Lieutenant Commander Lael Rosek: Deepest Desires of the Heart
Lael Rosek
OOC: I’ve written Lenik’s memory from Lael’s perspective with the thought of her witnessing and feeling the memory through his eyes.
(( Auxiliary Cargo Bay / Converted Brig, SS Belfast ))
Lenik: I’m not sure I believe you. Let us find out for sure.
::She said nothing, refusing to give him the satisfaction. The more she squirmed and tried to fight him, the more pleasure he would gain from her fear. That was one lesson she’d learned all too well. No. She’d remain still and the fight that she couldn’t put up with her body, she would put up with her mind.::
::Somehow, she managed to choke back a sob of fear as his hands found the contact points on her face, her body tensing further. She’d never been part of a Vulcan mind meld and the very thought of it scared the $%!* out of her. She turned her face, attempting to dislodge his fingers.::
::However, he compensated for her struggles and she gasped loudly as she felt his mind invade hers. The shock to her system made her easy prey at first, hearing the words as though she was far away, even as they rang in her ears.::
Lenik: Your mind… is my mind. Your thoughts… are my thoughts…
::Images of her past overwhelmed her, disconcerting her.::
((Flashback))
((Cedar Springs, Michigan, Earth))
((Approximately 24 years Earlier…))
::It wasn’t the first time Johnny Warren had pushed her, but it was the first time he’d made her cry. Her hands shook as she studied the scrapes on them, just deep enough that blood was coming to the surface and staining the edges of the torn skin. It stung, though not near enough to induce tears.::
::No. His words had done that. Mongrel he’d called her. Half-breed. Freak. The taunts continued as she rose shakily from the ground with her best friend, Nicholas, helping her. She could tell he wanted to take a swing at Johnny, but he wouldn’t have stood any better of a chance than her.::
::As she found her footing, her gaze locked with Johnny’s and she glared at him despite the hot tears rolling down her cheeks. The hurt was rapidly turning into anger, but the fire in her eyes didn’t seem to deter him. When he made to push her again, she punched him in the jaw...or tried to. He caught her fist easily and shoved it aside as he pushed her again. This time, though, she was ready and didn’t stumble.::
Rosek: Don’t you have anything better to do than pick on girls half your size?
::This drew a series of “ooo”s from the crowd that had gathered around them. She wanted to look for a teacher, but she didn’t dare take her gaze off of him in case he got physical again. As she’d suspected would happen, he got angry and shoved her a third time, harder than the previous two times.::
::The only thing that kept her from falling to the hard ground was Nicholas’s good reflexes. As he helped her back to her feet, she shoved his hands away. A hurt look crossed his face. She couldn’t spare him the explanation. If she showed even the slightest weakness, Johnny would take advantage of it.::
Warren: ::laughs and points at Nicholas:: Check it out. The little freak has a pet. ::smirks:: For all the good he’ll do her.
Rosek: ::yells:: I bet you wouldn’t be so tough without all of your cronies backing you up. I bet you’re nothing but a coward who’s mad because nobody likes you.
::As bold as her words had been, no amount of them could stop the fist that came flying at her face.::
((End Flashback))
::She barely had time to catch her breath before her mind was being overwhelmed again, this time with memories she was certain weren’t her own.
(( The year 2348, during the Setlik III Massacre ))
::It was disconcerting at first, the unfamiliar landscape and the devastation around her as she tried to get her bearings. Pieces at last started to connect. Cardassians. She struggled to recall the history of conflict with them even as she saw the scene unfolding from behind Lenik’s eyes. The rifle felt heavy against her chest, the metal cold against her skin in places the tattered cloth of her uniform didn’t cover. She rounded the corner of a destroyed building, a numbness that she was only too familiar with invading every part of her mind. A sudden thought flooded her mind and the emotionless part of her zeroed in on it, accepting it as truth: kill.::
::Her movements were flawless as she came into view, expertly changing the settings on the weapon as though she’d been doing so for years. It would be a messy killing. The Cardassians followed her and the moment she had them in her sights, she fired, feeling the slight smile that slid across her lips at the tortured screams.::
::Her family was gone. Slaughtered at the hands of men like the ones she so ruthlessly cut down. Though there were still hundreds of Cardassian soldiers about, she was determined .that she would kill as many as she could.::
((End Flashback))
::She gasped as Lenik broke the meld, her body still shaking from the adrenaline coursing through her veins. Right now, she wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball...to hide away from prying eyes and cry. But she couldn’t. The restraints and her imprisonment here had her at Lenik’s mercy.::
::She could only pray that the meld had drained him as much as it had drained her. She didn’t really have much experience with them, but she imagined it took a great deal of energy for Lenik to force his way past her normally solid mental shields. By all rights, he shouldn’t have been able to penetrate them at all. Yet, he had.::
::She could feel something warm, wet, and slightly sticky trickling down from her nose and her tongue peeked out to catch the droplet, her tastebuds hit with the metallic tang of blood. She jerked away from his touch as he swiped a finger across her upper lip, fighting panic when she saw the dark red of her blood smeared across his skin.::
Lenik: You have… quite the past, don’t you, Lieutenant Commander?
