Lt. Sheila Bailey - Change Is Never Easy and It Actually Makes Me A Bit Scared.
Aly Drolet
OOC - Warnings of Self Harm intrusive thought at the very beginning of my sim. No actual Self Harm is inflicted. Feel free to skip the first few paragraphs if that subject has a potential of triggering you.
((Starbase 118 - Commodore’s Briefing Room))
((Time Index - Morning After Shore Leave))
Sheila was exhausted. Though frankly that was an understatement. Sheila had fallen into a bad patch again. Into the realization that yes she was still struggling, and hard, even if it wasn’t showing in her actions or her words. Progress in some respect. Though frankly she was not sure why. She was comfortable within her friendships and interactions with co-workers. Maybe it was because she was nearing the anniversary of her transfer, bringing back memories of an even darker time in her life. And the sad thing was that her transfer-anniversary also coincided with when she ran away from Elaysia. A whole bunch of mixed emotions she hadn’t thought of in a long while.
So this morning it had been a right struggle getting out of bed to make it to Taybrim’s meeting summons. Alistair had to prod her with his wet nose several times before she even had the energy to get out of bed. Even then her legs and hips ached. She guessed it would be a day where she used her wheelchair and the extra padded cushion. Maybe she would even take some supplements as a precautionary measure before leaving the apartment. No matter what she did to prepare Sheila knew that she was going to have to mask her emotions during the meeting. Other senior officers were relying on her to be a leader and a positive reflection of her department; she couldn’t do that if she felt on the edge of anxiously scratching at her skin until it bled. No, that was something she knew for a hard core fact she did not want to have happen this morning. The urge wasn’t even present; it was simply a thought that flowed through her mind like a leaf in a stream. A temptation that was not like her, not any more. Even then as she got ready, dressed in her uniform and braces, she made sure to wrap her wrists and hands, the way a boxer might, with thick medical gauze, in order to have a physical barrier to stop her in the 0.0000000001% chance that she actually did want to scratch at her wrists. After that she switched out the cushions on her wheelchair and took a seat, hooking her crutches onto the back. Alistair got suited up as well. Before long they were off, entering the meeting room with at least 5 minutes to spare before it got started.
Finally entering the large briefing room Sheila was taken aback. Normally they had a whole party for this sort of thing. At least if this was about awards as she thought it was. If it was, then the last time that she had awards given out in a meeting room was when she was back on the Astraeus and promoted to Lt. JG. Not something she necessarily wanted to think about. She had felt undeserving at that particular time. Even so, Sheila wheeled herself over to a table piled high with food and drink. Carefully she grabbed a cup of Earl Grey tea, adding two sugar packets in order to make it near sickenly sweet. With that she found a spot without a chair present and parking her chair, breaks engaged, having Alistair lay at her feet just as Taybrim began.
Taybrim: I want to thank everyone for joining me so early. We have quite a few things to go through, but I am glad that we could take the chance to gather. ::He smiled readily and stood at the front of the table.:: I wanted to start by recognizing the actions taken by this crew to protect innocent civilians, rescue fellow crewmates and to bring a bunch of opportunistic pirates to justice. To recognize the tremendous dangers and heroic acts taken by everyone who was miniaturized and taken by pirates, Starfleet recognizes Alora DeVeau, Arturo Maxwell, Ishani Kasun, Isaiah Andrews, Drevas Matthel, Prudence Blackwell, Ariana Amaase, Sheila Bailey, Ashley Yael and Tatash with the Prisoner of War ribbon. ::He paused, personally giving a gaze to each and every person.:: I am never happy to give such awards because they ride on the back of traumatic experiences, but you all were incredibly brave in the face of adversity and I am very proud to say that you persevered and overcame, protecting the civilians you had with you.
Sheila had to swallow the bile that rose in her throat at Taybrim’s acknowledgement. This was her second POW ribbon and frankly Sheila wanted to be angry at that especially since it was given right after her last one. Sure it was wonderful to be recognized but this mission felt undeserving of that. It was not like she had got beaten up by any of the pirates. Nevertheless she held a straight face, hoping to hide her emotions.
Amaase: Thank you Captain. ::she offered a small smile::
Bailey: It’s never easy but the acknowledgement is appreciated.
Any: Response
Taybrim: Furthermore I want to recognize those who went above and beyond. Sheila Bailey, for being a voice of calm in the storm and helping keep your civilian companion safe and grounded, I am proud to recognize you with the Unity Ribbon.
Unlike the last award Sheila was actually proud of this one, a welcome smile forming on her lips. Sheila knew what it was like to struggle and when Alex Harper had been in the middle of panic she wanted to provide the most comfort and support that she could. She had wanted to do what she wished had been done for her in her times of need.
Bailey: ::Bowing her head:: I am honored Sir.
