[BACKSIM] JP - LtC Deveau + LtC Foster - Dancing The Night Away Part 2
Amanda Nordstrom
((Infinite Starlight, Starbase 118 Ops))
DeVeau: It sounds like you’ve had a rough go of it.
He shrugged lightly and settled forward on the chair to speak more intimately with her.
Foster: Yes and no. I was the architect of a lot of my own misery for much of my life.
Which was true, though the Dominion War didn’t help any. Many of the ghosts from his past were directly exacerbated by loss and trauma that went well beyond his control.
DeVeau: So why is that? Why bring such misery upon yourself?
A curious question. He contemplated for a few moments and then leaned back. Alora watched him. As he leaned back, she did the opposite. Crossing her arms, she rest them on the table and leaned forward, her eyes dark in the dim light cast by the lamp upon the table.
Foster: I always had a hard time fitting in. Maybe I was running away from ghosts that I knew were there, but no one else saw. That said, I did pretty well being a roguish, cavalier medical genius until I lost my leg in a shuttle crash. We were shot down in a hot zone after trying to bring aid to the Vtappu colony after the Talarians attacked. I didn;t get great care afterwards and that started a slow downwards spiral.
An injury. Trauma. Trauma from the past, physical trauma that followed and, as he said, lack of care. Hadn’t he already dealt with lack of care from others. Mostly. From all but one it seemed.
DeVeau: That sounds hard.
Foster: Why do you think I help people like you? ::He asked without shame or bitterness.:: I’m trying to give you young people the chances to live and shine that I didn’t have.
DeVeau: Seeking redemption.
The waiter approached and set their drinks down before each of them, his smile warm enough to be genuine.
Waiter: What would you like to eat this evening? The emitter was there on the table, all they had to do was tap it and it would bring up a menu. Alora didn’t bother to look - she knew what they had.
DeVeau: I’ll take the Ktarian goftsht with sauteed greens on the side.
Waiter: Very good, and you sir?
DeVeau: Either the goftsht, which is a hearty meat, or the Saurian salmon…I can’t pronounce the actual name…those are my favourites. Of course, there are other options, but those are my recommendations .
Foster: Hmm. Then I will try the Saurian salmon, with sauteed greens. Sounds delightful.
Waiter: Very good. I’ll have those out for you soon.
The waiter moved off and one hand lifted so that Alora could rest her chin upon it.
DeVeau: So, do you still hide behind what you can do or do you let the real Cade Foster out for a spin on the dance floor from time to time?
He chuckled good naturedly.
Foster: You could say that this dancing fool is the real Cade Foster. ::he shrugged:: I have lived and loved and lost, fallen to the bottom and come back out. I’m too old to be anyone else. This is me in all my misery and glory.
DeVeau: Thus far I like what I see. Unless there’s something else you haven’t shared that I should be warned about.
Foster: My crew will confirm that I do enjoy running. In nice shiny short-shorts.
And he wasn’t kidding about that, either.
Shiny short-shorts? Now Alora was pretty sure she didn’t want to see *that*. He could do that over on the Constitution. Still, just that image in her head - an image she wasn’t sure she wanted either! - elicited a chuckle.
DeVeau: I guess that’s where Wyn gets it. I hope you feel comfortable showing the real you around me.
And around others. Others that would like him for who he was.
Foster: We all wear masks sometimes. Some masks are closer to truth than others. ::he shrugged:: Are you always the same person that you are right now?
The smile in response to that question was tight, and she dropped her hand back to the table, shaking her head.
DeVeau: I would be lying if I said ‘yes’. It’s very rare for people to go through experiences and not change - either for good or for ill.
Foster: You make it sound like being tossed by fate, that life will change you. Which, I suppose in a way is true. But I’m not sure if that’s the only or the best way to go about it.
He sipped his drink, enjoying the way the caffeine danced off his tongue.
DeVeau: I could ask the same question of you.
A pause, a consideration.
Foster: Well, I think that you not only do change - for good or ill, but if you want to become a better person that you have to change. You aren’t born perfect, and you won’t die perfect. You start out innocent, and innocence fades into stupidity. And from there you have to choose whether you’re gonna keep making the same stupid mistakes over and over again or if you’re going to make a consistent effort to grow and change. I think for some they start this early, maybe even in their teens. It took me until I was in my forties. I know some people who die stupid.
That was an interesting outlook. While she agreed that no one was born perfect, or ever became perfect in the process of their lives, she wasn’t sure she entirely agreed, and yet could she truly not agree? It was something she would have to ponder.
DeVeau: Til your forties? So you would say you *have* changed?
Foster: ::He chuckled and lifted his drink.:: I should damn well hope that I’m not the same stupid person I was half a lifetime ago.
How far had he come? How far had she? Alora knew what she had been like before, and while there were still many aspects of her that were the same she’d also changed in ways she never expected. She’d dealt with things she’d never fathomed. Upon reflection, she wondered how her friends saw that change. Kestra? Raissa? And of her family? What did they see now as opposed to before?
DeVeau: So what spurred it? What turned the tide? Was there a moment that changed the path of his life? For Alora, there had been many events that affected her. Perhaps it was a sense of egotism, but she never considered herself stupid, or to make *too* many stupid choices, but she most definitely not the same Alora she was even eight years ago.
