Lieutenant Ras El'Heem - Becoming too much
Ras El'Heem
((First Officer’s Ready Room, Deck 1, USS Khitomer, En Route to Alpha Trionus II))
Ras moved from the mess hall to his quarters and now to Commander Hobart’s ready room with measured steps, though the rhythm felt off. The briefing’s chaos had unsettled him more than he could admit. And the conversation with Ginny lingered in the way he was now thinking. Choices, Consequences, lines of action he could trace but couldn’t reconcile. It was all too big, and it wasn’t the first time in recent history where the sequence of events of a single day made the constraints of a 24-hour period buckle. His mind kept circling the same uncomfortable truths of the heated conversation around the conference table. There were three refugees from the future, with direct ties to people on this ship, and that the only solution they brought before them was unspeakable enough to have pushed many of them over the edge. Himself included. And he had been the last to speak before Hobart let his emotional truss in the wheel snap and had shut it all down. The weight of that, pressed against him now, too.
The fact that almost half of the crew was almost certainly and objectively compromised wasn’t even a subject he felt like touching yet. The crew still needed them.
Ras stopped just outside Hobart’s office and felt that familiar tightness in his chest. The sting of being reprimanded for insubordination last time they were in the Nebula was still sharp and the thought of walking back into that same judgment made him hesitate in front of the door. He didn’t have much time to collect himself as his counterpart arrived beside him. He looked at her with exhausted eyes and flattened his mouth in that feign smile people tended to do as she nodded at him. Ras lifted his right hand to the chime, finger out and clocked the irony of his prosthetic being the one to ask for permission to enter. He squeezed that hand shut, causing the joints to crack and pressed it with his left, instead.
Hobart: Enter.
As the door opened, he blinked the abstraction away and entered alongside Amelia with a deep breath. The commander gestured to the lone chair that sat in front of his desk and he looked to Amelia who was already looking up at him.
Semara: I'm happy standin', thanks. :: To El'Heem :: You want it?
Ras shook his head and crossed his hands behind his back.
El’Heem: I’ll stand too.
Hobart: We have a few more hours before we reach Alpha Trionus. I don’t
know what we’ll find there. Maybe we’ll find out that our visitors are full of
it. But if everything checks out, the Captain’s going to have some decisions to
make.
It felt surreal to be approaching this singularity without having fully worked out a plan to avoid all of the problems that were laid out like mousetraps in every direction. But that was probably why they were here. They needed a concerted effort to tackled everything and not one person could do that on their own. Not in a few hours.
Semara: Maybe they ain't told us everything, but they ain't lying, Commander.
And he should know, even if he was only half-Betazoid. Perhaps it was still possible they were from some sort of alternate timeline, or their mere presence here changed things to where the POW camp raid would never happen, or some other bizarre oddity of maybe-time-travel would make their story fall apart, but they were true believers.
El’Heem: ::calmy but unaccusatory, almost pitying:: fanaticism and
desperation are never far apart.
He had more to say on the matter but Hobart’s expression and raised hand told him, now wasn’t the time.
Hobart: We’ve been told there’s a threat to the Federation, and we’re
duty-bound to investigate. ::arched eyebrow:: Now, Captain’s said we’re not
killing anyone. That’s the plan. But so far, we’ve only got one option on the
table and if we go into this that way, we may be forced to take it. That’s why,
Ras, I want you in the Science lab. Start gaming it out. What are our other
options? I trust you to see the big picture, to think about repercussions. Run
whatever probabilistic models you need to. I think Ensign Matthews should be
able to help. And use Tori. She’s the genius on that team, and she seems
committed to the cause, if not necessarily the plan. If we can convince her
that we’re committed to the ends, not the means, we might be able to gain a lot
out of her as a resource.
They could get as theoretical and nebulous as they wanted about it all, but something still needed to be done in reality. He understood that protest as he might.
Semara: We should chat 'bout Tori...
El’Heem: ::looking down at her from the corner of his eyes:: For a few
reasons. ::looking back to Hobart:: Understood commander.
Hobart: Amelia, take a team to the shuttlebay. I don’t know if they’re
telling us everything. I didn’t get the sense that they’re not actively hiding
anything from us, but you never know. Look for sensor data, communication logs.
Wherever or whenever that runabout’s been, I want to know everything it saw and
did. Ensign Michaels should be able to help you on the engineering side, and
Lieutenant Zerva will keep people out of your business. Tear it apart if you
have to—just… make sure you know how to put it back together.
Semara: Yessir.
Hobart: If you have questions, ask them now.
Semara: :: To El'Heem :: May I have a minute with the Commander alone? I'll be quick if you wanna wait for me.
El’Heem: Too many questions to be appropriate. I’ll report back with as
many options as we can muster.