Rosek: ::breathlessly:: Go to hell!
Lenik: If such a place exists, I have no doubt that I will be bound for it, my dear. But we have so much left to do, first.
Rosek: ::lips thin:: I’ll die before I give you what you want.
::Though some of the anger was starting to fade, the adrenaline was making it difficult to get rid of it entirely. What had been in whatever that thing was that Rilaw had shot her with? It felt like Temlai all over again. They’d tortured her physically for hours, but they had nothing on a psychopathic Vulcan who invaded her most private thoughts. Thankfully, she’d been able to prevent him from going deeper by focusing on Johnny Warren. As painful as it had been to relive that memory, it was one of the more innocuous ones from her past.::
Rosek: ::glares at him:: My crew will destroy this ship and everyone aboard it before they give in to your demands.
Lenik: I have no doubt that you believe that, Lieutenant Commander…
Rosek: ::straightens:: I’m not afraid to die for what I believe in. Can you say the same?
Lenik: Oh, you will find out. I think I shall call you Lael. We’ve shared so much, Lael. I know you more… intimately than any other man ever will. Do you think, Lael, that Lieutenant Galven would be jealous?
::A flare of outraged anger surged through her veins and every muscle in her body tense, her teeth gritted together behind pursed lips. She used a technique that Evan had taught her, focusing on the step by step visualization, her eidetic memory hearing his voice as he spoke the words. It worked just as it had every time before, the tension melting away and the tempest calming to a mild breeze.::
::She knew what he was doing. He was trying to distract her...weaken her focus by overwhelming the emotional processing center of her mind. It was taking a great deal of restraint not to snap back at him. Instead, she focused on German...every positive memory they’d created together in the last several months.::
::She could almost feel his arms wrapped around her right now, his lips brushing tender, sweet kisses behind her ear and along her collarbone. His fingers ghosted gently across her exposed skin, the touch calming her. She was safe.::
Rosek: oO The feelings are only temporary. Father, take control. Give me peace. Even in this situation, you are working for my good. At this very moment, you are using the situation to shape me. Give me peace. Oo
Lenik: As for what I want? Have you ever seen what a heavy freighter at high impulse does when it impacts a fully inhabited colony? Let’s find out.
::Tears of frustration and helplessness stung at the corners of her eyes, but she blinked them back. The tightness in her chest from earlier returned, her breaths shallow and heavy. Each mouthful of air she tried to draw in felt like shards of glass stabbing at her vulnerable lungs. Anxiety had never been her friend. A war was waging inside of her mind and it felt like every part of her body was choosing a side. She was torn, wanting to do the logical thing...the thing she had been trained to do.::
::Countless holodeck simulations and lectures on what to do and how to respond if she was captured by an enemy and tortured for critical information that could put the security of the entire Federation at risk. But a part of her was afraid, no matter what she might tell herself to the contrary. It was Abigail all over again, forced to make the choice between doing the safe yet selfish thing and doing the stupid but heroic thing.::
::She wasn’t sure if she should feel relieved or anxious as she watched Lenik leave the room. Thanks to her sensitive hearing, she caught the conversation out in the corridor.::
Lenik: Get in there, and don’t let her out of your sight.
Engineer: Yes sir!