Taybrim: Ariana Amaase, you were also a grounding port in the storm for your fellow crewmates, helping aid the injured. Your background in counselling shines through in everything you do and this is intensely valuable to your crew. I am proud to recognize you with the Unity Ribbon as well.
Amaase: Thank you Captain.
Sheila didn’t say much else throughout the rest of the awards, she simply nodded her head and smiled where appropriate. She might have even scratched absentmindedly behind Ali’s ears in order to ground herself. No matter, she was still proud of the awards given to each and everyone of her crewmates, no teammates and friends. They deserved them wholeheartedly. And if she could she would have given each one of them a hug, Matthel most of all; Sheila had almost cried at Taybrim’s acknowledgement to the young Bajoran man. Soon enough the conversation turned towards other to do’s as the awards portion concluded.
Taybrim: I have two warm welcomes. Please welcome back Lt Commander Nijil, who returns from his extended mission to Rekarian space. Nijil, I am so glad to have you back with us.
He should have known. He huffed, though it wasn’t a frustrated one, it was one of acceptance.
Nijil: I am thrilled to be back. ::his tone gave way just how true that was.::
McLaren: Welcome back, Nijil.
Taybrim: And please also welcome back Lieutenant Taelon, returning from a short leave. ::he smiled to his El Aurian friend.:: Always glad to have you back with us.
Taelon: Ah - um, glad to be back.
Sheila smiled ever brighter at the mention of Nijil being back, whether that was as XO or not she didn’t particularly care. It was always great for her to see familiar faces. To get a physical reminder that her friends were still alive and breathing. And with Taelon she was glad of just that. As CMO she had slight knowledge of what the man had been through. It was a relief in a way to see him sitting among them.
Taybrim: And next I have a fairly major update for everyone. ::he drew in a breath:: I have had a lot of conversations after the last mission, some with you, some with Admiral Hauke, many with the up and coming leadership of StarBase 118. It is clear that with our last mission to Qo’noS my role in sector politics and leadership has changed. This is only reinforced by my rank of Commodore. And I can either rail against it and become an ever growing target for easy assassination, or I can accept it and start to make a transition. And I don’t like to fight against fate. ::A pause, he let that sink in.:: Make no mistake, I am not leaving any of you, nor will I be leaving StarBase 118. But, my hand needs to focus on sectorwide issues. Politics between the Klingon Empire, the Romulans, the Gorn Hegemony, the Independent Sectors and the ever present Orion Syndicate are still heated, and while war was averted, there is still a delicate balance in the Trinity Sector and much of that balance rests upon us. So, it is now my job as Sector Command to rest that concern on my shoulders.
That definitely came as a shock nearly sending Sheila into dissociation. Thankfully Alisair was by her side, placing his front paws on her knees. Sheila had known XOs to change or step down during her time but frankly she felt that this was worse than her transfer in a way. With her transfer she hardly got to see those crewmembers again save for one; it was like ripping off a bandaid. However in this particular case Sheila would simply not see Sal as much as she would have liked and that scared her. Not that she had gone to the Commodore much since their one conversation. Despite that though it felt like a complete loss of a friend and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that.
No, Sheila reprimanded herself. She had to remain brave. Being scared was a feeling, being brave was an action, she could do both. Being brave simply had to outway being scared.
Any: Response
Taybrim: We still need day to day heroes to rescue civilians from pirates, investigate shenanigans, provide relief efforts and all the things we do when we’re not meddling in quadrant-wide politics. And to address this – I am officially placing Commander Ishreth Dal as Commanding officer of StarBase 118 under my supervision. Commander Dal and Commander DeVeau will handle the day to day operations of the StarBase, including your upcoming mission.
Any: Response
Taybrim: Before we begin the briefing, I wanted to give some time for you to ask questions. I hope this transition does not seem like too much of a shock, but I want to make it as smooth as possible.
Taelon: So, are you - when we leave on missions, you’ll be staying behind?
Taybrim: I will be staying on StarBase 118 for some missions, yes. ::he offered a smile:: Don’t worry. Other missions are still under my purview so you’re not getting rid of me quite yet.
Taelon/Any: Response
Tatash: We’ll try harder.
Taybrim’s answer to Taelon's question calmed her heart more than she realized. Sal was still going to be around. Even so she had a quite personal question she wanted to ask the Commodore. Would he still be there for her? Could she still come to him if she felt the need? Sheila didn’t want to bother the older man if his new role made him too busy for her own honestly selfish desires. However now was not the most appropriate time for such a question, it would expose her far too much and in front of everyone. Instead she tucked the inquiry away in the back of her mind to revisit later if she so desired. Now was the time to school her features back into a professional blank stair and focus on the briefing as it began.
TBC
Lieutenant Sheila Bailey
Chief Medical Officer
Starbase 118 Ops
M239512BG0
"The very first requirement in a hospital is that it should do the sick no harm." - Florence Nightingale