Lt. JG Alix Harford - Fate Knocking... Again
Meri
Alix took her time and read the entire report through a few more times gathering her wits. There were so many things flying at her all at once, not the least of them was very out of date grief. There would be a lengthy call with Sevantha, no doubt, but in reading the report of Charles’ wounds, his death, so much from her time on the Astraeus began to make sense. It was the missing piece of information that had everything finally clicking into place. Overwhelmed, but holding it together, all of her thoughts fought to be free of her lips first, but the one that succeeded was:
Harford: They called you back to the Bridge?! You- ::she couldn’t say it:: and they called you back to the Bridge not moments later?
Charles: It was Frontier Day, Doctor. I don’t think Captain Delano had much of a choice. There were Changelings and Borg appearing at random; our own ships were against us, our own crews. I just can’t do it anymore. I collapsed at my post, then woke up in Sickbay. Every time I am on that damn Bridge, I am reminded of it over and over again.
Folding her hands in her lap, Alix listened as Charles very loosely recounted what was obviously not a full account of the day’s events. She didn’t blame him. She barely wanted to hear it and assumed he wanted to tell it even less. When he was done, she sat quietly for a moment. She didn’t press for more information, she didn’t cry (though that would come later), and she didn’t make this moment about her. Instead, she looked across the desk at the man with whom she had a more tangled past than she cared to admit, and she let him go. This wasn’t about her, or their romantic history. This moment, this transfer, was about a man trying to find a way to move on, to survive death and, she hoped, keep living.
Harford: Honestly, Charles, I don’t blame you. The transfer, I mean, it makes sense.
Charles: Thank you… Alix.
Turning back to the newest page in his file, the Transfer of Medical Records, Alix pressed her thumb and released his record to a Dr. Talia Ohnari. Then she tucked the PADD away and looked up at him.
Harford: I wish that we had ended up differently, Charles, and I know that I am to blame for that- but… but just know I have never doubted you for a moment. You’re a great man and an even better Officer.
The classic Matthews head shake of dismissal didn’t surprise Alix, but it frustrated her as it always did. She couldn’t decide whether Charles’ lack of belief in himself was a very endearing quality or an infuriating one. Likely both at the very same time.
Charles: ::sighs::
Harford: Why the sigh?
Charles: I just don’t know what to say. You know I’m not good with compliments.
Harford: No, I know you aren’t. ::sad chuckle:: I guess I just want you to know how much I believe in you before you go. We likely won’t see each other again for…
She couldn’t bring herself to finish that sentence and an awkwardly sad pause hung in the air between them. The fleet was what it was and the truth was they may never see each other again. Heck, it was pretty amazing that they’d ended up on the Astraeus together less than a year after they both graduated. It just didn’t happen and the odds of it happening again were… beyond astronomical. Alix let the silence settle over her, content wasn’t the right word, but she’d force herself to sit with it and she certainly didn’t want to leave, not yet. If this was going to be her last moments with Charles Matthews, she’d stretch them out as long as possible no matter how painful it was for her. He must have felt the same because after the long silence, he stood, walking to the replicator for a refill and then offered her an excuse to stay a little longer.
Charles: Spice tea, extra sweet. ::replicator chirps:: Do… you want a drink?
Harford: Um, yes. Yes please, that would be great. Spearmint tea, no sweetener please.
It was her comfort drink, had been since childhood, and watching “the one that got away” get away again was certainly something she needed a little comfort for.
It ended up being a pleasant afternoon. The two sat together in his office sipping tea and having a nice casual conversation. Maybe taking the pressure off of what they could have been helped them lay their baggage down, or maybe they just didn’t have it in them to fight and say goodbye at the same time. Whatever the reason, it felt almost like those first teas shared back at the Academy. A little while later, Alix wished Charles well one last time and said goodbye with a hug. Miraculously, she managed to hold herself together until she’d made it to the turbolift. By the time the lift doors parted again, the tears were pouring down her face so hard that two separate officers stopped her to ask her what was wrong. She couldn’t answer, instead she waved them off and retreated to her quarters to privately fall apart.
((3 months later))
((Alix’s Quarters, Room 146, Deck 14, USS Khitomer))
Settling in on the Khitomer was going well. Alix had enjoyed the few days exploring Deep Space 33 and checking off the standard list for new arrivals. She’d even taken Amelia up on being her neighbor, which she was sure she would come to regret, but she was trying to do things differently. The Alix of before would have preferred to be closer to Sickbay and further from people. Stepping out of her comfort zone meant letting people into her life and there was one in particular that she knew she was putting off connecting with. It had been a few months since she’d last spoken to Charles outside of one failed call to the Khitomer.
Laying sprawled on her bed, cuddled with Pickle, her huge green axolotl plush, Alix Harford tried to muster the resolve to go and find Charles. The last thing she wanted was to leave it to chance and run into him on duty or randomly galavanting around DS33. She also knew he would have heard of her arrival by now, and didn’t want him to think she was avoiding him.
Harford: Pickle. Why does the universe keep pushing us together? There must be some purpose to it all. ::sigh::
Pickle of course didn’t respond but the memories of her day on the San Francisco Pier with Charles responded loud and clear. That perfect day played over in her head, a stark contrast to the day she said goodbye to Charles on the Astraeus. Now here she was, just three doors away from him and she couldn’t sift through the emotions swirling through her in this moment. Grief? Elation? Trepidation? She had a degree in psychology now, still it didn’t help her understand her own complex feelings. All she knew for certain was that this wasn’t going to get any easier the longer she laid on her bed worrying about it.
Harford: You’re right, Pickle, fate means what we make it.
Forcing herself to her feet, Alix picked up a small red box that rested on her side table and crossed to the door. She straightened the invisible wrinkles in her deep green tee and straightened the cuffs of her jeans that refused to stay flat near her ankles. Five hundred twenty nine years, and the denim industry still couldn’t keep the damned seams from wanting to fold up on themselves.
oO And is it going to take you five and a half centuries to walk down the hall and say hello to him? Hmm? Oo
No, in fact it only took a matter of minutes before Alix found herself standing outside room 149 and pressing the chime.
Charles: Response
Harford: Hello, Charles.
Her face was sheepish, like a schoolgirl who had not been invited to the party but showed up anyway. The neatly wrapped gift in her hand didn’t help. She chewed her lip nervously waiting for him to say something.
Charles: Response
Harford: How’ve you been?
Charles: Response
TAG/TBC