Lt. Seta Jinean - When We're Scared

[Arys Trovek]

((Counsellor’s Office, Excalibur-A))
 
Jinean was talking to Ensign Jovenan who, despite being somewhat reluctant to talk about her feelings, seemed to have reflected on why she felt the way she did. And the emotions the young woman encountered were something Jinean had heard from several new officers throughout her career.

Seta: You mentioned before that the missions were quite stressful. Do you want to tell me a little more about that?
Jovenan: Uhm, I, um ::pause, start over::  When I was in Academy… ::pause, start over:: The missions were… ::pause, sighs, start over:: I was afraid. I was afraid almost all the time. What was happening in the ship, it was real, and we could have died at any point. I could have died, you, Kawarda, Crewman Lante, any of us could have. We had practiced operating in emergencies or difficult spots in the Academy. I didn’t do well in any of those tests and luckily in science, not too many of them were required. But all those exercises, all of them were fake, holograms or role-playing. This is not some game anymore. It’s obvious, I know, and I was aware of it back then too, but facing it for real was… I don’t know, different. And… ::pause, puts down drink:: And in the hallway to the shuttlebay, during the last mission. I walked. I walked slow because I was afraid, I was wary of every corner because I didn’t know what was happening and thought that something could attack me. I had vital information to the bridge, but I couldn’t run until the very end. If I had been slower, I might have… failed.

Jinean nodded slowly. Being afraid wasn't a pleasant feeling, but it was vital when it came to self-preservation.
Seta: Being afraid isn't always a bad thing.
Jovenan: I know, I know. But sometimes, sometimes I wonder if I ::pause:: if I’m well suited in the Starfleet after all. I’m not brave or bold. I can’t even fire a phaser without flinching. I don’t want space battles or combats.
Seta: So why did you join Starfleet?
Not that phaser fire and dire situations were supposed to be a daily occurence, but it was part of the parcel.
Jovenan: I joined to see planets. Strange, new ones, not same ones day after day. I did consider joining some research organization, but you don’t get to see them first except in Starfleet. Sometimes I think… Sometimes I think maybe I should have after all.
Seta: I don't think so, Ensign. ::she smiled softly:: I think what you are experiencing is something many new officers simply don't like to talk about. You graduated only recently, didn't you?
She seemed to remember that Jovenan had received a graduation ribbon.
Jovenan: response
Seta: I think being scared is very normal, and having doubts is... normal too. The last few weeks were a lot more stressful than life in Starfleet has any right to be. I was scared too, or at the very least unsure what to do, and I've been in Starfleet for a while now.
Jovenan: response
Seta: Well, in the lab I was basically praying for Lieutenant Commander Etan to come back. That I did a few medical science courses does not mean I am a scientist, or enjoy standing around in a lab. ::she admitted::
Jovenan: response
Jinean nodded. That was an insightful way of looking at it.
Seta: I think the question of 'am I normal' is something many people encounter. And the answer, in your case, is yes. It's normal to be scared. So what we need are, perhaps, ways to handle being scared when we are. What do you think?
Jovenan: response



Lt. Seta Jinean
Counselor
Excalibur-A
J239809TA4