JP: LCDR Nolen Hobart & Lieutenant Talia Ohnari — Bringer of War, Harbinger of Heartbreak (Or: Stupid Boys, and the Girls Who Love Them), Part I
Roxanna Dorion
((Outside First Officer’s Ready Room, Deck 1, USS Khitomer))
Clutched protectively in her hands, the gift wrap crinkled in protest. It should have been presented, and opened long before now. There was just one tiny little problem: Talia couldn’t find Nolen.
On the return to SB33, a blanket of sorrow seemed to encase the entire crew. The Arrow was gone. And not in the manner that was expected. The Arrow, and the former Captain Carpenter, had rejoined the Gods as heroes. Still, the return ship was marred with necessary repairs, and in her case, a full load of patients.
Now? Now it was shore leave. Her plan was to officially congratulate Nolen, and she had found the perfect present to do so. Except he was ruining it, because he wasn’t in his quarters on either the base or the Khitomer. She supposed with his new posting, he would be busy. But at this point, it was getting ridiculous. There was one more place she thought to try, approaching the door, she waited for the chime to alert for her presence, as well as present.
Nolen hadn't seen his quarters in days. Some fool planner had put them on the complete other side of the ship, stuffed in the stern, below decks. They were nicely apportioned, of course, and it really wasn't a very big ship after all, but still! All the way over there!
And someone clearly had realized the error, but obviously only after it was too late to change. Once things fit, it's hard to see them any other way. And so, they put a cot in his office. A bunk, really. A consolation, as if to say, “Sorry we put your apartment on the ass-end of the ship. Here, have a hammock.”
Not that he'd slept much in the small bunk, either. He was frazzled, visibly. He spent as much of his day being as busy as possible, because, the theory was, the more he was doing the less he was thinking about what lay ahead of them. But, like an overly polite man searching for a chance to ask a busy restaurateur for the restroom, the future hemmed and hawed at him, occasionally clearing its throat to remind him that it wasn't going away, and that he'd have to deal with it eventually.
And, ta-da, once they reached Deep Space 33, he started to run out of busywork. “Eventually” came with an Arboretum. So he got out a PADD and he started writing. Okay, fair, he almost started writing. For damn near two hours he'd almost written and if he sat there for ten days straight he'd likely almost get to starting.
And then the door chimed.
Instantly, she sensed an incredible amount of turmoil, rolling off the disheveled man behind the desk.
Ohnari: Nolen…? What are you doing? It’s Shore leave, even Command gets a break.
He didn't turn to look, because he knew if he saw her face, saw the smile, he'd up and run away right then and there. Some goofy adventure, a kiss or twelve, and he'd forget. He heard a voice speak. It sounded a lot like his.
Hobart: You ever write a letter of resignation?
For a moment, she just froze. No way did she hear that correctly.
Ohnari: Wh-what did you just say….?
He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and his index fingers, and shut his eyes so tight his cheeks complained. He took a breath of the cool, recirculated air
Hobart: I was reckless with the lives of the crew and the safety of the Federation. I blew up the Arrow, when we were supposed to bring it back. I released the prisoners. So many terrible decisions, and of course now… now I'm wallowing instead of just going out there and making better ones, so clearly I'm not fit.
Talia crossed her arms, the gift awkwardly shoved in one hand. Her eyebrow rose and her eyes themselves narrowed sharply.
Ohnari: What in Gods names are you on about? You took a calculated risk. And considering we’re not all space dust from the aftermath of that dreadnought launching, it was a successful one at that….
What was he talking about? The decisions were fine. Reasonable even. A bit on the riskier side, but there were Starfleet officers with far more storied careers than his who'd made worse. And yet. Something gnawed at him. It wasn't his decision. It wasn't his choice. Not entirely. He suddenly felt the weight of history in a way that he never before conceived.
Hobart: We started a war, Talia! ::beat:: I started a war, with my stupid plan. We hit the Lattice Alliance hard, and they're going to hit back. Maybe they're already on their way. And people are going to die. Whole families. Kids! Going to be dead because we didn't just bring Arrow back. It was an option, you know?
Approaching his desk, she set the gift on the corner of his desk. It wasn’t the time. Her expression softened, the burden of his decision weighed heavily.
Ohnari: What we did prevented a slaughter. War was looming, and I highly doubt they were launching that ship for a sightseeing tour. It was a warship. Had we not acted, they could have come directly here, caught the base completely off guard, or if they received our transmission in time, stuck waiting for assistance getting here, who knows when? Possibly too late. One could argue the launching of the war ship was an act of war.
He was aware of her in the room, but his eyes were doing their own thing. Fixed on a spot on his desk, he wasn't really using them. His shoulders slumped.
Hobart: They'd have come anyway, yeah. But it wouldn't be our fault.
Reaching across the desk, she tried to take his hand. But it seemed he was doing his best to only barely acknowledge her presence.
Ohnari: And imagine the lives lost if we hadn’t acted. That would be on our hands instead. ::slowly retracting her hand, ignoring the sting:: Your decision was calculated based on the updated information provided by Carpenter. Had we tucked our heads between our knees and returned with the Arrow, we would be complicit in our inaction.
He gritted his teeth. The funny thing about destiny is that it cheats. Whatever you ended up doing (or not doing), that was your destiny. There was never any point in trying to evade it. Nolen didn’t want to be the guy that started the war. Nor did he want to be the guy that stood by while a Sheliak warship single-handedly conquered dozens of star systems. Nor did he want to be the guy who betrayed the Starfleet uniform. And it sure didn’t feel like he could avoid all three.
Hobart: That’s the thing! Same decision? I’d make the same choice. Maybe I’ll do it again! And again, and again, and again. “Nolen Hobart, bringer of war!”
Ohnari: You’re exhausted, How long have you been in this room? ::glancing towards the cot:: Actually don’t answer that. Come with me, get a shower, and we’ll get off this ship and get you something to eat and maybe walk around the Arboretum and get you some of the freshest air we have available.
He looked up at her, in a daze. He saw her there, and heard her words. It sounded delightful. A shower, food, and time with Talia. It sounded too good. There had to be a catch, because there always was. He stood from his chair and paced away from her, rubbing his hands up his stubbled face and his fingers into his badly-tousled hair.
Hobart: And that’s the other thing! Us! How many questionable decisions am I allowed to make as a Starfleet officer? I’m your XO, your immediate superior! You’re my doctor! I feel like I’m going out of my way to break as many rules as possible!
He turned back to look at her, his eyes stinging but strong. His mind brought him back to his quarters with Cadet Perim. She’d wanted more from him, and he wasn’t capable of it. The fact that he was an officer and she a cadet was a convenience that he’d leaped on. But this didn’t feel like a convenience to him. He wasn’t the Captain, so Galaxy-upending decisions weren’t his to make, but he was the First Officer, and that was his galaxy to tend to, so the Captain didn’t have to. He’d resisted the Red in the Academy, for the same reason he’d accepted it on Arrow. Great weights and obligations came with it, and it felt like surrendering any hope of a normal life.
NT/TBC
———
Lieutenant Talia Ohnari, MD
Chief Medical Officer
USS Khitomer
C239205ME0
And
Lt. Commander Nolen Hobart
Executive Officer
USS Khitomer (NCC-62400)
A240001NH3