Lt. JG Alix Harford - Will you Teach me How to Friend?
Meri
((Beta Module, DS33))
As it turned out, Alix wasn’t particularly good at the whole friend thing. Maybe she hadn’t noticed because she’d only ever spent that kind of time with Madison and they’d known each other since they were teenagers. Or maybe it was because Madison had always been more than willing to carry the conversation and push Alix out of her comfort zone. Now, sitting at lunch with Amelia, enjoyable though it was, Alix couldn’t help but reflect on her difficulties opening up to people. Sure, she could use her training to psycho-analyze herself and perhaps unearth the root of the problem, but she’d much rather just internally sulk about it later. For now, she tried her best to focus on enjoying time with the woman in front of her and maybe, just maybe, she could even convince herself to open up… a little.
Alix couldn’t help but laugh. The one thing that seemed to really get her friend’s goat was secrets. She supposed it made sense taking Betazoid culture into consideration. Still, it was fun to torture Amelia just a little bit.
Harford: No, I’m really not going to tell you. However- I will spill the tea on Madison, if you haven’t heard.
Alix had never seen a woman put down her fork so quickly and engage her full, attentive listening skills. It was a touch overwhelming but at least in this instance it wasn’t actually directed at her, but at information on their mutual friend who was very very far away.
Semara: Yes! Finally! Somethin'! Spill!! We only get prehistoric news out here in the Isles...
Harford: Well, I’m sure that you know she has a girlfriend, Haukea, who is delightful. But they’ve also gotten a house on the beach and are raising Haukea’s adopted daughter. It’s the cutest little family and has changed Madison so much. She is much more… I don’t know, mellow.
Semara: :: Lighting up :: Ohmygosh Maddie! Yes! I'm so happy for her!! I'm gonna have to give her a call and demand all the details. I can't believe she didn't tell me!
Harford: I think she only tells me to try and pressure me to find a man and settle down.
Alix laughed awkwardly and then paused, watching as Amelia deflated. Had she said something wrong? Stepped on a hidden nerve? She was about to ask when the blonde opened up very subdued and sincere.
Semara: I'm sorry if I'm pressin' you too much. :: A conciliatory smile. :: I guess I'm still findin' out why most folks join Starfleet younger. Prolly easier to adjust to all the cultural norms.
Harford: Oh.. I… hmmm. I’m sorry Amelia, I don’t know. I’m just not good at this friend stuff. I never really know what people expect of me.
Now she felt bad. Being closed off had hurt probably the sweetest and most charming person she knew. True, Amelia was a Betazoid and Alix was still not entirely comfortable around them, but she was working through that old trauma. Sevantha had helped a lot, they’d been making good progress before she was sent to another ship. Then things had been put on hold as the Astraeus went through its own turmoil and Alix found herself practically running Sickbay as an Ensign. She sighed and blinked back her own feelings to try and really focus on what Amelia had to say.
Semara: It's... my way a' carin', I guess. I know we weren't the closest back at the Academy, and this... :: Beat, emphasizing :: I might be a lot, but I always thought you were a real good sort. I'd just hate to think a' anythin' bad happenin' to you out there.
Harford: Amelia, I promise it isn’t you. You’re lovely.
oO It’s not you, it's me. Really? When are you going to grow up and stop using that excuse, Alix? Look at the string of broken friendships. Mac, Arthur, Drex, Kris, Charles, Divya and now Amelia… What is the common denominator? Oo
Alix sighed, frustrated with herself, and the sound came out as an almost groan which Amelia must have misunderstood as being directed at her as she continued trying to let Alix off the hook.
Semara: Please. Just tell me to stop if you need. You won’t hurt my feelin’s. Promise. :: Beat, then a chuckle :: I’ve been told off far more firmly than that, and been fine. :: Softening again :: I don't wanna be the reason you're hidin' in labs.
Harford: Amelia- I- ::long pause followed by a nod:: Yeah, I think I need to share something with you.
Semara: Response
Uncomfortable, Alix looked around the crowded room. Satisfied that there were likely no eavesdroppers, she returned her focus to the woman across the table and folded her hands carefully in front of her, fingers interlaced with her right thumb slowly rubbing up and down her left index finger.
Harford: The reason I was never very relaxed around you at the Academy has nothing to do with who you are, or feeling uncomfortable with you as an individual. You’re sweet, a bit enthusiastic maybe, but truly a genuine and kind person. I have- issues- around Betazoids. Trauma from my childhood. I don’t like feeling vulnerable to telepaths. It’s why I’ve gotten so good at shielding, which is no easy feat for a mere human.
Semara: Response
Harford: No, no… I’m not saying that. I just want to be open with you. I have done a good bit of work over the past year becoming more comfortable with telepathy and empathy. I even did my counseling dissertation with Sevantha Saa on the ethics of telepathic treatment methods in therapeutic and clinical settings.
Semara: Response
Alix rubbed the back of her neck. It was hard opening up, but Amelia seemed to take the news gracefully at least. Now, could she muster the courage to take it one step further?
Harford: Before she left the Astraeus, Sevantha was helping me exercise my tolerance for telepathic communication. You- uh- you wouldn’t want to help me continue that would you? I mean, if you’re comfortable. I don’t want to put you in a position or make you feel that we aren’t friends. I do want to learn how to be a true friend. If…
Alix’s voice trailed off. Her speech had become sped up and rambling with the anxiety that caused her heart to pound and her palms to sweat. Trying to calm herself, she couldn't quite bring words to form, instead she looked at Amelia in a way that pleaded the Betazoid to understand and to not take everything she’d just shared personally. At the same time, she let go of her remaining mental shield, allowing her emotion to flow from her gently like a lake lapping at the shore.
Semara: Response
Tag / TBC...