((Time-Jump))
::She’d lost track of how many of her memories she’d thrown in his direction over the last couple of hours. He’d been relentless. By now, she was mentally exhausted from trying to keep her emotions in check. Her struggle was starting to take its toll on her body. Everything throbbed and her legs were jelly, barely able to support her weight. It was taking everything she had to stay conscious, blood dribbling from her nose and sweat coating her face, neck, and chest. Her clothes felt uncomfortably tight and hot.::
Lenik: Response
Rosek: ::glances at him and shakes her head weakly:: You’ll have to kill me.
Lenik: Response
::His fingers again found the meld points on her face, but by now, she was too weak to physically push him away. She had to save her strength for the mental battle that laid again. With the last point in place, she felt a surge as he plunged into her mind, drawing a pained gasp of shock from her oxygen-starved lungs. A memory came to the surface that she’d buried far back, so far that she’d hoped it would never again see the light of day.::
((Flashback))
((Sto’vo’kor Lounge, USS Gorkon))
((Stardate 239308.31))
::The place was still a mess. But they’d managed to clear out the devastation well enough that it was at least a passable scene for a birthday party. They’d been here nearly a year and the hope of getting home was fading with each passing day. A darkness had settled over her heart that nothing seemed able to diminish. Nothing but the now-one-year-old blonde-haired, blue-eyed little infant toddling around in front of her as Jansen (her Jansen, not his counterpart) held her close, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist.::
::Moisture gathered in her eyes as she observed the unadulterated joy on the little boy’s face as Jansen’s counterpart tossed his son up in the air, an ear-splitting grin on his face. Her gaze flickered to her counterpart, who looked the happiest she’d ever seen her. As Jax’s bright blue eyes met Lael’s and a toothy/gummy grin crossed his angelic face, her breath caught in her throat.::
::Logically she knew that as much as he looked like her and Jansen, he wasn’t theirs. She and Jansen didn’t have children. But another part of her wanted to rush toward that little boy, catch him up in her arms, hold him tightly to her and never let go. Her chest constricted at the thought of her own child to read bedtime stories to every night. Her own little Jax to tickle and hug and kiss and sing lullabies to and to chase around.::
::Until Jansen’s alternate counterpart had come crashing back into Jax’s life, Lael had been the one coddling the little boy whenever she wasn’t on duty. Her counterpart, fighting postpartum depression and the loss of her husband, had needed the support. While she hadn’t needed Lael specifically, Lael had jumped at the chance to experience motherhood. Late night feedings with a bottle while her counterpart slept the few hours she needed, diaper changes...::
::Lael had bonded with Jax and felt almost as much his mother as her counterpart. Her devotion to the little life had only grown, filling the darkest corners of her heart with a near-blinding light. She wanted to be a mother. Until that precise moment, it had only been a passing thought, a future so distant that it didn’t bear thinking about. Her situation just wasn’t stable enough to in good conscience bring a life into the world.::
::Jansen’s counterpart at last sat the boy down on his feet and Lael felt her lungs seize momentarily as Jax turned his gaze to her. There was a look of complete adoration shining in his eyes as he ran to her, throwing his arms around her legs and hugging them tightly.::
::It was a long moment before she could respond, slowly reaching her hand out and laying it on top of the boy’s head. His eyes again found hers and she stooped down to pick him up, one arm supporting his bottom as her other hand laid across his shoulders. Her eyes slid closed and she focused on his warm breath puffing across the base of her neck as he clung tight to her with his little fists.::
Jax: ::murmurs:: Wuv you, Wae Wae.
::The tears that she’d been fighting back spilled over, creating hot twin trails of moisture down her cheeks. In that moment, nothing existed but her and the little boy vulnerable and openly affectionate in her arms.::
L. Rosek: ::breathes:: Mi ankaŭ amas vin, mia amata knabo. Al la rando de la universo kaj reen. (I love you, too, my darling boy. To the edge of the universe and back.)
((End Flashback))
Lenik: Response
::Her mind still vulnerable from the bittersweet memory, her mental shields dropped momentarily just enough for him to sneak past. When she saw the first digit of the prefix code appear in her mind’s eye, it jolted her from her the painful trip down memory lane. She focused on the her earlier thoughts had brought and pictured it as a gale-force wind licked by flames. A second digit appeared. She stumbled around for the familiar presence of his mind brushing hers and, summoning every bit of anger she felt at Lenik, she imagined it exploding from her body.::
Rosek: oO NO! 0o
Lenik: Response