Mikali sh'Shar - Andorian Blues: The Logs, Part III
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David Adams
Dec 5, 2020, 7:38:50 AM12/5/20
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(( Recovery Room, Sickbay, Iana Station, Stardate 239711.09, Day 22 of 365 ))
[No log recorded]
(( Recovery Room, Sickbay, Iana Station, Stardate 239711.10, Day 23 of 365 ))
[No log recorded]
(( Mikali sh'Shar Personal Log, Stardate 239711.11, Day 24 of 365 ))
[No log recorded]
(( Mikali sh'Shar Personal Log, Stardate 239711.12, Day 25 of 365 ))
[No log recorded]
(( Mikali sh'Shar Personal Log, Stardate 239711.13, Day 26 of 365 ))
[No log recorded]
(( Mikali sh'Shar Personal Log, Stardate 239711.14, Day 27 of 365 ))
My head is killing me. I'm not going to be able to do much today. I feel like I could just go right back to sleep.
(( Mikali sh'Shar Personal Log, Stardate 239711.15, Day 28 of 365 ))
I feel really dopey and half-here. I guess that's what happens when you're unconscious for five days.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
Tan showed me the prosthetic eye and holy hell, it was ruined beyond all belief. No wonder my face puffed up like it did.
I feel really sleepy, in and out. I know these won't be much in terms of logs but I can't do much else. I'm supposed to record my thoughts but I don't have any.
I guess I'm glad to be alive. Everyone else at least says they are, which is good, so...
Ate my first meal today. Real food. Yum.
(( Mikali sh'Shar Personal Log, Stardate 239711.16, Day 29 of 365 ))
Today was the first day I was able to stay awake the whole day, although it was mostly a cozy dozing. Carys dropped by but I pretended to be asleep.
Sorry, Carys. I'm just not ready to talk to you yet. Maybe soon, hopefully soon. I'm not dodging you because I don't like you... I'm just dodging you because I'm not ready to talk about it yet. And I know you're going to want to talk about it.
I have some thoughts about what happened, but I was going to keep them for tomorrow. I'm still a bit too scatterbrained.
(( Mikali sh'Shar Personal Log, Stardate 239711.17, Day 30 of 365 ))
Got up and moved around a bit today. Nothing too much, just some walking, some stretching, something more than half-dragging myself to the bathroom.
It's so weird that when the brain is injured, the body drains itself. I don't know if it's an Andorian thing or not, but I feel as weak as a kitten. Standing takes a lot of effort and my walking pace is really more of a clumsy shuffle.
Zombie sh'Shar with one eye hanging out is not a great look. Argh. Blargh. Brains! Mine rotted away, so I'm going to eat yours!
(( Mikali sh'Shar Personal Log, Stardate 239711.18, Day 31 of 365 ))
Okay. I don't know if it's good to get all this stuff out before I talk to Carys — she's the professional after all — but I am slowly getting sick of staring at the walls in this place so I'm going to take some notes.
<long period of silence>
So... okay. Lemme get a glass of water and I'll dictate some dot points. If nothing else they'll help me get my head around all this.
(( Mikali sh'Shar Personal Log, Stardate 239711.19, Day 32 of 365 ))
It's so hard to get out of the habit of rehab-language. I find it's coming less and less, and I'm catching it easier, but it's still sneaking in there occasionally. I had to rework my "Summary Of What Happened" for Carys a few times because I kept doing it. Frustrating.
I know this isn't really what you want to hear, but I'm working on it, and it will take some time. I... got used to this mask, this facade of an intellectual person who was self-aware and controlled, and eventually it became second nature.
So the only thing I can do is make it... not second nature. Which I'm trying to do.
Anyway.
The point is, I know there comes a point where medical attention must be sought, I'm just... bad at finding where that point is, mostly because I don't want to cause problems.
Because I don't feel I'm worth all the trouble. And I know that's bad.
(( Mikali sh'Shar Personal Log, Stardate 239711.20, Day 33 of 365 ))
Today was an off day. I don't know why, but I just feel flat and exhausted. Sleeping a lot.
(( Mikali sh'Shar Personal Log, Stardate 239711.21, Day 34 of 365 ))
Apparently the drowsiness was caused by a change in medication. They switched me back. The old stuff was just to prevent any degradation of the ocular nerve, but there isn't that much damage anyway, so it's no biggie.
I've been thinking about what One-Joke said. That when I'm out of this goddamn room, I have to either make a new friend or find a new hobby. Find something that makes me happy.
It's a weird directive. "Be happy". If it was that simple, I wouldn't be here, would I?
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