Lt A. Dewitt & Lt Comdr C.Dewitt- Mosuma Lake PT II
Emma Banin
((Present Day, Mosuma Lake, Dangan Prime))
Connor cut a piece from the apple pie and loaded it onto his plate. As he picked up the plate, his eyes wandered to the beautiful lake in front of them. Without having a chance to control it, the deed from Ayemet’s mother came to his mind. For a brief moment, a cozy house on the shore of their lake manifested in his mind.
C. Dewitt: All this doesn’t really help with our plans for Bajor, doesn’t it?
Ayemet: : quietly a sad smile on her face: I guess not :pause: Commander:.
He took a bite from the pie that he had baked with his mother’s recipe. The sweet cinnamon taste made him immediately feel like home and cared for. A home that was probably gone forever.
C. Dewitt: If I’m being honest, I don’t even know if I’m up to that. Serving as first officer during the Siege… I’m not sure if I can be responsible for so many lives. In the engine room, I know every nook and cranny. I know an answer to every problem. It’s simple there.
Ayemet threw her head back and rolled her eyes dramatically before looking at Connor , a slice of the pie with some whipped cream that sat atop it in her hand.
Ayemet: Connor since when has any of this been simple!? Of course you can. The question isn’t whether you are able or not, it’s whether you want to or not. You can’t accept or refuse a job on the basis of whether I’ll be sad or not.
C. Dewitt: It won’t go away just like that. I might even be more caught up in work…
She looked at the slice of pie ready to launch it into Connor’s face, but perhaps food based mischievousness would not be helpful at this precise moment. She was trying to quell her sadness, her fear. She had spent too much time adding to his problems, even if he hadn’t exactly let her into his life; perhaps there had been a reason for that.
Ayemet: I don’t think there’s a ‘might’ about it.
((Flashback, Ayemet Dewitt’s Cabin, The Indulgence of Chocolate-Coated Jama’haron))
She heard the laugh and for a second her heart leapt, to not just hear but feel his joy . Then all too soon reality came crashing back. She stood up stumbling into the guest room, her back turned to him. The door stayed open as if it had had quite enough of her emotional hyperbolics and wanted her to sort herself out, inviting Connor into the room to do so.
She sat down on the couch and sighed. She heard his footsteps as he tentatively followed her to the couch. She didn’t resist. Didn’t fight:
Connor: So, can we talk now?
Ayemet: What is there to say? You left me? Now you’re back.
Connor: Yeah… That’s how a four year old might describe the situation. ::pause, trying to regain patience:: But we both know there’s more to that. My dad died, Ayemet.
She looked round at him suddenly, surprised at the tone of his voice. She was so sure of her pain, so surrounded by nothing but a gnawing doubt at herself at her hurt that she hadn’t really considered his. She knew it, she accepted it, but all she could see, all she could feel was how it affected her.
Connor: It wasn’t easy…
Ayemet: I never said it was. But you just :pause as she tried to think of another word: left.
Connor: ::taking a deep breath:: I left my mum alone in her pain, because I’m… ::beat:: I’m not able to process mine.
Admitting it made it feel real. It was hard to do so, but it was necessary. Connor felt a lump in his throat.
Ayemet felt the pain in his words, felt it more deeply in him than she had ever felt it before. For a moment she just looked at him, unable to formulate words, unable to express regret and sympathy .
Ayemet: I would have been with you, helped you, even if it was just to hold your hand, but you left. Just like my Father, just like Nisha, just like Gorva. .
Her words hit him hard. They were unfair. He knew he left in a hurry. But he had a very good reason and his return was never in question. There was not a doubt in his heart that they belonged together and he would do anything to ensure that.
Connor: I needed to leave immediately, there was no time. I tried to contact you… more than once. ::beat:: I’m sorry that I did. But at the time it felt like the best option to be with my mum as soon as possible.
Ayemet: There’s always been a part of you that you’ve kept from me. You’ve never given yourself fully, and I’m just tired of it.
