JP: LtCmdr T'Lea and Ens. Trovek: A Good Death - Reconsiderations
Arys Trova
((Deck 6, Arys’ and Tito’s Quarters))
Things had been… difficult for Arys. The young Counselor picked at her fingernails while re-reading the document she had just finished writing. The PADD in front of her made it seem innocent enough. With the press of a button the decision she had made, reconsidered, and eventually acted on, would be gone as if it had never existed. A piece of actual paper, Arys, reflected, would have felt more real.
She bit her lips and closed her eyes, seeking to calm her nerves with a few deep breaths. It’s what she told her patients to do. She was now learning that it didn’t really help. The feeling of utter defeat held her in a vice-like grip, and neither able nor willing to once more rethink her decision, she got up and tapped her badge.
Trovek: =/\= Counselor Trovek to Commander T’Lea.=/\=
T’Lea: =/\= Go ahead.=/\=
Trovek: =/\= I would like to speak to you for a moment. Is this a convenient time? It won’t take long. =/\=
T’Lea: =/\= I am finishing up a report in my office. You may join me here if you wish. =/\=
Trovek: =/\= Thank you. =/\=
((Deck 2, First Officer’s Office))
This mission had been particularly stressful for T’Lea. Not because of the challenges she’d face in dealing with her own psyche, but for the fact that it made her realize what she’d been missing. Surprisingly it wasn’t her daughter. Not that she didn’t miss T’Sara, but that was an issue that could not be remedied. No, the problem she faced was work related.
After reading Ensign Essa’s report on the artifact she found herself longing to be doing what she loved – digging up lost civilizations, studying their mysterious relics, and discovering answers to their history. And plotting the next off-ship expedition.
Which is why she was pretty excited about their shore leave to Bajor.
Instead, she sat behind a desk filling out and reading reports, and dealing with command related matters that never seemed to go away. This was not the kind of ‘power’ role her inner Evil Queen wanted. It had too many rules and regulations, and far too much damn paperwork.
So what was she doing here? Why wasn’t she down in the JAC labs plotting her next expedition? Because this is where Aria needed her, and deep down she wanted to help a friend.
Idiot.
Why did she have to be so nice?
The door chimes rang and the ID tag revealed that it was Arys. She hoped it wasn’t another report about to be dropped off in person. For some reason, probably mission related, everybody was doing in-person visits and it was really annoying.
T’Lea: Open.
The doors swished back and there entered a woman whom she knew too much about. And likely vice versa. But they weren’t going to speak of that, right? That was the deal, right? That better not be why the Counselor was here.
T’Lea: I hate my job. You would not believe the amount of incident reports that have come in. ::she shuffled a few padds:: I think most of them can be dismissed based on the insane circumstances, but why are you here and looking at me like you slapped a crewman.
Trovek: I have not. Do you want to talk about it?
T’Lea looked at Arys through squinty eyes. Somewhere a signal got crossed.
T’Lea: Do I want to talk about why you have not slapped a crewman?
Trovek: No. I asked if you wanted to talk about how you hate your job.
T’Lea: In that case no. If I start talking, I’ll start yelling, and then there may be projectiles involved. ::she scratched the tip of her ear and gave another curious squint:: Why are you here?
Arys’ heart felt heavy as she nodded and took a deep breath. She was close to reconsidering, to pretend she had come here to talk about T’Lea’s feelings.
Instead, she swallowed hard.
Trovek: Well. ::she sighed and handed her a PADD:: … I… given the events of the past weeks… I decided to resign.
The Romu-vulc was in the process of taking the padd, and then stopped (as if it were crawling with cooties), which left the device dangling off Arys’ fingertips precariously.
T’Lea abruptly got up and headed for the replicator.
T’Lea: Hot beverage?
The younger woman tilted her head to the side and pursed her lips.
Trovek: No…
T’Lea: Vulcan spice tea.
Hanging out by the replicator while the drink appeared, T’Lea glanced back at the Counselor and the stale air in the room.
T’Lea: I’m not ignoring you. I just want something scolding to throw at you.
She gave the woman a questionable grin, and retrieved the tea cup when it appeared in solid state. Delicately taking the cup she turned and moseyed over to the sofa instead of her desk, and sat down.
If this was a joke, Arys did not understand it as such. She held her PADD in front of her chest, like a shield that would hopefully protect her from T’Lea’s potentially vicious attack.
Trovek: That’s-... Please do not…?
Arys noticed that she had a throbbing headache, and she had it for several days. Once or twice she had been close enough to go seek out medical help, but then she remembered that Silval was likely present somewhere in that area, and she really did not want to have to talk to him. He knew she was crazy. He had seen it.
T’Lea: ::blowing on the beverage:: And here I thought we had an understanding. I thought we shared something special. I know your dirty secrets and you know some of mine. We played with our inner-children together for frak’s sake, did that mean nothing to you?
She purposely made it sound like an awkward break up, mostly to entertain herself, but also to see if she could make Trovek squirm and re-think some things.
Trovek: ::frowning:: It’s not because of you.
T’Lea: So you’re just going to leave? Just like that? Why? And don’t say it’s you, not me. We both know it is you. Because I’m perfect. It’s never me.
Arys sighed and reconsidered getting a drink. She walked over to the replicator, getting herself a mug of hot coffee with additional caffeine. The Counselor sat down next to T’Lea, sighed and sipped from her coffee. What was she even going to say? Why was she even talking? Her plan had been to hand in the resignation and to just… leave. She hadn’t planned on making this a matter of discussion, or a democratic vote.
