Lt. (j.g.) Tahna Meru - The Starfleet Problem, Pt. II

[Meru Tahna]

((Tahna's Quarters, Deck 5, USS Gorkon))

Renas dropped the salute with all the formality of someone who’d been drilling that gesture for days, though even in his mock-seriousness the smile never left his face.

Valis R.: Any recommendations? Or am I just supposed to figure everything out on my own?

Tahna: There’s this cafe near school owned by a Denobulan named Grex. Full of books, quieter than spots on campus. You’d love it. He makes the best milaberry biscuits on Earth. ::Her cousin made a face and she frowned at him.:: I know they’re not your favorite, but they’re mine and they’re perfect if you’re missing home. Which you will be, even if you’d never admit it.

Valis R.: Do you miss home, Mer? Or does Starfleet keep you too busy?

Meru sipped her raktajino. Ren hadn’t traveled nearly as much as Meru had before leaving for the Academy, and he meant it as a genuine question. He’d not really seen Meru and her mother’s fights about the Academy either, so he had no idea that question was handing her mother a charged phaser.

Tahna: Of course I miss home, what sort of question is that?

Tahna Y.: You could have fooled me.

Tahna R.: Yavarel, don’t-

Tahna: ::Interrupting:: No. She was so eager to leave she wouldn’t take Starfleet’s initial “no” for an answer. Now that she’s out there she rarely calls or writes us. ::Somehow her tone remained stern and emotionless, despite her words.:: When was the last time you talked to your daughter, Rej? I’m surprised she picked up my call.

Tears pricked at the corners of Meru’s eyes, and when she spoke her voice was much softer than before.

Tahna: That’s not fair. You know that’s not fair. I have work, and friends, and there’s the time difference. I stay in touch as well as I can.

Tahna R.: ::Overlapping:: I know-

Tahna Y.: ::Overlapping:: Do you?

Renas studied the floor awkwardly on the other end of the call. Meru fidgeted with her bracelet and looked away from the PADD bearing her mother’s disapproving face. It might have helped, but her gaze fell on the her father’s painting of their kava fields hung over her desk and that only made it harder to hold back the tears.

Tahna Y.: And now you’re taking Renas with you, when he should stay here, helping his sister take over the farm.

This was why she hadn’t called home. This conversation was inevitable, but it seemed her avoidance had done quite a bit of harm. She wrote her father regularly, sending him holopics of the beautiful scenery she encountered for painting inspiration. But neither of them brought that up, knowing it would only hurt her case if her mother realized that Meru didn’t avoid her family, she avoided her mother.

She’d never been good enough for her. She wondered if she ever would be.

She’d emptied her raktajino, but they didn’t know that, so she faked taking another sip. It didn’t give her enough time to compose herself, but a steadying breath was better than nothing.

Tahna Y.: Nothing to say for yourself?

Tahna: What do you want me to say, marnah?1

She felt a single tear streak down her cheek, powerless to stop it, but she was proud of the fact that she at least kept her voice from shaking. Nothing filled the silence left by that question; her mother didn’t have an answer. And then she passed the PADD to Meru’s father and left. After a few seconds, when Meru assumed her mother was safely out of the room, he spoke up.

Tahna R.: She’s gotten worse since Ren received his acceptance. More nightmares about the Occupation. About you two having to fight for Starfleet like we did for Bajor. She worries about you.

Meru nodded and wiped away the stray tear.

Valis R.: I’m sorry, Mer-

Tahna: Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. She was like this when I left too. I just thought she’d finally started to accept that…that this is where I want to be, what I want to be doing. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you all, or about Bajor. There’s different ways to serve Bajor, to make our people proud. ::She took another shaky breath and nodded at Ren.:: You’re gonna do great at the Academy, Ren.

Valis R.: Thanks, Meru. ::He smiled.:: I’m gonna go pack. It’s good to see you. I’ll tell Tara and fa2 you called.

Meru nodded and he left her alone on the call with her father. He let out a deep breath, shook his head, and smiled softly at her.

Tahna R.: I am proud of you, Meru. Your mother is too, even if she won’t admit it.

Tahna: Thanks, fa.3

Tahna R.: Send me a picture of Ena’s home, if you can. I’d love to paint it for her.

Tahna: Of course. She’d love that.

Tahna R.: Good. Good.

They sat in silence for a minute. Meru managed a smile – how, she wasn’t quite sure.

Tahna R.: I’m going to go check on your mother. Ah’kayah’no,4 Meru.

Tahna: Ah’kayah’no.5

He hung up and Meru let her head fall into her hands. She would never be good enough for her mother. Really she’d known that since she applied to the Academy, but it was rarely so evident as it had been today. Normally her mother could pretend long enough to congratulate her on her latest success, even if it wasn’t the most sincere.

Meru told herself not to cry but it was no use. She sat at her desk, sobbing silently for several minutes. Then she took a deep breath. And another. And another. Then she wiped the last stray tears from her face.

She got another raktajino from her replicator, this one extra sweet, and threw on a uniform. She wasn’t supposed to be working today, but stars didn’t have feelings and that fact made them far easier to deal with than mothers. 

fin.

1 Bajoran: mother

2, 3 Bajoran: father

4, 5 Bajoran: I love you (informal)

--

Lieutenant (j.g.) Tahna Meru

Science Officer
USS Gorkon (NCC-82293)
G239801TM4