He nodded to Amelia and turned to leave. The subtext of her comment about Tori – her daughter – gave him a sense of its urgency. The doors closed behind him and he turned slowly, pulling out his PADD to refer to his notes, and leaning on the bulkhead opposite the first officer’s office. He tapped his commbadge.
El’Heem: =/\= El’Heem to Zerva. =/\=
Zerva: =/\= Response =/\=
El’Heem: =/\= Can you have someone escort one of
our…guests, Tori to the Life Science’s Lab at your earliest convience? =/\=
Zerva: =/\= Response =/\=
Some of the security officers’ comments during the briefing stuck in his head. Morals and philosophy aside, the man seemed to have a personal objection to the matter at hand.
El’Heem: =/\= Thank you. ::pausing:: And Ezra? =/\=
Zerva: =/\= Response =/\=
El’Heem: =/\= We should talk about…all this. When you get a chance is all. =/\=
Zerva: =/\= Response =/\=
El’Heem: =/\= El’Heem out. =/\=
Ras tapped at his PADD sluggishly. He sighed and then pushed his fingers into his eyes to try and relieve the pressure that was building. His head hurt and the tiredness that threatened to end today’s activities required coffee, and a strong one at that. With his eyes still seeing static, he pushed off the wall and stood only to see Connor’s arrival and the opening of the doors revealing Amelia at the same time. His eyes danced between the two wordlessly. Stress was weighing on everyone in different ways and there seemed to be an unspoken understanding between the three. Amelia slipped out of the door for Connor to take her place and it closed behind him. Unceremoniously and without confirmation that the Betazoid was following, the Lieutenant made for the turbolift.
((Turbolift, A system of tubes, USS Khitomer))
For some reason, the two stood dead silent, side by side, in that little box. The whir the only indication that they were really moving anywhere and the door didn’t just close and open to reveal a new location. It didn’t take long for Amelia to break the silence.
Semara: Heavens, Ras. I ain't got a clue where to begin...
The pink between his ears had become cotton. Stuffy and floaty and he felt bad for it, but he didn’t have any energy to dance around the subject.
El'Heem: Start where it’s the hardest.
He didn’t look at her directly but through the reflection in the turbolift door.
Semara: 'Course I'm emotionally compromised. How can I not be? :: Beat :: But I won't watch us become murderers. I can confidently say never. :: A wince looking up at Ras :: Tori said she and I fought about it 'fore I died. I get the sense I didn't give an inch.
Well, he certainly asked for it, and she delivered. He mulled it over as he continued to stare at her through the reflection, without her even realizing it.
El'Heem: You had another meeting with her that none of us were privy to? ::exasperated but low:: M’rathyr. Amelia-
Ras stopped himself from saying more. She already knew it was wrong, that much he could sense without telepathy. He didn’t want to push it and he settled on letting her off easy as he watched her head drop along with her expression.
Semara: I didn't want to disrupt the conference. It was bad 'nough as it was... But I felt like I had to go to her, at least telepathically. I still ain't sure if it was a good idea. :: Beat, shaking her head. :: So much hurt, Ras... I want to believe we can change for her sake, but...
He finally turned to meet her eyes. They were almost glistening.
Semara: You really think we can't change things?
That question, asked the way she did, and with that face. It almost broke him. He chewed his lip subtly as he broke their eye contact.
El'Heem: I…I don’t know. I don’t want to believe that. Not being able to change things leads us to oblivion…but…the science isn’t there. Maybe the Admiral was right, maybe the Hobart Hole can do things only a Q can, I don’t know. But my expectations are lower than you can imagine.
Her gaze still burned into the side of his head, and he couldn’t bring himself to return it. She needed hope and regretted his answer immediately. He wanted to put the words back in his brain and try again, but he couldn’t.
Semara: Response
El’Heem: I’ll do my best. Maybe Tori has the answers we need to fix this. Because if she doesn’t Amelia ::finally turning back to her:: nothing we say or do from now until that lattice raid matters.
Semara: Response
El’Heem: I can’t fathom a world where we don’t do everything in our power to stop this.
Semara: Response
The doors to the turbolift opened on deck nine, but neither of them moved. The pause stretched and somehow felt fragile. The moment was suspended between their emotional and physical exhaustion and the weight of what needed to be done. Amelia’s eyes searched his, the kind of look that said more than words could manage, a look that asked if there was still something left to believe in. The lift doors began to close again, sealing them in, and Ras exhaled, opening his arms. She stepped forward and folded into him with a silent collapse of tension. For a moment, the ship’s motion seemed to stop. When she pulled back, he almost reached to stop her. He knew she needed more, but it wasn’t the time. A nod from both and Ras reopened the doors, stepping out onto deck nine.
El’Heem: For what it’s worth, I think you’re going to be a wonderful mom.
Semara: Response
TAGS/END
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Lieutenant Ras El’Heem
Science Officer
USS Khitomer (NCC-62400)
K240106RE3