you care about. Madison and Amar, for a start. On top of that, you find yourself in a position as Chief of Security where you may feel like it's your responsibility to keep them and everyone else safe. But you're not alone and it's not all on you.
Willow: I have family…I still though feel…I don’t know…. ::Maybe she was still trying to somehow fit in?::
In an acknowledgement towards their personal and professional relationship, Gogigo placed a gentle yet firm hand upon her shoulder, prompting Haukea to press her palms to her face, attempting to erase the tear stains. Then he stood.
Fairhug: Do you want something to drink? I'm going to have a gunpowder tea.
Haukea considered her choice for a moment. Her tears, now dry, had made her considerably thirsty, which she had not previously realized. A warm sweetened, spicier version of her favorite would provide comfort.
Willow: A Mexican mocha with cinnamon and nutmeg, please.
Gogigobo called for the requested beverages from the ready room’s personal replicator, returning with two steaming mugs, placing one in front of Haukea as he retook his seat next to her.
Fairhug: I don't know too much about Risian culture. Is family a big thing there?
Romantic endeavors, even those of the less committal form, were, in a sense, highly sought after within the Risian community. Yet Haukea could hardly distinguish what she perceived as common Risian family values from those of her own family. A family which blended biological and found relationships into one enormous tree.
Willow: I don’t want to provide a blanket statement, but for my family it was. We have a unique blend of biological relatives and those not related by biological or genetic means listed in the family tree.
Fairhug: Response
Willow: I have three siblings though only the sisters are related to each other. My brother holds no relation to them. And they likewise hold no relation to me. Not scientifically anyway. Yet, that doesn’t matter. They have been my siblings, each with a unique and complete family of their own.
Fairhug: Response
Willow: Same for my paternal cousin’s boyfriend’s siblings, whom I consider cousins respectively.
Fairhug:
Lt. Haukea-Willow
Chief of Security - Crisis Response
Starbase 118 Ops
M239512BG0
Ad Astra Per Aspera/To The Stars With Difficulty - Una Chin-Riley
