Mikali sh'Shar - Andorian Blues: The Eye of the Storm, Part III
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David Adams
Nov 30, 2020, 8:42:44 AM11/30/20
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(( Recovery Room, Sickbay, Iana Station, day unknown ))
Mikali sh'Shar was not sure how long she slept, and although it was deep and relaxing slumber, it possessed an ethereal quality that was confusing; time in the recovery room seemed to just trickle away without any clear indication of how it passed. Hours, days, all seemed to blur together.
She half-woke up several times, mostly to receive treatment from the various staff, and use the small attached bathroom, and while everyone gave her privacy, she swore sometimes when she woke up her friends were there. If they said anything, she barely remembered it.
Finally, after some time, she woke up and it was just One-Joke there waiting for her. And this time she stayed awake.
sh'Shar: Hey. Still here?
One-Joke: Of course. ::He smiled lightly.:: You can go back to sleep if you want.
sh'Shar actually felt quite rested. Perhaps she'd been in bed for long enough.
sh'Shar: I actually feel good enough to get up. ::She propped herself up on her elbows.:: But you're still here?
One-Joke: My job right now is to look after you.
One-Joke. Tasha. Carys. Even Tan had dropped everything and wasted almost a week of his shore leave to sit by her bed.
Seeing so many people take a direct interest in her welfare was unusual. Even uncomfortable. She was used to getting yelled at and berated, to being watched and treated like the perpetual outsider, but to be actually valued was something that... she was not used to at all.
sh'Shar: It might take me a bit of time to get used to that.
One-Joke: I know. And it's okay to feel that way. We're all here to help you.
Mikali groaned slightly.
sh'Shar: I know. And I... I really need it. I guess I just feel bad. I screwed up. ::She afixed a firm look on her face.:: Don't worry. I'll redouble my efforts. I'll work even harder than before. You don't have to worry about that.
One-Joke just regarded her coolly.
One-Joke: Do you think that's the best way forward for you?
The question caught her off-guard. Surprised her with its bluntness.
Of course work was the best solution, wasn't it? She'd screwed up. Had hurt people. And she'd hurt a lot of people. The way she'd learned to fix that was to make it up to them. In this case, making it up to One-Joke for missing shifts, and hiding her illness.
sh'Shar: Isn't it, O-J?
One-Joke folded his arms in front of him cautiously.
One-Joke: I'm not here to berate you. I'm not here to yell at you. I'm not here to try and instruct you on the way forward... the point of this program is to help you see it for yourself. I'm not going to walk you through how to fix your problems because I'm only here for a year. You have the whole rest of your life to go yet, and there are going to be more problems, more complications. Things like this.
Mikali bit the inside of her cheek.
sh'Shar: I know, but... right now I'm lost. I don't know what you want from me. I'm not asking to be spoon fed the answer. I just need a hint.
One-Joke thought for a moment.
One-Joke: This is more Carys' thing, but let me give you my opinion. Okay?
sh'Shar: Please.
He clicked his tongue, eyes averting for a moment, gathering his thoughts.
One-Joke: You've shown you can work hard and that you love your daughter. Your ability to form emotional bonds with people, to put your heart into any given set of tasks, that's not really the part that needs work right now. The part that needs work is you having moderation, and treating yourself well. Living a healthy, balanced life, so that this... doesn't happen again.
It made sense. She definitely didn't want to spend any more future time in hospitals and sickbays.
sh'Shar: How can I do that?
One-Joke: It's my observation that you don't have enough friends here on this station.
Given he had, the last time they'd spoken, indicated how many people were here to see her, it was a strange observation and one she was not expecting at all.
sh'Shar: That's not true. I have Tasha.
One-Joke waited patiently, as though expecting her to go on.
sh'Shar: I have you. Right?
One-Joke: Of course. You definitely have that. But for the purposes of this discussion, let's exclude me.
Her sleep-addled mind tried hard to come up with a snappy answer but none came.
sh'Shar: Okay, so, I have Tasha. I have... Carys.
One-Joke: While she's lovely, and is invested in your wellbeing and probably would consider herself your friend, let's exclude Carys too. Both she and I have a conflict of interest in this regard as we have a professional interest in you as well.
sh'Shar: I have Catscratch.
One-Joke: I talked to her. She says you two argue a lot, and that you push her away subtly. Speaking personally, I would say she's more of your roommate. You might need someone to talk to about her, for example.
sh'Shar: I have...
She couldn't think of anyone else.
One-Joke: You live on a giant floating party with thousands of people looking to have fun and meet people, and in this environment, you have exactly one friend who you don't also have a professional relationship with. And even her you met through the program. I think that's the most important part of your life right now: you need more friends.
The F word.
It was so easy to be calm in that moment, laying in a recovery room of Iana Station, able to sleep as much as she wanted, but the thread of conversation was taking a hard right turn into difficult territory. She could feel her pulse picking up, her empty eye socket throbbing, her skin growing colder.
sh'Shar: Friends are... hard, for me. I don't find them easily. The kind of person I am makes it difficult, and keeping those friendships harder. ::She scoffed.::
She didn't mention it, but dating was even worse than friends. She was like a bull. She saw red flags and just charged on in.
O-J chuckled at that joke, but it was the soft, forced chuckle of someone who was at least admitting some part of it was true.
One-Joke: Seems like you haven't really tried in years. You might find the results surprise you. Tasha was very concerned about your welfare and went to a lot of effort to protect you. You were more than "some person" to her. She's not alone in caring for you.
Mikali snorted grumply.
sh'Shar: Well, you can't order someone to be my friend.
One-Joke: No, and I'm not going to.
sh'Shar: So what are you going to do?
One-Joke: After you're discharged, however long that takes, as part of your return-to-work schedule I'm going to schedule you on lighter duties for two weeks. I want to keep helping you form good habits, so we're going to stick with getting up early, getting dressed, coming in to work. But they'll be short shifts, four hours, and they'll be very light work. Mostly just inspections and PADD-work. I don't want you going home all sweaty and tired. For the remaining four hours... you can relax, take the time off, and heavens forbid go explore this station. You might find someone to talk to, something you like, anything. Something that will spark a bit of joy within you. Something other than work.
She could hardly believe what she was hearing.
sh'Shar: Wait... after all that's happened, your response is to order me to have fun?
He smiled warmly.
One-Joke: Once you're out of here, you have four weeks to find a single additional friend, whatever form that takes for you. Or to find a new hobby, if that suits you better, or to find something that makes you happy. Something that is out of hours, that you want to do, that makes you smile. But only after you're discharged.
She wanted to be grumpy even more, but in the face of such kindness she simply couldn't.
sh'Shar: Okay.
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