JP: Lt. Cmdr. Yogan Yalu & Cmdr. Karrod Niac: Between Two Trills PT2
jkpbem
(( The Round Table, Deck 13, USS Excalibur-A ))
Yalu: You’ve had a remarkable career in your own right. ::beat:: I read your service record–well, at least the bits I could access. Your one life has been extraordinary.
Karrod nodded politely but the only thing he found especially extraordinary about his career at this point was that he had lived this long.
Niac: Don’t go pulling an old man's leg, Yogan. Starfleet has a lot of remarkable in it. I’ve just managed to stick around a while and somehow still have most of my original parts. But, if you don’t mind a question…who were you before Yalu took up residence? You seemed to handle that runabout like you were born in it.
Yalu: ::chuckles:: Not born in, but as soon as I could reach the controls. I was born on Earth, moved back to Trill when I was ten. That’s when I first learned about Joining–nobody talked about it when we were aliens living on another planet. It’s also when I started learning to fly. By the time I finished school, I had the equivalent of a Level 3 pilot’s cred.
Karrod’s eyebrows rose in appreciation. A level three piloting mastery could be the work of decades for some and simply unachievable for others. To have gotten that far as a student was nearly unheard of.
Yalu: But I actually went to university and trained as a doctor. Kept up with my pilot training throughout. ::beat, smirks:: They kind of got in each other’s way, and it took me an extra year to graduate. Then I applied to the Initiate Program, got in, and spent the next four years preparing to be Joined.
Four years. Four long, difficult, tumultuous years. Four years of sleepless nights second-guessing everything he said that day. Four years of watching evaluators look down at their PADDs and take notes on him after every interaction. Four years of avoiding making friends because of the implicit threat of being washed out for reasons unknown. Four years to prove he was deserving of the privilege. And evidently, all he really needed to do was hang around by the loading docks behind the Complex and wait for a ‘slug’ to be tossed through the windows.
It was a story Karrod had heard so many times before that he was almost surprised at how much it frustrated him anew. Horvu, Sencha, Armo and Rostil seemed nonplussed and that somehow only redoubled Karrod’s irritation.
Niac: Let me get this straight. You were an expert pilot and a trained medical doctor…and rather than going and doing either of those incredible things, you decided to bust your spots for four years and undergo the most demoralizing and psychologically punishing training this side of Vulcan just for the chance at one of these things? ::Karrod poked his gut hard:: Why? Why weren’t you enough already?
Karrod’s assessment of the Initiate experience was hyperbole, but not by much. It was hard. It was demoralizing at times. There were days when Yogan wanted nothing more than to just walk away. He was proud of his perseverance, and so were most of the Trill he knew. The fact that Karrod placed such little value in it was a difficult circle to square.
Yalu: I was.
Niac: You didn’t think so down on that planet. ::Karrod tapped his temple:: No lies between friends and countrymen, Yogan, and I’d like to think of you as both.
Yogan bit his lip. Called out.
Yalu: Becoming Joined was never about making myself a more complete person. It is about elevating the symbiont to the next level.
A direct quote from one of the many required texts Yogan devoured as an Initiate. He believed in it, but outside of the Program, he’d never been called to account on it before. It struck him differently this time, and he stopped to take another draught of glurtch. It was starting to get prickly from having sat too long, and it didn’t go down smoothly.
Karrod smiled sympathetically, the sound of a oft quoted slogan clear to his ear. The Symbiosis Commission may have even tried that one on him at some point although he’d largely tuned them out when he could.
Yalu: Symbiosis is something unique to us. It is the most crazy, overwhelming, emotional history lesson any Trill could ever get. I have the lifetimes of eight Trill living inside of me all the time, and I see our world and our people through their eyes just as clearly as I do through my own.
Yogan felt his energy rise, and not from the glurtch, as he spoke, becoming more animated with each word.
Yalu: Because of me, and the seven who came before me, the ‘slug’ Yalu got to travel in space. Run a colony. Perform in the theater. Serve in the Senate. And the experiences I have will continue to exist in whoever comes after me.
As far as Symbiosis was concerned, Yogan and Karrod were like opposite points on a compass, and it was hard to believe they were the same species. Yogan always found it difficult to explain Joining to non-Trill, but with Karrod, it was even harder. The answers he was taught to give seemed to ring a bit tinny between the two of them.
Niac: Symbiosis may be unique to our species but there’s something else unique to our species as well. You. Yogan. The young man who loved to fly. The kid who began dedicating his life to the preservation of others when he should’ve been out having fun.
