LtJg Lera Michaels - My fault

[steve...@yahoo.com]

((Pershan's Office, Counseling Suite, Deck 6, USS Khitomer))

Lera had never met Doctor Pershan before which forced her to quickly revise her thought about small towns and Khitomer. He was sitting behind his desk when Lera entered his office. Judging from the state of his desk, he had just finished consulting some records. Presumably hers. As before, Lera found herself nervous in a most un-Vulcan like way, in the presence of a counselor.

Michaels: Doctor Pershan. ::slight bow:: Thank you for seeing me. I do not wish to take too much of your time.

Pershan: Great! I promise I won't let you.

Michaels: I do not know how much you know about me. I am not a typical Vulcan. I was raised from infancy by a human couple.

Lera sat in the visitor chair on the opposite side of the desk from Pershan and folded her hands in her lap.

Pershan: Usually I like to start with the more recent problems and work my way back to childhood trauma, but it's your hour. Is that what you wanted to talk about?

Michaels: There was an ... unpleasant incident during our previous shore leave. It... to use a human term... haunts me in ways ... I would prefer it to simply be forgotten. I suspect that is not going to happen.

Pershan: ::sympathetic frown:: That sort of comes with the territory on hauntings, kiddo.

Lieutenant Pershan leaned forward and his elbows on the desk and steepled his fingers.

oO Vulcans never lie. Vulcans never lie. And my mother always told me that you never lie to your mother, your priest or your doctor. Oo

Lera took a deep breath. There was nothing to it but to let the words pour out.

Michaels: Haunts. Bothers. Nags at me. Whatever. :: beat :: I know that I am not anyone's idea of a beautiful woman. No teenage human male is ever going to dream of... Never mind. No boy ever pursued me back in Marathon. Unless you count Junior Rodriguez. I was the ice-maiden, the cold blooded alien, the Vulcan, the freak... in a small town with a sufficient number of warm-blooded human girls. I did have a few close friends. Human girls. We called ourselves "the Els." :: slight smile that faded quickly :: I never had much interest in the boys and they had no interest in me. At the academy, Vulcans tended to treat me as an oddity. And I did not develop any close relationships there either.

Pershan: Is it impacting your work? Relationships?

Michaels: Not really. I do my work. They do theirs. Relationships? Most of them appear to be satisfactory. :: Lera smiled at the thought of Ezra :: There is one special relationship. If you do not know who I am referring to, you may be the only individual on Khitomer. He is unlike any boy I knew in Marathon. Certainly unlike Junior Rodriguez. ::beat:: Junior learned the hard way that no human teenage boy is ever going to force a Vulcan girl to ... Let it suffice that, after I broke his arm, he never touched me again. Hopefully, he never any girl of any species that way again. ::beat:: I probably should not have done that. There must have been other ways to dissuade him.

Lera paused. It had been the first time she had put Ezra and Junior in the same thought. Junior had tried to force himself on her while Ezra, at times, seemed so shy and hesitant. There was Ezra's dream of becoming joined but that was an unrelated issue.

Pershan folded his hands together like a two handed fist and put his chin against them. His eyes never left her. The torrent of words continued and her emotions were starting to wave up and down. The moment had come.

Michsels: And then there was that... Nausicaan. I do not know what he found so attractive about me. At times, it seemed that wherever Ezra and I were, the Nausicaan was there, leering at me. Like I was a piece of meat. And then... ::Lera looks up at the ceiling :: there was a time when Ezra was not with me... I am sorry. This is difficult for me.

Pershan: Response?

Michaels: The Nausicaan and a couple of his friends ... were making... rude remarks about me. :: nearly silent sob :: It was my fault. I provoked him. I told him I had no interest in him or his friends... I insulted him. What happened next... I brought it on myself. I deserved it. I should have just ignored him. I should have simply walked away. But I did not. I... I do not know what he would have done if someone had not stopped him. All I really know was that I spent a number of days in sickbay with a wide variety of injuries. And I know, somehow, it was my own fault.

Pershan: And how are you regulating your emotions? Meditation?

Lera's head snapped up and she frowned at Pershan. What was this? A trick question?

oO Control yourself, Lera. He has no experience dealing with someone like you. No one does. Oo

Michaels: Doctor. I hate to be the one to break it to you but Vulcans are not born with their emotions under tight control. I was born Vulcan but I have had essentially no training whatever on how to be a Vulcan. I try to be Vulcan but when push comes to shove, I react like a Human. :: Lear closed her eyes for a moment and bit her upper lip. :: I should meditate. That is a good idea. ::glancing up at Parshan:: How do you regulate your emotions... when you get angry? Count to ten?

Pershan: Response

Michaels: If I was like Junior Rodriguez's father I would be yelling something like "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!" ::beat:: But I am not like him. It was my fault. I brought it on myself. Now... now I find it hard to be around most humanoid males I do not know well. No offense intended, Doctor.

Pershan: Response

Michaels: I do not know what I should do. Yelling at myself seems to be a suboptimal approach. I guess I took take a leave of absence, go to Vulcan and learn to be more like them. I love my work here so that should not be an option:: shaking her head :: What should I be doing?

Pershan: Response

Tags/TBC

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LtJg Lera Michaels

Engineering Officer
USS Khitomer
K240106LM2