((USS Invicta, DeVeau Quarters))
::Alora almost always had music playing when she was in her quarters. Generally, the compositions were wordless pieces and consisted of compositions that were ancient from composers who had lived during the medieval period on Terra to all the way through the current century. Symphonic music at a low volume didn’t require that one cease conversation and often enhanced it. Her choices for that particular date were from the Romantic period, when composers began to show their emotions in their art. Beethoven had been the bridge, so she started with his fourth symphony and let that play in the background.::
::When the computer indicated that her expected arrival had indeed come, she instructed the doors to open and they did so to reveal the beauteous creature that was known as Raissa. Alora, plopped upon the couch, patted the seat beside her.::
DeVeau: Hey girl. What do you feel like doing tonight? Game, or movie?
::As much as Alora enjoyed spending time with Saveron, she also had other friends that she enjoyed. While hanging out with Saveron while hanging out with other friends was also good, it was nice to get one on one with those she was closest to.::
::Raissa sat down on the couch, kicking off her shoes and making herself comfortable on couch. Alora was not quite her usual energetic self though she did a good show of hiding it.::
Moonsong: Which would you prefer?
DeVeau: I’m good either way. You pick.
::She raised an eyebrow.::
Moonsong: How about a game?
DeVeau: Sure, you know me, I love games.
::Even if some of them weren’t exactly logical.::
DeVeau: Which one?
Moonsong: Truth or Dare?
::Alora giggled and shook her head.::
DeVeau: Are we in school again? That’s the game you want to play?
Moonsong: Well you did give me a choice?
::She leaned back into the corner of the couch making herself comfortable.::
Moonsong: I’ll even let you go first.
DeVeau: I did give you the choice, but I’m really awful at this game.
::Alora never could think up of any really good questions or dares, and she was never foolish enough to dare anyone to do anything dangerous.::
DeVeau: Hm. I guess...well, truth or dare?
DeVeau: Now I have to think of a question.
::She really was bad at that game. Alora tapped her finger against her chin.::
DeVeau: If you hadn’t become a counselor, what field do you think you would have gone into?
Moonsong: That is easy. I would have been a medical doctor. It was my original plan.
DeVeau: Did I mention I suck at this game?
Moonsong: We’ve only just begun, my friend.
DeVeau: Alright, your turn. I’ll take truth.
::Raissa stared at her for a long moment.::
Moonsong: What is really bothering you.
::That took Alora by surprise and she frowned a little in response.::
DeVeau: What’s bothering me?
DeVeau: Nothing at the moment. Why?
Moonsong: Alora DeVeau, I do not need to be a telepath to know when something is eating at you. You owe me truth.
::Alora’s mouth twisted. She’d already come face to face with him and had told Saveron the story. Why wouldn’t she tell Raissa also? If anyone else was going to be told, it would be her.::
DeVeau: It’s...I ran into this guy on the station.
::Raissa nodded in encouragement. Neither woman had ever spoken of past relationships.::
DeVeau: We used to...date.
Moonsong: The relationship did not end well?
DeVeau: The relationship ended because he wanted something that I wasn’t ready to give him and then he decided he was going to try and take it by force.
::While Alora had shared the memory with Saveron she wasn’t sure she wanted to go through that again, even with Raissa.::
Moonsong: How did you feel when you saw him?
::That was the obvious question, but Alora answered it regardless. Raissa was in counselor mode and while Alora hadn’t specifically sought out a counseling session, her friend had been the one to bring it up, so she might as well answer.::
DeVeau: Shocked and...wishing I hadn’t. I hadn’t ever wanted to see him again. Upset. Angry. You know, what you would expect, right?
Moonsong: Perhaps….::pause:: Afraid?
::Alora pondered that for a moment. Had she been? Yes. Even if the other emotions had taken the forefront, there had been that sense of fear. In answer, Alora nodded slowly.::
Moonsong: Still controlling you…
::That made Alora pause and furrows creased her brow.::
DeVeau: What do you mean?
Moonsong: You are afraid… what are you afraid of…?
::She really hadn’t planned to play counselor. But Raissa had become so attuned to Alora’s emotional state she knew it was important to address it. It might not be something that Saveron could understand. Then again, he was male and Vulcan. Of course he wouldn’t understand. But it could affect their relationship. Something Raissa was hell bent on preventing. Alora was as close as she was going to get to a love life of her own.::
DeVeau: I don’t know. I...I guess I just don’t want to have to live through it again - and now he’s at my back door, stationed on Astrofori I. I’d thought I’d left him back on Terra.
Moonsong: Did he see you?
DeVeau: Yes. Saw me, approached us, talked to us.
::At the time, she’d wanted to just throw him off the station, let him float into the vastness of space. Well, maybe not really, but the thought had briefly crossed Alora’s mind.::
DeVeau: And told us he’s stationed there now. I didn’t even know he’d entered the academy.
::Considering that his pips indicated he was simply an ensign, Yamato had either entered after her or taken far longer to finish.::
DeVeau: Saveron was with me.
::And what was supposed to have been a pleasant day in each other’s company had been tainted by the other man’s appearance.::
Moonsong: Does he know who that man was to you?
::Alora wouldn’t intentionally hide things from Saveron. Keeping secrets was not going to do their relationship any good.::
DeVeau: I showed him after.
Moonsong: Showed him?
DeVeau: Telepathically, yes.
::Alora was the most open person Raissa knew. She was more forthcoming over the Kindred incident which was a type of violation in itself. Why was she holding back?::
Moonsong: I thought you felt you could trust me?
DeVeau: I do.
