Ensign Lera Michaels - How do I know?
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steve...@yahoo.com
Mar 30, 2025, 9:31:24 PM3/30/25
to USS Khitomer – StarBase 118 Star Trek PBEM RPG
((Deck 6. Counselor's Suite. USS Khitomer - after the briefing))
A. Dewitt: Enter.
Michaels: Lieutenant. I know you are busy. If this is not a good time, I can come back later. Indeed, it probably would be best if I simply left you to your work and ...
A. Dewitt: Would it? I’m not going to force you to have a chat but with the mission coming up it might be an idea for us to have a chat.
Michaels: Are you certain? I can come back another time... though you are probably correct that more time will only make things worse. You probably do not remember me from the wedding, which, by the way, was absolutely beautiful, and you were a beautiful bride, and I only wish I could have understood all the words. And now I am chattering away like a nervous high school girl. So I think it may actually be best if I take some time to compose myself and come back later.
A. Dewitt: Ensign Michaels take a deep breath and come in.
Michaels: I appear to have lost my composure for a moment there. I... We should do this now.
A. Dewitt: Good call. Now can I get you something to drink? A fruit juice of some sort or maybe a tea?
Michaels: Some tea would be nice. No sugar, please. The last thing I need at the moment is sucrose.
A. Dewitt: So what was on your mind? Is it my husband who has you upset? I can speak to him if you like.
Michaels: No. No. No. Commander Dewitt is not the problem. Is not either of the problems. There is a 'guy' issue, but it has nothing to do with Commander Dewitt. :: She spent a moment staring at the tea in silence and then looked up again.:: Pretend, for the moment, that you are not the counselor and that you do not know me at all. We have never met. ::beat:: What do you see when you look at me? What do you expect me to be like?
A. Dewitt: Hmm. I see someone who is struggling against the expectations of others whilst trying to find her own identity.
Michaels: For most of my life, certainly all of it in Marathon, I have been the green-blooded, pointy-eared freak of nature. I was obviously not Human. I have always disappointed people who thought I should be like every other Vulcan that they had ever met. I mean, surprise, surprise. I was raised by loving Human parents, and I love them dearly. I have never had any of the classic Vulcan training. Vulcans tend to reject me like a substandard deviant. Humans do a great deal of frowning around me. None of which is too big a deal. I have long since learned to ignore what most people think of me. And now. ::beat:: Now. We have this Commander T'Dara on board, and she is so ... so Vulcan.
A. Dewitt: Well there’s a lot to unpack there. :beat: For the moment let’s talks about this Commander T’Dara. What is it about her that concerns you?
Michaels: I ... She... She's my worst nightmare. She is everything I should be and yet can never be. She is the embodiment of all my failures.
A. Dewitt: Should be? Who says you should be anything other than who you are?
Michaels: Nobody in particular. Everyone in general. I could not count the number of strange looks... the condescending shakes of their heads... even if I wanted to. Which I do not. "But you are a pure-blood Vulcan, are you not?" half of them always ask. And, yes, I am pure-blood Vulcan.
A Dewitt: Do you feel judgment from Commander T’Dara?
Michaels: You did not feel it? The woman positively radiated arrogance and smug superiority. It was as if she were suffering some indignity just being in the same room with us. I have no doubt she sees herself as a genius... a superior being... and few, if any of us, were up to the level of sub-creatures. And I do not have the excuse of being a Human-Vulcan hybrid. A Klingon-Vulcan hybrid. A Mountain Gorilla-Vulcan hybrid. Strike that. I have simply lived with Humans all my life.
A Dewitt: How was it being brought up by human parents?
Michaels: Now that is an interesting question. I have no point of reference to make a judgment there. I have never been raised by anything other than humans. I did not know I had living Vulcan relatives until recently. I was fourteen years old before I met anyone of any species other than humans. :: Lera paused and took a sip of her tea. :: My mother and my father were better to me than some of my friends' parents were. There was one boy in particular whose parents enjoyed their ethanol a great deal. My parents were always loving and supportive. Only rarely disciplining me more than I thought I deserved.