She grabbed the flask from her leg intending to take a swig and looked at her, her mind going back to their wedding day. She was saved, healed, reunited with her mother, but the thing that brought her the most joy was when she saw her husband waiting for her. Life had stretched out before her, an endless possibility of discovery and happiness. Before it all went wrong. Before he left and they discovered his child from a future that would not now happen. The swell of tears began and she took a long hard swig from the flask.
Connor saw the pain he caused Ayemet in its entirety and for the first time since they got married wondered if it had been the right choice. He stayed quiet, overwhelmed by the force of his own feelings.
Ayemet: I don’t begin to imagine the pain you’re going through, but I’m your wife. Why don’t you want me to …
Her voice trailed off covered in frustrated sobs, for her pain, for the pain Connor was going through, for what their life should have been.
Connor sat down next to her and wrapped his arms around her. He took a deep breath as if it was helping to get rid of his own pain.
Connor: I’m here, Ayemet. I won’t ever leave you without coming back. The ring on my finger and the ring of yours is what should remind you of that. We’re a team. I did not leave because I did not want you to be part of my grief. I left because it needed to happen quickly and because you had obligations aboard the Khitomer.
She let him embrace her, his arms wrapped around her tightly. They sat there for a while with the gentle hum of the cabin, their only companion, their breaths and heartbeats slowly but assuredly began to sync.
Ayemet: I am proud of you, not just for what you’ve achieved as an officer but for who you are. It’s an awful thing that happened but you can’t go through this alone Connor. I am here for you just to try and remember that. Please you can’t go through this alone.
Connor: I don’t want to…
((Present Day, Mosuma Lake, Dangan Prime))
She breathed in the sweet air and looked at her husband. The worry and concern etched on his face.
Ayemet: It’s okay.
Connor: I tried to figure out how to be a good Chief Engineer and husband and ::beat:: it’s not my strong suit. I’m afraid to do a bad job and being a First Officer and a husband.
Taking a sip of the beer she now held she looked out across the landscape. It was peaceful, silent but for the sounds that nature provided, but it was also temporary. At some point they would board the cruise ship again and she knew that Connor would already be thinking of his crew, his responsibility.
Ayemet: I used to think that it was a case that you didn’t love me, or at least didn’t love me in the way I expected or wanted to be loved.
Her words hurt Connor. He knew what she meant, still he did not like it a bit.
Connor: That’s not the case, Ayemet. I’ll alw…
Connor got quiet as she put a hand to his cheek looking into his eyes and smiling a sad realisation.
Ayemet: Hey I just said it’s okay. Whatever problems with me and my career I’ve come to realise that that’s not the same for you. It’s not that you won’t love a certain way. Trying to change your duty to this crew, to your post :beat: commander, is like trying to remove part of your soul. It’s part of who you are.
Connor: I’m afraid it’s part of who you married…
Ayemet: Look I don’t know what my future holds, or how we are going to face the challenges that your promotion will make us face.
She stopped, looking up at the sky imagining that they were back on Bajor, that they were in the cabin they would have built, children playing at their feet. She couldn’t let him see how this tore at her. He didn’t deserve that. Not after what he’d been through. He needed certainty.
Ayemet: But I have loved you. I do love you, and I will love you.
Connor smiled and gave her a kiss. As he sat down again, he looked over the lake.
C. Dewitt: We’ll figure it out, won’t we? And in 10 years, when this is all going to be too much, we’ll build that cabin on Bajor. I promise.
She nodded kissing him lightly before taking a sip of the beer again. He seemed happier, more secure and that was her aim. She loved him, and especially now he needed to not just know that, but be certain of it. The future wasn’t written, and it was up to them to write it. She just wondered if they wanted to tell the same story.
END
Lieutenant Ayemet Dewitt
Ship Counselor
USS Khitomer
A239810JA2Q
AND
LtCmdr Connor Dewitt
Chief Engineer & Second Officer
USS Khitomer
A239901CD3