Karrod finished his drink and could feel a heat rising in his cheeks. His voice hadn’t risen in volume but he knew it’s intensity had increased markedly.
Niac: That’s the thing I think our people lose sight of when they go chasing after Joining. They forget that, all by themselves…they already matter. They don’t owe history or the Commission or the slugs a damn thing. And neither do you. Because, and I want you to remember this because I think it’s damn important, Yalu didn’t save our asses down on that rock. Yogan did. You were the first to make contact. You opened the door for Sherlock to pour her brain into that thing. Yogan deserves the credit…and the self-respect that should come with it. Far as I’m concerned, Yalu’s just borrowing what’s rightfully yours.
Yogan recalled his recent conversation with Cayden Adyr, a fellow Joined Trill, on Risa, which was the antipode of this one in every conceivable way. So much between Yogan and Cayden didn’t even need to be said; they just knew they were of the same mind about these things. Karrod, by contrast, seemed to represent everything about Joined Trill that Yogan was not. Flashes of memory from Edanne, Yalu’s second host, roiled to the surface. No one in her village understood her after she returned home with the ‘slug.’
Yalu: You’re right. I did those things. Yogan did those things.
Niac: Damn right he did and it’s good to know that, however many lifetimes of experience you’re carrying around, I’ve got Yogan with me on this ship watching my back. If Yalu can help out around the edges, great…but I’m not holding my breath for them.
Yalu: You proved yourself on that planet, too, and I think I’m really going to enjoy serving with you. But–– ::beat:: just between us countrymen, I don’t need you to tell me who I am. I am Yogan and I am Yalu, and I am better for being both of them.
Karrod smiled, broadly and genuinely, at the sudden spark of fire in the man's voice.
Niac: No, you don’t, and I’m glad you remember that. You don’t need anybody or anything to tell you who you are or what you can be…so the next time you’re away from the slug…and if my remarkable career in Starfleet has taught me anything it’s that there will be a next time…don’t doubt yourself. I sure as hell won’t. See, I’ve got an advantage you didn’t have down there…I’m not used to relying on Niac. I was action-rolling out of danger for decades before I got Joined. I’ve only known them for a few months and there were still moments I was frustrated I didn’t have Sencha or Armo to chat with about big science words. You’ve had Yalu with you for a lot longer…I can only imagine how hard it was to have that ripped away. Honestly…I just wanted to make sure you were alright. That Yogan was alright.
Yogan slid the mug of glurtch to the side of the table and grinned slightly. Karrod’s antipathy toward his symbiont was palpable, but Yogan took some comfort in the fact that he found some value, however miniscule, in being Joined. It didn’t seem likely that either man would be swayed from his position, but that wasn’t the point. They weren’t adversarial, just principled. Yogan appreciated this about Karrod, and it was this budding mutual respect that nudged Yogan to ask his most burning question.
Yalu: You made it sound like you didn’t have much say in becoming Joined. If you were so against it, why did you agree to it?
Karrod huffed and his lips pressed together.
Niac: Would you believe me if I said I lost a bet? ::At Yalu’s withering look Niac shrugged.:: If you’d asked me that day I would’ve said something like ‘to get them to stop badgering me’ but that wouldn’t have been the truth. Well, not the whole truth, they really were incessant. The truth is…well...so you read my service jacket, yeah? Did you read anything about the past hosts?
Yogan conceded the point with a nod. The Symbiosis Commission exerted significant influence not only over Joined Trill, but in general society. It stood to reason that Karrod, even with all his experience, might have buckled under the pressure. Even with four years of preparation for the omnipresent role the Commission would play in his life, Yogan frequently found it stifling.
Yalu: Just enough to know they weren’t exactly blessed with good fortune.
Karrod laughed forlornly.
Niac: You’ve got a gift for understatement. Rostil, the first host, died sampling exotic ingredients and he’d been with Niac for around a decade. Sencha and Armo barely had that much time between the two of them and both came to unfortunate ends. ::Karrod poured himself a drink but then put the stopper back on the bottle.:: But Horvu…that poor kid. He…well, he was a lot like you, to be honest. Bright. Talented. Driven as all hell. He could’ve…should’ve had a lot more life than he did. But his ship got caught up in the Dominion War and…
Karrod raised his glass in sad salute, the memories of Horvu’s last moments coming unbidden. The Exeter at red alert. The Captain calling all hands to battle stations. Violent explosions rocking the deck as he raced to his post. The jarring impact that kept him from ever getting there.