Trovek: Yes, it's me. I mean just look at-.. ::she bit her lip:: You have secrets. I’m really good at keeping secrets, so you don’t have to worry, that stays between you and me. But it isn’t the same for me, is it?
There was a small frown and head wag between sips of tea.
T’Lea: I don’t follow.
Arys hissed in frustration. That’s why she didn’t want to talk about it. She hated talking.
Trovek: Everyone knows, okay? They know about Kaala, and they know about my stupid terrorist mother. For fracks sake, I hallucinated a guy throwing himself into the warp core.
T’Lea chuckled.
T’Lea: That was spectacular, by the way. The sparkles really sold it. ::turning a bit more serious:: So what? You’re going to run away because people know something stupid about you? Boo-hoo.
Trovek: Not funny. I almost trashed the ship. And evidently I am crazy, which is fine, but everyone KNOWS that I am crazy.
T’Lea: If we’re doing that then I quit too. What kind of Vulcan ignores all logic and believes some guy threw himself in a warp core? And the vole. Don’t even get me started on the talking vole. ::finger snap:: Hey, maybe the entire crew should quit and save ourselves future embarrassment. ::waving the padd over:: Give me the padd, I’ll add my name to it and pass it around. As a certain inner-child would say, being First Officer is dumb.
Trovek: What do you find dumb about it? I think you did a pretty stellar job.
The Counselor shrugged and prodded at the dead plant. She kept the PADD.
T‘Lea: That is kind of you to say, but not entirely accurate. My contribution to the hallucinations was, as you know, plentiful. That is an unavoidable fact. Unless you’re Lieutenant Kendrick and then you apparently have no mental flaws to hallucinate about. ::curious frown:: There’s something wrong with that man.
Trovek: I know, right? What a weirdo. ::sighing:: And you didn’t put the voles into your report, right? No one will talk about it, you are far too scary. I‘m not. And now, who wants to go talk to the crazy counsellor? No one will ever trust me with anything. I don’t even trust myself.
The Romu-vulc hid a small frown behind another sip of tea. She found the Counselors' insecurities endearing, and the darker-side of herself found them amusing.
T’Lea: We all had our ego dinged a little on this one. To be honest if you don’t feel totally inept and stupid at some point in your Starfleet career then you might be a drenhole, which in my opinion is much harder to fix. Are you not happy here, or with your job?
Maybe that was a question she needed to be asking herself, she thought.
Trovek: I… I hate it. I feel so incompetent. It’s been three weeks. Four? First my patient died and everyone is blaming me for it. Then I almost trashed the damn ship. And I wasn‘t able to do anything actually useful aside from standing there and picking up spiders. Basically, I delayed us. I delayed the rescue mission. I‘m awful.
Her voice had risen in pitch and her words came faster and faster.
Trovek: And really I just want to get some sleep but I haven‘t slept more than three hours in three days and my neural pathways are degrading I am turning dumb this morning I had to ask the computer where my quarters are.
She took a deep breath and reminded herself that punctuation in sentences was generally a good thing.
T’Lea softly sighed. She could tell the young officer was feeling overwhelmed and defeated, and maybe the lack of sleep had something to do with it. She got up and grabbed a data padd from her desk. She punched in a command as she spoke.
T‘Lea: Exhaustion is no time to make a life altering decision. I’m going to order you to see the Doctor for your sleep issue.
Sent and done, she set the padd back on her desk and leaned against the edge.
T’Lea: So I’m going to say something because I think you need to be aware of it and hear it. ::pause:: You’re going to prove your mother right.
Arys grimaced.
Trovek: Jerk.
T’Lea: Just wait, I’m being a jerk with good reason. First of all, you’re not alone. The entire crew feels the way you do unless they are hardcore Vulcans. The truth is that the entire crew contributed to the disaster we found ourselves in. Hell, we were the only ones in engineering and we kept it running despite everything. I’m the one who imagined warp core contaminants, and then I went inside the damn thing, which caused another delay. My point is, nobody is to blame and everybody is to blame. That’s equality at its stupid best. We all sucked, and we all fixed it. But if you quit, you’ll regret it, and your mother will throw it back in your face for the rest of her life. That’s all on you. Personally, I wouldn’t give that to her.
Trovek: ::sighing:: You are suggesting that I remain here out of spite? But I am evidently suffering from some kind of… damage. I’m crazy.
T’Lea: Not spite -- epic, evil, immovable stubbornness. And you’re not crazy. That’s my job. ::pause:: Listen, if you’re sure, and you’re serious, then I’ll send your resignation up the chain. But! ::finger wag:: Get some sleep first. ::smirk:: And you may want to go on one more free vacation courtesy of Starfleet’s shore leave program, and then decide. :shrug, sip of tea:: I wouldn’t let a shore leave go to waste, but it’s your call.
Trovek: ::sighing:: You make a lot of sense. And fine. I will.. talk to a few people, clear my head, and make a decision then.
The Counselor got up abruptly and walked over to the door, taking the padd with her. Even though she was tired, she smirked.
Trovek: Thanks Tee.
She left before T’Lea had a chance to actually throw something at her.
The Romu-vulc rolled her eyes and gave a head wag after the door closed. Alone, she sat at her desk and stared at the stack of data padds awaiting her attention. She opened Ensign Essa’s report from the JAC Labs and started reading it for the third time. Maybe Arys was right. Maybe a change is what she needed
First Officer
USS Juneau
Author ID I238301T10