LtCmdr Connor Dewitt - Feelings... A Lot (Part I)
Tim
(( Cargo Bay 2, USS Khitomer))
Connor had crouched beside the torpedo for a while now, observing Kael and listening to his explanations but his mind only half tethered to the task. He’d asked Kael about his upbringing mostly to keep the silence at bay. That, and he couldn’t stop the curiosity clawing at him.
Connor: And before that? Where’d you grow up?
Kael leaned back, while Sparks dug into the circuitry like it was a holiday feast. Connor’s eyes flicked between the boy - no, the man - and the warhead they were working on.
Kael: Wherever it was safest. It’s not like I went to the Academy. It’s not like there was much left to call home.
The words hit Connor like a dull blow. Not because they were dramatic. Because they were matter-of-fact. Like “home” had always been an abstract concept. Connor’s head paused for a moment.
A warm kitchen. The smell of toast. His mom scolding his dad for forgetting to put the coffee on. Their cluttered mantle with pictures crooked in frames. That had been his childhood. A litte messy and hectic. But Safe. And Loved.
Connor: ::quietly:: I’m sorry… You deserved more than that.
Taking responsibility felt wrong and right at the same time.
Kael: But I had a happy life. I had a Mom and a Dad who loved me and looked after me. I met Tori. There were good times in amongst all the destruction.
Sparks: ::sadly:: I guess I can see why y'all risked a lot to come back here and change it...
Kael’s voice was steady, and his hands worked with care. For all half of Connor’s brain could tell, he disarming another failsafe, confirming power draw levels, checking crosslink status. Many of his movements remembered the Chief Engineer of himself.
Kael: I’ll be honest; I don’t know that we can, but I do know that however this ends I want to be with Tori.
That made Connor glance up sharply. It wasn’t the sentiment that surprised him, it was how familiar it sounded. He had the same feelings. He did not know how this would end, but he wanted Ayemet next to him when it did*.* And now, it was like he was hearing himself echo in Kael’s mouth.
Sparks: Response
Connor: It sounds familiar…
Kael: You should know that Dad. We’re both hopeless romantics.
The comment made Connor pause again. He felt his ears flush. Blushing*.* At his age. He cleared his throat and muttered something noncommittal as he leaned back to check another control conduit.
Connor: ::awkwardly:: I guess… yeah. Maybe a little. ::clearing throat:: Hydro spanner please.
Sparks: Response
Kael came over and handed him the hydro spanner. The tool was warm from his hands. But it was his eyes that made Connor look away. Kael was searching. Reaching. And Connor hated how far away he still felt.
Kael: You never talked about your past :looking around the cargo bay: All this. Whenever I asked you you shut me down.
Connor’s hands clenched around the spanner. He did not answer right away. He could see his future self dodging a question when it came up. Shrugging something off. Changing the subject.
He had not wanted to talk about Ayemet. Not to his son. Not because she was not important, but because she was too important. And because what his existence suggested. After a while he finally managed to talk.
Connor: ::quietly:: Some parts of all this might be hard to talk about. I have my own Tori, Kael… ::looking directly into his eyes:: It’s not your mother.
The words echoed in Connor’s mind, leaving a sting of guilt behind. He felt like a failure. As a father, as a man. How could he tell his son that the woman who raised him was not the love of his life? Not now, maybe not ever. That he might have been born out of grief and a quiet search for comfort in the ruins of his life.
Sparks: Response
Kael: You could save her, save them all. But we didn’t come all this way just to give up. So what are we going to do?
The words came with heavy implications he was not ready to unpack. Could they save Ayemet? Could they save Nolen? And if they did… what would that mean for Kael?
He didn’t ask. Not because he had not thought of it, but because he could not bear to say it out loud. Surely, Kael had thought it through. Surely, they all had. Time travel did not come without costs and the quiet understanding behind Kael’s eyes told Connor that the kid already knew the price they might be flirting with.
Connor: ::resolute, setting the spanner down:: Then we do everything we can. Disarm these, get ahead of whatever’s coming… and figure out how to protect everyone we can. That’s the job, right?
Kael/Sparks: Response
Connor: ::softly:: You ever think about what you'll do if this does work? If the timeline changes? ::beat:: I mean... you’ll still be here… Trapped in this timeline.
Kael/Sparks: ResponseChief Engineer & Second Officer
USS Khitomer
A239901CD3