Lt. JG Alix Harford - A New North Star
Meri
((Harford Farm, West Texas, Earth))
((A few weeks before Alix arrives on the Khitomer))
Home. It just didn’t mean the same thing anymore.
As she walked through the greenhouse that protected her father’s heirloom tomatoes and her mother’s- no her step mother’s- herbs, Alix just couldn’t shake the feeling that this was no longer where she belonged. Funny how quickly things can change. The number of times she’d pined for the musky smell of upturned dirt and the cloying tension of a coming rain was innumerable. Four years at the Academy and another serving in the fleet had left her longing for home deep within the very cells that made up her being. Perhaps it was only the sting of being cast out or maybe she’d slowly accepted her new position in the universe; whatever it was, this farm was no longer her home and that was only solidified with what she’d learned about the woman she had always called mother.
Digging into her pocket, Alix pulled out a white envelope, now creased from folds and being carried about like a lifeline. Printed across the front was her name carefully hand lettered and then covered by a hasty stamp and seal of Starfleet Operations and Personnel Division. The words inside had moved from pulling at her heartstrings the first time she’d read them, to filling her with conviction as she read them for the the dozenth time or so.
To:
Doctor Sevantha Saa, Medical Department, USS Octavia E. Butler
Doctor Alix Harford, c/o Mail Forwarding Officer, Starfleet Headquarters, Earth
My dearest friends,
I am writing to you from the comfort of my new quarters at the Starfleet Residential Mental Wellbeing Retreat in Switzerland. Even though it is currently raining, the view is quite spectacular, and the quiet of the surrounding mountains here in the Alps is very calming. For a simple Trill from London, I suppose it’s stereotypically amusing for me to enjoy the sight of rain.
I am under no illusion that my departure from the Astraeus, and the Par’tha Expanse, might come as a shock to the pair of you, given that I served my entire career up to this point on ships that were assigned to that region of space, but I hope that in reading this letter you will realise that the two of you actually helped me to make one of the most profound decisions in my life; to finally accept help.
It was because of your guidance during our times together on the Astraeus that I finally saw what was clearly necessary, and submitted an emergency application for a significant amount of counselling and therapy. While it has only been three days since I’ve arrived, I already feel like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I know that there will be ups and downs, and that things won’t always seem quite this bright - pun very much intended, given the current lack of sunshine - but ultimately, things can only go up from here, right?
I will forever be grateful for the care and attention that you both treated me with as I went through some extremely traumatic experiences, and for the tough love when I needed it most. Sevantha, your prescription of sleeping pills and exercise helped me in so many ways beyond just getting a good night’s rest. Alix, while almost drowning in Fiji was not what I thought I would need at the time, you saw what others could not, and forced me to battle through my doubts. Between the two of you, you saved my life in countless ways beyond the obvious, and that isn’t something I think I’ll ever be able to repay.
I know we’ve all gone our separate ways, but I’ve attached my mailing address to the end of this letter, if you want to write back. I’d be overjoyed to hear from you.
Forever in your debt, and all my love,
Esa Kiax
Alix folded the letter carefully and returned it to the back pocket of her faded jeans. She eyed her father's tomato plants, plucking one from the vine, and left the covering of the greenhouse to slip in through the clattering screen door off her parents kitchen. A new sense of resolve set her chin high and her shoulders square. She felt steady, having finally decided to let her past go and return to Starfleet.
A few moments later she and her tomato sandwich settled in at the larger wooden printer's desk in the family room. The piano she'd learned to play on was in a mirrored position to the desk, resting along the wall behind her. The wall to her right was filled with books, the entrance to the kitchen providing the only break in a collage of colorful spines. Other instruments and a large overstuffed and well worn leather couch filled the rest of the space. This room had always been her favorite in the house. It was the room they spent the most time in all together; reading books, making music and the sisters doing their school lessons. Now it would be the room where she accepted her path in life was no longer intertwined with the farm.
Wiping her fingers clean on her jeans, Alix lifted a pen, dabbed the tip to her tongue in a useless habitual gesture, and began to write.
Daddy-
How do I say this without breaking your heart?
I have decided to return to Starfleet.
A heavy sigh accompanied the sound of crumpling paper and Alix began again.
Daddy-
You and mom
The pen scraped audibly as Alix scratched out the word mom and then flipped to a new page.
Daddy-
I can only hope that who I’ve become makes you proud.
It continued like that until a small pile of crumpled paper balls lay on the surface of the old desk and Alix leaned back in her seat, shoulders slumped with resignation. She lifted her sandwich, balancing it on delicate fingers. Juice ran down her chin as she chewed on both her meal and her thoughts. By the time she'd finished, wiped away the mess and brushed away the crumbs, Alix had come to realize that what she needed to say to her family couldn't be put down on paper. Instead she wrote. Reply to Esa, thanking her for her letter and promising to come by and see her before she returned to Starfleet and got her new posting.
Sealing the envelope and addressing it plainly, she felt the finality in her decision and instead of being sad, she was comforted. The same yearning that had continually pulled Alix back towards Texas was heavy in her chest again, but now it pointed her to the stars.