Niac: The rest of the hosts had their chance as far as I was concerned. Bad luck, maybe, but they all had lives and accomplishments and a chance to…to be, for a while at least. Horvu didn’t. Poor kid had barely gotten his duffel unpacked when the end came. I felt like…felt like he deserved another shot. However I could give it to him. But…appreciate you keeping that between us. I’ve got a reputation as a grumpy old sod to maintain. Friends and countrymen, right?
Karrod felt a warmth from the symbiote he’d never experienced before and got the strange notion that somehow, it was smiling at him. Probably a sign he was right to stopper up his scotch bottle before it got any closer to the bottom. Probably.
Yogan listened to Karrod speak of Horvu Niac and couldn’t help thinking of Yalu’s wartime counterpart, Auzell. Twenty-five years had passed since the galactic war that changed everything, but Karrod, Yogan, and countless other Joined Trill still bore the weight of that terrible conflict on their shoulders. Other races built memorial obelisks and created cultural works to process their collective grief. Those Joined Trill who fought and died in the war would have their first-hand experience preserved forever in the minds of their successor hosts.
Yalu: I think I understand. I’ve been Joined for seven years, and I still feel the pull of my past hosts’ desires and drives. I’ve even acted on a few of them. ::beat, chuckles:: Kind of explains what I’m doing in Starfleet, and why I’m on the command track. Yogan might have chosen this path on his own, but to say that Yalu wasn’t an influence would be a lie.
Niac: I’ve noticed that myself…woken up in the middle of the night with the sudden desire to make Akamarian crepes, found myself wandering towards the nearest arboretum when I thought I was just taking a stroll and I think Sencha wants me to replicate something called an oboe which she insists she was just getting good at.
Yogan laughed, delighted by the familiar tone and tenor of Karrod’s experiences. So they did have some things in common, after all. Even with all of his years of preparation, the first few months A.Y.–after Yalu–were immensely confusing and uncertain for Yogan. He could only imagine what Karrod would be going through with only a week or two to prepare for Joining.
Yalu: Welcome to the club. Those surprises can actually be kind of fun, in the right place and time. ::beat:: Then again, they can also be super awkward. Keroga, my fourth host, was an actor in–– ::beat, affected tone:: the theah-tah. And to this day, when I step onto the bridge, part of me still wants to make a grand entrance.
Karrod felt himself smiling more broadly than he had in quite a long time.
Niac: Well son, I’ve got some pull with the ships Operations Officer…you want me to rig up a fog machine and some lights I think swing that. Besides, Commodore seems like she might enjoy a bit of vivacity from time to time. That firecracker she’s got as an XO…maybe less.
Yogan thought briefly back to Risa, and his and MacKenzie’s visit to Harmadu’s Paint-Your-Own Horga’hns. Never before had the phrase, “Okay, what the hell is this?” been spoken with such brisk élan.
Yalu: ::smirks:: Maybe just a trap door. Would really liven up those night shifts. ::beat:: You asked me, so I’ll return the sentiment. Are you all right? Is Karrod all right?
Karrod began to answer but halted himself, a moment of introspection not finding the easy answer he’d expected. He could feel his brow furrowing and his response came slowly.
Niac: To be honest…not really. Last few months have been tricky. I thought I’d be able to go back to my old life with a few extra passengers but that was impossible. I told myself I’d never serve on a starship again, but you can see how well that worked out. But…and this is the damndest thing…it’s getting easier. I forgot how good it felt to be with a crew. How much being part of one makes every member of it…better. I think I spent such a long time telling myself that I didn’t miss this…that I started believing it. All the same…maybe we could do this again sometime. Talking to someone who gets…::Karrod gestured towards his midsection but refrained from a jab or poke::..gets this...it helps.
Karrod raised his glass for a final time.
Niac: To Friends and Countrymen.
Yogan fetched his mug, which contained the by-now unpalatable dregs of his glurtch, and raised it as well. It was worth choking down the stuff if they were drinking to a worthy cause.
Yalu: To Friends and Countrymen.
[End]
Lt. Commander Yogan Yalu
Strategic Operations Officer
USS Excalibur NCC-41903-A
Justin D238804DS0
&
Commander Karrod Niac
Chief of Operations
USS Excalibur - NCC-41903-A
Commodore Kali Nicholotti, Commanding
V239509GT0