MSNPC Aleatoranna "Tori" Semara - Undone

[Max]

(( Content Warning: There's some dialogue and narration towards the end of this sim that deals with suicidal thoughts, or close enough to it.  If you don't want to read that, here's the short version of this sim instead: Tori hasn't told Kael, and she feels pretty awful about it - and a lot of other stuff. ))

(( Sickbay, Deck 6, USS Khitomer ))

In the back of her mind, Tori imagined she could feel the Alliance ships steadily stalking closer towards the planet they now orbited, counting down the light years one by one.  Meanwhile, she was practically pawing at the sickbay doors for something to do about it.

Tori: :: A scoff :: I'm fine.  :: Beat ::  Well, we both know I'm not, but I'll live for the next - what is it now? - Three days?  There's got to be some way I can help stick it to those Mik'ta.

Talia snorted.  Normally, the familiar, congenial sound was something Tori would be proud to elicit, but this one was laced with a multi-color yarn of feelings other than happy bemusement.  Tori stared back.

Ohnari: Tori, honey, oO Whoa, that was weird Oo if we don't do something about your condition, the only thing you will be sticking is to this bed. As in permanently. Your bone density is...honestly I am worried about your own body weight, which is also drastically lower than healthy, snapping your tibias in two. Now, ::her stern doctor voice had taken on an additional edge, something akin to catching a child in the cookie jar prior to dinner:: Sit back down or I will restrain you.

It was Tori's turn to snort, unconcerned.  She'd spent too much time around the older doctor to be particularly intimidated by the younger doctor's tricks.  Odd how similar the two Talias were.  She searched Talia's grey eyes, not in a challenge, just simply to ask... "Really?"  No Talia in any timeline would treat any patient without consent.

Tori: I pinky promise to wheel around in a padded wheelchair for the next seventy-two hours.  I'm not going to lay here and be doted on like I'm in some sort of temporal spa when there's work to be done...

It was unfair, and Tori knew it, but how many people in her time would cheat, lie, and steal for the kind of medical care this still-young Talia was offering her?  There was no reason she deserved special treatment she could think of.  She was simply the person who was here.

Ohnari: Look, I get it. After however long of planning, you got here. You aren't used to being sedentary, you are used to being overwhelmed and out gunned and a constant state of survival. And, while I admire your efforts and what sacrifices you've had to make along the way, you are here now. You've delivered your warning. And while we may not be in agreement on the best plan of attack, we're not idle. Now please, let me help you.

Tori wanted to find some way to accuse or refuse, but fought with herself to understand why.  She knew it was true - she sensed something was brewing from the brief contact with Amelia's mind not long earlier...  She found herself wishing desperately to see her not-mother mother again without meaning to.  She pushed it aside with a shake of her head and a heavy breath.

Tori: Oh, fine.  You're going to treat Kael and the Admiral too, right?  Or am I Princess Osteoporosis in addition to my other titles?

Talia snorted again, and this time Tori let the little bit of warmth bouncing back to her creep into her eyes.  The Haliian had a way of working her way under the skin, whether Tori wanted her there or not.  Then the warmth slithered away, and Tori hardened against the confusing sadness.  She knew this feeling well.  It had nursed her to sleep many a night.

Ohnari: Well you can blame your mother for your graceful, willowy frame, which has led to why your bone density loss is more advanced than Kael's and the Admiral. Although, she did have the Sencha implant device for longer, and wasn't born into this madness. Now, I am going to start the infusion you are going to be good and lay down so I don't have to bring that surly guard to glare and grump at you for the next forty seven minutes.

Tori: That quick?

It seemed all wrong.  She knew it wouldn't magically make everything better, but it was hard to grapple with the concept of years of physical pain and weakness being so easily treated.  It took until seeing Talia's smirk in response to Tori's face flopping open for her to finally stop fighting this idea.

Ohnari: ::smirking:: I figured you'd be counting down the minutes, so I gave you a lead start. Once it begins, it might feel...a little strange, like you're becoming heavier. The serum is going to be turbo-charging your cells to begin building marrow, as well as some additional medicines to help negate some of the worst of the damage. ::her mood turned to somber, there was another little tidbit of unfun she'd discovered, and wasn't quite sure how to approach.:: There is something...else I need to talk to you about...

Tori didn't really want the help, but Talia wanted to help, and something else was the matter, so she allowed it to happen.  At least she could sit up on the bed, laid more upright while Talia set up.

She searched her face, feeling the jagged shape of Talia's emotions in her mind's fingers.  Ah.  This conversation.

