((Deep Space 10, Tea In The Sky))
Moonsong: I agreed to host a portion of them so that they could continue to observe us. Just a few hundred… I would not have been able to manage more than that. ::She paused taking a deep breath. The memory of her time with them holding her for a moment.:: We have no words to describe what it was like to be joined with them. It is why we are vegetarian now. Saveron warned me of the possible consequence. He was correct of course. When they left us… we were empty without them…
DeVeau: You’ve mentioned that before.
::Even if she hadn’t, Alora could tell, and she had noticed the change in diet as well. None of this was new to Alora - so what was Raissa getting at?::
Moonsong: Being of them… part of them changed us…
DeVeau: You mean even more than how you’ve just mentioned?
Moonsong: Saveron sequenced my DNA… I am… different. So different… When I touched Carter… he ended up in sickbay.
::That part was old news though Raissa wasn’t sure how much of that she had shared with Alora. The break up had been hard, though she held back a lot since at the time Alora and Saveron were still taking those first steps toward a relationship.::
Moonsong: I am telling you this… all of this… So that someone will know… ::her gaze was a touch fearful.:: And in the knowing… understand why I have made the choice to not have another relationship.
::Raissa had mentioned something about never having a relationship again, mainly because she couldn’t. Now Alora was hearing that she’d given up even more.:: DeVeau: Well, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?
Moonsong: Wait and see? There is nothing to wait and see. This is how it must be.
DeVeau: You say that, but it may not necessarily be true.
Moonsong: Alora… ::sighs:: Alora… When I am with someone… was with someone, I shared myself… all of myself. Including my mind. It was part of being an empath. I cannot do that anymore. I dare not. The only ones now that I could do that with safely are… unavailable and do not have an interest in me. Better no one than not enough.
DeVeau: But they also aren’t the only ones in the universe - maybe you just haven’t met the right guy yet.
::Alora didn’t like what her friend was saying, even if she could understand why Ris was saying it. If the woman focused on the idea that she could never have something, then that was just leading down an unpleasant road.::
Moonsong: It is not that simple...
DeVeau: Look, I understand - at least, as much as someone like me can. Fear is powerful and it motivates us to make decisions, even if they’re decisions that aren’t pleasant or even in our best interests in the long run. If that’s the choice you’re going to make, then I will love and support you no matter what - but I’m also not convinced that you’ve come to the end when it involves romance. Take some time, heal, don’t think about a relationship like that right now, but don’t look too far into the future. Take things as they come in the present for now and cross the bridge when you actually get to it, okay?
::The sigh was deep and Raissa felt the faint burn on tears.::
Moonsong: That is the problem… The bridge is there… And about to fall into the river…
::Alora paused and stared.::
Moonsong: I felt it every time he touched me. The dance...He wants me…
::A hot blush suffused her face warming her olive skin.::
Moonsong: Lt. Belasi...
DeVeau: Belasi? That guy?
::Well, he was handsome, and Alora had even mentioned him once to Raissa, but obviously, things had progressed further than she had realised.
DeVeau: But you’re afraid.
Moonsong: Of course I am. Look what I did to Carter. I do not want to hurt anyone else.
DeVeau: But that doesn’t mean it will happen again, or even to the next person. You said yourself that you would need someone with telepathic abilities, right? So it’s not like you can’t be w ith anyone.
::Raissa shifted uncomfortably. She was afraid of the possibility and unwilling to accept it. She couldn’t find the words. She didn’t know what to do but avoid him. There were too many confusing emotions involved.::
Moonsong: Is it wrong for me not to want to take that risk?
DeVeau: I don’t think it’s wrong, but I think that you’re making yourself miserable by playing out the worst scenario. Look, start off as friends. Hang out with him, just have fun. If things progress, then be completely, totally, utterly honest with him. Let him know about Carter. Then let Belasi make the decision. If not, then you two can be friends still and you’re none the worse for wear, right?
::Raissa was silent as she stared down at her cup. The contents now cold and undrinkable. Everything Alora had said was valid. She was right, that it would be best to be friends first and see what develops. She had thrown herself into a relationship with Carter. She had loved him, but as she had changed, so did their relationship and it didn’t survive.::
Moonsong: There… there is a difficulty with that…
DeVeau: What’s the difficulty?
Moonsong: I… feel him… his emotions… ::pause:: I have gained skill at ‘tuning out’ the thoughts of others, but I cannot do the same with emotions…
DeVeau: I see.
::Were Betazoids in general able to do that or were they also unable to block out emotions, just thoughts? It was a question Alora had never thought to as either Kestra or Raissa.
Moonsong: When he touches me… Then I feel… all of him… ::pause:: How do I just be friends with all that… projecting at me?
DeVeau: Well, I’ll admit, that’s not an easy situation to be in, but sometimes Vulcans make sense. While Saveron doesn’t ever deny he has emotions, he doesn’t let them influence rational decisions. Maybe he can give you some advice on it.
::Raissa nodded. Saveron was always good at talking her off the cliff of bad decisions. But she was still stuck with one question.::
Moonsong: ::softly more to herself than to Alora.:: I do not know if I should take this risk…
DeVeau: I do not know if you shouldn’t.
::Raissa silent. She looked up at her friend, tears burned her eyes. Her uncertainty clear.:: DeVeau: Again, I think you need to be honest with Belasi. Put everything on the table and let him be the one to decide. See, if you decide for him, you’re not giving him the opportunity. I mean, if you aren’t interested in anything more than friendsh i p, then that’s that. If, however, you feel there could be more, you need to let him in on the decision making.
::She nodded. For all that she gave out advice daily, her own life seemed to be something of an emotional mess of epic proportions. How could she be a good counselor if she couldn’t keep her own life in order. For a change she needed to follow someone else’s advice. Someone who could look objectively at the situation.::
Moonsong: I… I will talk to him… ::she bit her lip.:: Lor… I could fall for him so easily… I am afraid…
DeVeau: Yeah, I know that fear. Remember where I was not that long ago with Sav?
::Raissa nodded. How could she forget. She had intended to live vicariously through her friend.::
DeVeau: But you encouraged me. Now it’s my turn to encourage you. Sometimes, the things worth having the most are the things worth taking the most risk for.
::She smiled weakly.::
Moonsong: You probably feel like hitting me with a board…
DeVeau: Only occasionally. I’m sure you’ve felt the same way.
DeVeau: Well then, we’re even.
::Alora grinned and plucked another cake, but this one she offered to her friend.::
DeVeau: Better eat the caramel before I devour it.
::There were still tears in her eyes but Raissa accepted the cake and took a small bite. She did have a weakness for caramel.::
Moonsong: You know I cannot do without you.
DeVeau: On that, we’re also even.
****** Lt. Cmdr. Raissa Moonsong Chief of Counseling
Author ID: G23917RM0
Lt. Cmdr. Alora DeVeau
Chief of Science