A Dewitt: So you felt loved and supported?
Michaels: Yes. But. They were not Vulcan. They tried. They tried their best. They encouraged me to study what it meant to be Vulcan. But still.
Words failed Lera. She sighed, though she would not have admitted it was a sigh.
A Dewitt: Lera what matters is that you feel complete and fulfilled within yourself and although it’s rare in therapy that we deal in absolutes I would strongly suggest to you that other people’s expectations of what a Vulcan should or should not be cannot be the basis on which you build yourself.
Michaels: I know. It can be hard. Especially when you see someone who is so quintessentially what you think you should be like.
Lera shrugged. She had dealt with variations of this issue most of her life. To a large extent, she had learned to deal with it. Still, there was the other factor. The one that must be coming up that could not be avoided no matter how Human she might be on the inside or how happy she was about herself. Her Vulcan body. Perhaps the counselor was not the right person to ask.
Michaels: You may not be the right person to talk to about the other issue: the guy issue. :: She clenched her fist and stared hard at her teacup. Lea briefly chewed on her lower lip while Aymet watched her. A moment passed before she looked up again. :: No boy ever showed much interest in me in school. None of them wanted to deal with the freak of nature, who also happened to be stronger and faster than they were. I was not the ideal candidate for girlfriend when there were more stereotypical candidates readily available. And now... Maybe I should speak to one of the doctors.
A. Dewitt: Response
Michaels: I have learned that Vulcans do not discuss their every seven-year ... mating ... rituals. It is something they have no control over. Something that I will have even less control over. I am certain that my Human parents know nothing of this Vulcan ... characteristic. My parents could not have prepared me for this. If this is what is happening.
A. Dewitt: Response.
Michaels: There is this... guy who I will not name... I am feeling strong emotions ... emotions I have no experience with. Vulcans always suppress their emotions or they do not have emotions or something like that. But I can not do it. Worse. I do not know if these feelings are "ordinary" Human emotions I should relish or if they are the early stages of Vulcan hormones overwhelming me. How do I know? And at a time like this, with this mission starting.
A. Dewitt: Response
TAG/TBC
Ensign Lera Michaels
Engineering Officer
USS Khitomer
K240106LM2
A. Dewitt: Enter.
Michaels: Lieutenant. I know you are busy. If this is not a good time, I can come back later. Indeed, it probably would be best if I simply left you to your work and ...
A. Dewitt: Would it? I’m not going to force you to have a chat but with the mission coming up it might be an idea for us to have a chat.
Michaels: Are you certain? I can come back another time... though you are probably correct that more time will only make things worse. You probably do not remember me from the wedding, which, by the way, was absolutely beautiful, and you were a beautiful bride, and I only wish I could have understood all the words. And now I am chattering away like a nervous high school girl. So I think it may actually be best if I take some time to compose myself and come back later.
A. Dewitt: Ensign Michaels take a deep breath and come in.
Michaels: I appear to have lost my composure for a moment there. I... We should do this now.
A. Dewitt: Good call. Now can I get you something to drink? A fruit juice of some sort or maybe a tea?
Michaels: Some tea would be nice. No sugar, please. The last thing I need at the moment is sucrose.
A. Dewitt: So what was on your mind? Is it my husband who has you upset? I can speak to him if you like.
Michaels: No. No. No. Commander Dewitt is not the problem. Is not either of the problems. There is a 'guy' issue, but it has nothing to do with Commander Dewitt. :: She spent a moment staring at the tea in silence and then looked up again.:: Pretend, for the moment, that you are not the counselor and that you do not know me at all. We have never met. ::beat:: What do you see when you look at me? What do you expect me to be like?
A. Dewitt: Hmm. I see someone who is struggling against the expectations of others whilst trying to find her own identity.
Michaels: For most of my life, certainly all of it in Marathon, I have been the green-blooded, pointy-eared freak of nature. I was obviously not Human. I have always disappointed people who thought I should be like every other Vulcan that they had ever met. I mean, surprise, surprise. I was raised by loving Human parents, and I love them dearly. I have never had any of the classic Vulcan training. Vulcans tend to reject me like a substandard deviant. Humans do a great deal of frowning around me. None of which is too big a deal. I have long since learned to ignore what most people think of me. And now. ::beat:: Now. We have this Commander T'Dara on board, and she is so ... so Vulcan.