Moonsong: Then why are you making me drag it out of you? Why are you holding so tight to this?
::The question was valid, so why was she not being so forthcoming? Even with Saveron, it had taken the arrival of Yamato for her to tell him what had happened.::
DeVeau: I don’t know. I just...never told anyone before I told Saveron, and now you.
Moonsong: That tells me you have never dealt with it.
::Alora wrinkled her nose and shook her head.::
DeVeau: I tried to put it behind me. I didn’t expect him to show up like that.
::Alora had stated much the same thing when she’d talked with Saveron.::
::Raissa kept her voice soothing and warm.::
Moonsong: As tightly as you are holding on to this, means it’s still controlling you. You may think you have put it behind you, but just from how you are responding to me, tells me that you haven’t.
DeVeau: Honestly, I just want to forget it ever happened.
::Which she hadn’t ever completely done, but she could certainly pretend well enough. With Yamato’s presence on A1, however, that had all changed.::
Moonsong: But you have not. You can not.
::Raissa considered for a moment how to address this. Unresolved trauma would affect all her relationships. It might have been a factor in why it took her so long to be brave enough to move forward with the love as she felt for Saveron.::
Moonsong: Alora… I have seen this before… The reason I know you have not put it behind you is because the fear and anger are still fresh in your mind. A wound that has not healed. A wall that no one can pass…
DeVeau: Yeah, well, it would have been fine if he hadn’t shown up again.
::Things had been going so well, but then, of course he would pop up in her life. Even light years away, she couldn’t get away from him.::
Moonsong: But he did show up. ::pause:: And he might again. He might even get assigned to this ship.
DeVeau: I might just throw him out into space if that happens.
::Well, no, not really, but sometimes she had to admit the temptation was there.::
::Raissa was silent a moment as she contemplated her friend before she spoke again.::
Moonsong: And what happens in that moment when you and Saveron become intimate. That memory will come out.
::Alora’s frown deepened.::
DeVeau: I’m not ready for that. He knows that and is respectful.
::Saveron was always respectful and would never cross a boundary like that. Unlike certain other people Alora knew.::
Moonsong: What is keeping you from being… ready?
::Was she really have this conversation? Alora squirmed in her seat and decided never, ever to play truth or dare with a telepath ever again. Especially Raissa.::
DeVeau: I don’t want to give that much of myself until we’re both sure this is something that’s going to last.
Moonsong: You mean until you are sure.
DeVeau: No. Just because I’m sure doesn’t mean he’s sure, and vice versa. I don’t want to give that much if there’s a chance we’ll break up. I’ll regret it if I do.
Moonsong: What is the sign that you are waiting for? The thing or action that will mean forever to you?
::Raissa knew she was being pushy by asking the hard questions. But if she didn’t there was the chance that the relationship could be sabotaged by something that could have been addressed earlier. She hated to make her friend uncomfortable. But she would be a lousy friend if she didn’t.::
DeVeau: Pretty much when he indicates his preference for such a scenario.
::Preference. A rather Vulcan-like word but Alora supposed it was accurate since they were talking about a man who was a Vulcan. Raissa made a face.::
Moonsong: I see. So you are both determined to hasten to the end of the relationship. ::pause.:: You both are more concerned about how it ends than with what you have.
DeVeau: Wow, you really are twisting words around, aren’t you?
::Irritation licked at Alora though she did her best not to let it affect her. Unfortunately, it was a losing battle.::
DeVeau: We don’t want it to end, Raissa, but we’ve both been hurt in different ways. It’s best not to rush into things, because that’s going to nail the lid to the coffin faster than anything else.
Moonsong: I know well the price of rushing into things, Alora. ::pause:: Carter.
::As painful as that break up had been, time was healing that wound. Of course focusing all her affection on her friends helped. At some point Alora will toss her out the door.::
Moonsong: As for twisting your words… I do not think so. You don’t want to get hurt. No one does. But you will hurt each other. You will become angry at him. He will be disappointed in you. If you are looking for the ‘happily ever after’ you will not find it. Not in him. Not in anyone.
::Raissa paused. She could feel Alora’s growing irritation and she should she shut up now, probably. But if Alora was going to eject her from the room, she would leave her with food for thought.::
Moonsong: You are looking for some sign from him that he wants this to last. Vulcan psychology tells me he would never enter into any relationship without the intention of a long term plan. Vulcans do not have casual relationships. Frankly, I doubt such a thought able to penetrate that particular Vulcan’s mindset.
DeVeau: He did say he’d never regret our relationship...
Moonsong: He has given you an answer. But until you recognize it is a Vulcan answer and not a Human one, you’ll keep holding back.
DeVeau: You still don’t understand. I’m holding back because despite that, *I* will regret if things don’t work out. If he decides…
::She hesitated, her mouth closing, jaw tightening. Strangely enough, the fear was an echo of one he might himself not own up to. Fear of rejection. Fear that things might end even after giving all of herself. Fear that he might change his mind - like T’Rel had done with him. Who didn’t have that fear?::
Moonsong: Do you want me to leave?
DeVeau: No, but I would prefer we not play this game. Ever. Let’s do something else.
::The point had been to spend time together as friends, not for a counseling session. Alora loved Raissa, but at the moment, the woman was getting completely on her nerves.::
Moonsong: All right… I will drop it. For now. But sometimes I would like to take a two-by-four to you.
::At that, Alora smirked.::
DeVeau: Honestly? Right now, the feeling is mutual.
Lt. Commander Raissa Moonsong
Chief of Counseling
Author ID: G239107RM0
Lt. Cmdr. Alora DeVeau
Chief of ScienceUSS Invicta