He paused, and sobered. And for a moment he looked into her eyes with a soulful depth. His expression was haunted - sort of. The ghosts of the past were there, but they weren’t volatile anymore. They had been processed, peace had been made with them. Acceptance. He was walking with amicable ghosts now. Painful memories that had been long since scabbed over. They were still healing. They would always be in the process of healing and never truly go away. But they weren’t open bleeding wounds anymore and they hadn;t been open wounds for a long time.
When he spoke his tone was sober, but clearly calm and at peace with what had happened.
Foster: I almost killed myself. ::he admitted.:: I was ready to do it. I hit rock bottom. I lost a lot of people, I lost my rank, my position and most of my freedom. And while I was drowning in my sorrow, I couldn’t possibly see what I had left.
Eyebrows arched in surprise. Such a desperate situation, and in truth, Alora could not pretend to know what that was like. Had she been cast in the depths of sorrow? Struggled with tides that fate had tossed at her? Yes. But she had never gotten to that point.
DeVeau: How did you get there?
How indeed. Some failed missions were the start. The loss of a leg, the loss of a lover. The loss of his heart was a big blow. The Dominion war didn’t help one bit. Alcoholism. Self-destructive tendencies. Well intentioned but terrible decisions that led to a week in the brig and getting busted back down to a Jaygee from a Department head and Lt Commander.
Loneliness. Despair. Depression. All of them had snowballed into some very bad decisions.
Foster: Well, my mind broke and told me I had no one and nothing left. But that was a big stinkin’ lie. Because someone stopped me, and cared for me. And I found that yes, there were still people who cared. And I had to open myself up and let them help me crawl my way out of the hole I had put myself in.
Deveau: I imagine it wasn’t easy.
Compared to her, Alora felt like Cade had suffered more. She’d never gotten to such a point, and hoped she never did. She feared for some she had seen - Ashley. Sheila. But the knowledge that Cade had made it because other people had cared also showed that there was always hope.
Foster: It wasn’t. It took months to see the light of day and years to really feel like things had turned around.
And Wyn. The kid would never knew how much Cade needed someone to take care of. Someone to wake up and be better for every single day.
He had saved Wyn’s life, pulling the toddler from the snow. And Wyn had saved his life, pulling the man who was at that point only starting to heal solidly towards the light.
Which was why he came now, at a moment's notice, without hesitation.
DeVeau: I’m glad you were able to ‘crawl out’ as you put it. And if nothing else comes of this attempt to find out how to fix my problem, you can be assured of at least one thing.
Foster: And what is that? ::A hint of a smile came back to his features as he sensed some playfulness in her serious tone.::
Alora picked up her glass of water and saluted the man across from it.
DeVeau: You’ve met someone else who would prefer to see the real Cade. You’ve made another friend.
Whether he liked it or not.
He lifted his own glass to her and smiled gently.
Foster: And you know what? I’m OK with that.
DeVeau: Good. Because you don’t really have a choice in the matter.
Alora’s eyes twinkled with amusement and she lightly clinked her glass against his before taking another sip. Time could be a great healer, but she was very much aware that it couldn’t be done alone. And she was also aware that sometimes, she fell into that trap too.
DeVeau: Is this why you’re so willing to help an almost complete stranger figure things out?
He nodded a gentle assent.
Foster: No, you’re right. That is exactly why I try to help others now. Especially ones I see falling. Someone pulled me back from the brink, and now I owe it to pass that forward.
DeVeau: That and you get to find the pieces to a very difficult puzzle.
A puzzle that had most of its pieces missing. Searching for answers was what scientists and doctors did, but sometimes they didn’t find them. Somehow, though, knowing that Cade was on the job, knowing Wyn like she did, she felt better. And no, she wasn’t alone either.
The waiter chose that moment to return, setting one plate before each of them. The fish upon Cade’s plate was more purple than pink, with some sort of sauce laced over it and a spring of an herb placed as a garnish. Alora’s own had a bowl on the plate itself filled with a golden brown stew with a crusted surface and yet another sprig of an herb. Picking up her fork, Alora motioned to their meals.
DeVeau: Shall we?
He appraised the food with an appreciative gaze. It was unique and smelled very good. That was a tantalising combination.
Foster: We shall. This smells amazing.
DeVeau: I do warn you, I intend to make you work this all off tonight.
He looked up at her and slowly grinned.
Foster: Oh? If I knew that was the plan, I should have ordered dessert.
Let it be said that Cade had little fear of dancing the night away.
DeVeau: Eat first. Then dance.
Alora lifted her spoon, a small pile of food upon it, the salty depth of the meat tantalising her nose and spurring her mouth to water. Even without putting it in her mouth, she could almost taste it, but for a brief second, she saluted her companion with it.
DeVeau: Then dessert.
Foster: You know, spending time with you is dessert. But a little sugar will quicken the feet.
And afterward, they would dance some more, and she would go as long as Cade did, more than happy to move to the music, sweep across the floor, and take joy in the moment while she had it.
It was liberating to spend the night dancing. Swinging, spinning and losing oneself in the music. Alora could feel her true age, and Cade could feel young. For a few precious hours, troubles melted away and all that remained was a shared joy.
Tomorrow they could go back to solving the problems of the galaxy.
Tonight there was music and laughter and endless dancing.
***************
Lt Commander Cade Foster Chief Medical Officer USS Constitution-B E239010ST0
&
Lt. Cmdr. Alora DeVeau
First Officer
Starbase 118 Ops
M239008AD0