A. Dewitt: Well there’s a lot to unpack there. :beat: For the moment let’s talks about this Commander T’Dara. What is it about her that concerns you?
Michaels: I ... She... She's my worst nightmare. She is everything I should be and yet can never be. She is the embodiment of all my failures.
A. Dewitt: Should be? Who says you should be anything other than who you are?
Michaels: Nobody in particular. Everyone in general. I could not count the number of strange looks... the condescending shakes of their heads... even if I wanted to. Which I do not. "But you are a pure-blood Vulcan, are you not?" half of them always ask. And, yes, I am pure-blood Vulcan.
A Dewitt: Do you feel judgment from Commander T’Dara?
Michaels: You did not feel it? The woman positively radiated arrogance and smug superiority. It was as if she were suffering some indignity just being in the same room with us. I have no doubt she sees herself as a genius... a superior being... and few, if any of us, were up to the level of sub-creatures. And I do not have the excuse of being a Human-Vulcan hybrid. A Klingon-Vulcan hybrid. A Mountain Gorilla-Vulcan hybrid. Strike that. I have simply lived with Humans all my life.
A Dewitt: How was it being brought up by human parents?
Michaels: Now that is an interesting question. I have no point of reference to make a judgment there. I have never been raised by anything other than humans. I did not know I had living Vulcan relatives until recently. I was fourteen years old before I met anyone of any species other than humans. :: Lera paused and took a sip of her tea. :: My mother and my father were better to me than some of my friends' parents were. There was one boy in particular whose parents enjoyed their ethanol a great deal. My parents were always loving and supportive. Only rarely disciplining me more than I thought I deserved.
A Dewitt: So you felt loved and supported?
Michaels: Yes. But. They were not Vulcan. They tried. They tried their best. They encouraged me to study what it meant to be Vulcan. But still.
Words failed Lera. She sighed, though she would not have admitted it was a sigh.
A Dewitt: Lera what matters is that you feel complete and fulfilled within yourself and although it’s rare in therapy that we deal in absolutes I would strongly suggest to you that other people’s expectations of what a Vulcan should or should not be cannot be the basis on which you build yourself.
Michaels: I know. It can be hard. Especially when you see someone who is so quintessentially what you think you should be like.
Lera shrugged. She had dealt with variations of this issue most of her life. To a large extent, she had learned to deal with it. Still, there was the other factor. The one that must be coming up that could not be avoided no matter how Human she might be on the inside or how happy she was about herself. Her Vulcan body. Perhaps the counselor was not the right person to ask.
Michaels: You may not be the right person to talk to about the other issue: the guy issue. :: She clenched her fist and stared hard at her teacup. Lea briefly chewed on her lower lip while Aymet watched her. A moment passed before she looked up again. :: No boy ever showed much interest in me in school. None of them wanted to deal with the freak of nature, who also happened to be stronger and faster than they were. I was not the ideal candidate for girlfriend when there were more stereotypical candidates readily available. And now... Maybe I should speak to one of the doctors.
A. Dewitt: Response
Michaels: I have learned that Vulcans do not discuss their every seven-year ... mating ... rituals. It is something they have no control over. Something that I will have even less control over. I am certain that my Human parents know nothing of this Vulcan ... characteristic. My parents could not have prepared me for this. If this is what is happening.
A. Dewitt: Response.
Michaels: There is this... guy who I will not name... I am feeling strong emotions ... emotions I have no experience with. Vulcans always suppress their emotions or they do not have emotions or something like that. But I can not do it. Worse. I do not know if these feelings are "ordinary" Human emotions I should relish or if they are the early stages of Vulcan hormones overwhelming me. How do I know? And at a time like this, with this mission starting.
A. Dewitt: Response
TAG/TBC
Ensign Lera Michaels
Engineering Officer
USS Khitomer
K240106LM2
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