[JP] Commander Valen Carys & Mikali sh'Shar - Uglier Ways (Part VI)

[Quinn Reynolds]

((Counselling Suite, Iana Station, the present))

Luna had checked in, and Benna was fine. There was no problem like that.

Regardless, Mikali felt that rising temptation in her gut. The temptation to lie, and say that Benna was unsafe, that her other parents were bad parents. Thoughts danced in her head about how that might help her.

Once again, she choked down that urge, although her willpower was significantly weaker now. There had been a lot of her exposed during this session. But there was enough in the tank for at least one last effort.

sh'Shar: No, no. She's not unsafe. I didn't mean to imply she was. She's perfectly healthy and not in any direct danger. She's just... miserable, and so very excited at the idea that she might have a chance to experience a better world. ::Her voice dropped.:: My life when I was her age was a lot worse. My home life was not safe. So I know what a dangerous environment is, and hers is not that. ::She chuckled grimly.:: If I thought Benna was in physical danger, I would immediately tell... someone. She's not. But... thank you for checking.

Valen: I'm relieved to hear it, and you're welcome. 

Whatever else had happened in her life, Benna had always had supportive people around her, checking in on her, protecting her. It was good to hear the trend continuing.

Good, but painful was the reminder of her own childhood, of more times she would rather forget.

Mikali's eyes stung. She'd been staring at nothing, avoiding eye contact, and it was starting to get to her. She'd tried so hard to cooperate, to participate, to do what was asked of her and what she needed to do, but there were limits to her abilities, and how far she could go. Her voice had no strength left in it. It was all she could do to get the words out, vaguely robotic and completely drained of passion and energy.

sh'Shar: Can I go home now?

The counsellor nodded, offering a reassuring smile, whether or not it was seen. She entered a final note, and placed her PADD down on the side table. It was an abrupt shift in the Andorian's demeanour, as though someone had switched off the reactor without warning. A few theories formed as to why, but she kept them to herself for now. In each of them, no good would come of pushing the woman any further today.

Valen: Of course. But before you go, can I ask if you keep a journal or a personal log, anything like that?

The further away she got from her past, the better (overall) things seemed to get, so recording the past seemed only to serve as an anchor to keep her there.

sh'Shar: No.

Valen: I'd like you to start. However you want to keep it, as long or short as feels right, but try to put down a few thoughts at the end of each day. ::Carys paused for a second, gesturing as she explained.:: The idea is you take a look through before you come to a session, and see if there are any recurring thoughts or themes for us to talk about.

It was difficult to think about planning like that, but if that was what it took, then that was what she would do. A more elaborate, more detailed response didn't seem possible, but she managed to answer at least.

sh'Shar: Okay.

Valen: Then I'll see you next week?

Oh, the temptation to say no.

Avoidance of pain was one of the most basic humanoid instincts. Things that were uncomfortable, difficult, or upsetting were so easy to rationalise oneself into paths that took one away from them, but one of Mikali sh'Shar's defining personality flaws and perks was stubbornness. Most of the time it was a flaw, sometimes it came in useful, especially when she had set her mind to something.

sh'Shar: Yes.

Valen: Good. ::She got to her feet, stepping to the side of her chair.:: I know we've already said you may feel worse for a few days, but if you have any troubling thoughts or you find yourself struggling with your sobriety, get in touch. There's always someone here.

Whatever else she had going on, whatever thoughts played in her brain like distant music, she was keenly aware of how supported she was. There were layers of protection around her; her roommate, her boss, the counselling staff, even the broader station staff if needed.

sh'Shar: I know.

Mikali wanted to go home but didn't want to leave, didn't feel as though she had the strength required to perform the physical action required, but once more her stubbornness pushed her to it. She slowly brought herself to her feet, and offered a hand to the Bajoran counsellor who had dedicated so much of her time to helping.

sh'Shar: Thank you. I'll see you next week.

Carys took her hand and shook it, a human gesture so readily adopted by the Federation's many aliens, then touched Mikali's upper arm in a light, reassuring gesture. She took a moment to cast her eye over the Andorian—the experienced, clinical eye of the psychologist—and then with a brief, sideways nod of her head, she indicated the door.

Valen: Come on, I'll walk you out.

Mikali squeezed the hand gently, then stiffly released it. She felt vaguely lightheaded and nauseous, the stress built-up within her needing release.

sh'Shar: Thanks.

They walked to the door, then sh'Shar gave a slight nod of her head, and left, heading out of the counsellors office, to a nearby bathroom where she threw up her lunch.

fin

--

Mikali sh'Shar

Civilian

ReachOut Project

O238704AT0

&

Commander Valen Carys 

Anthropologist and Clinical Psychologist

USS Gorkon

T238401QR0