Tori: Is this about my family planning options? :: Beat :: Or rather my lack of options?

Her tone was even and unfeeling.  Numb, even.

Ohnari: ::blinking rapidly:: Wh-wait. You know?! ::shaking her head:: Of course you know. Why wouldn't you know. ::she collapsed into sitting on the edge of the bed with an exhale:: Well damn. I had this consoling speech all lined up and ready to go and everything. ::smirking, she nudged the woman's legs beside her:: Look at you, being all emotionally stable and well regulated. ::raising an eyebrow:: I am clearly an aunt in name only. ::snorting:: I was an emotional wreck just figuring out how I was going to tell you. ::pausing, there was a wariness to her tone:: Does...Kael know?

Between two empaths, her hesitation said everything there was to be said.

She lost all willpower to look at Talia.  How could she give that answer?  So she gave none.

It was in the aftermath of a battle when she found out.  The Free Isles Fleet had launched a strike to try recovering data and resources from the abandoned station on Theta 122. She had been too stubborn to beam out when an Alliance fleet showed up on sensors - not until she found the research notes and scientific equipment she wanted...  After the Alliance started bombarding the planet with Sencha.  She couldn't remember if the notes were useful anymore.  How foolishly selfish.

Ohnari: Response

How clear it was now: she should have told Kael.  There were plenty of opportunities to tell him weeks, even months ago.  He had a right to know, but she'd never managed to summon the courage to say the words.  The self-soothing lies were all too easy to come by: It was her body, after all.  Truth was much more poisonous: she didn't know how she'd survive if he left her.  He had every right to want a child of his own, and she couldn't give that.

There was a reason she'd gotten away with it so easily.  A convenient, canned response.

Tori: It's not like a warzone is a place to raise a child, anyway.

Ohnari: Response

Tori: Don't sugar-coat it.  If I told him, he probably wouldn't feel like he had to come on this goddess-forsaken mission for me.  :: Beat ::  He never was sure of it...  The time travel, the quantities of Sencha I was playing with, what the Admiral and I wanted to do... :: her throat tightened :: I could have set him free to live whatever pasta-filled life he wanted.  :: Hardening :: Instead, I've probably killed him with my silence.

Something seismic shifted in her, and not just from the serum doing its medical magic to her battered bones.  What was it Amelia said in the conference room?  "So you’re riskin’ the love a’ your life for what…?" Tori's fingers started to ball up into fists, clawing at the padding of the biobed under her.  She warred with a manifestation of guilty panic rising in her mind, serrated lash in hand, but it wouldn't be silenced.

Ohnari: Response

There was really only one thing left in Tori strong enough to join the battle against the thoughts she didn't want: Anger.  It was all too easy to turn the same emotional particle-beam she used against the Alliance on herself and the person she'd become.  Her bones vibrated with it, and skin flushed hot as she stared down her time-auntie, her voice raised.

Tori: :: Cutting her off. :: Stop!  Just stop!  :: Sitting up. :: I didn't time travel to be preached at, consoled, or "fixed."  Don't you get it?  I know everything I've ever done is probably going to be un-done with this trip.  I will be undone.

And maybe that was the point.  If she never existed, neither could the terrifying Sencha weapon she'd made to travel through time, still mounted to the Ouachita.  The things she'd done to build it - the Sheliak and Tholian lives she'd taken and felt vanish, friends who'd died beside her in terror - would never happen.  Ras would never have lost his hand.  Amelia would have a different daughter, and the Semara line could live on with someone else.  She couldn't hurt Kael if she never existed in the first place.  Only Kael was here, too.

The rage mounted up and crested over her, tumbling into action.

Tori: This is pointless.

Her hand went to the port, and she yanked.  The port stayed stuck fast in her flesh, but the pain was immediate.  She cried out, and pulled harder, welcoming the awful ripping, embedded sensation pulling her apart as her weak muscles flexed harder than they had any right to.  But the transfusion port didn't budge.

Futility and hurt settled the matter, and her arms finally went limp as dizzy shocks of pain left her light-headed, and heavy, convulsive sobbing finally conquered her body, ransacking her shoulders, stomach and face all in one swift defeat.

Ohnari: Response

Tag / TBC ...

------- λ ψ Ω ω Ω ψ λ -------

Aleatoranna “Tori” Violet Semara

Former Science Officer

Daughter of the Stars

Heiress to the Golden Leaf of Semizad

as written by

Lieutenant Junior Grade Amelia Magnolia Semara

Science Officer - Special Projects

USS Khitomer - NCC-62400

A239710MA0