Lt Seta Jinean and Ens Hiro Jones - (JP) Walkie Talkie pt 2
notyourfrog
((Timeskip, 1500 hours, Holodeck 3))
They continued their way, and eventually Jinean decided to ask what it was that Hiro wanted to talk about.
Seta: So what’s on your mind?
Jones: Well, I guess I’m still trying to figure out who the heck I am.
Seta: I believe that to be a lifelong endeavor. ::she smiled, perhaps a little sadly:: Is there anything in particular that is giving you trouble?
Jones: Like I mentioned the other day, I’ve been in Starfleet before. I got out a few years ago, but I was a counselor Lieutenant Commander at Starbase 104. I was there for about six years, but you won’t find any of that in my service record.
Jinean tilted her head. Even if the role of a Counsellor came with a blatant disregard for ranks, she recognized the dedication that had gone into attaining it.
Seta: Why not?
Jones: I … I asked that it all be redacted and my rank dropped to Ensign again.
Seta: That’s… interesting. May I ask why you made that decision? I know Starfleet doesn’t do that without justification.
Hiro would likely have had to discuss the matter with another counselor first.
Jones: Have you ever gotten to the end of a day, and as you’re falling asleep you think, “huh. I completely wasted today,” but you can’t do anything about it so you just go to sleep? That’s what those six years were for me, but it took me a long time to realize my wastefulness.
Seta: That’s not a great feeling to have, no. ::she agreed:: So you decided to quit Starfleet altogether?
Jones: Well to be honest, my reasoning for leaving Starfleet was purely selfish - as had been my career. I was frustrated that I wasn’t being promoted as quickly as I wanted, and decided to go into the private sector.
She nodded thoughtfully.
Seta: So when did that feeling first start?
Jones: It was after I learned of the death of a friend.
Hiro sighed. It was painful to say these things aloud. He’d shared this story with only a couple people - his parents and Michael. As far as everyone else had been concerned, his decision to rejoin Starfleet had been a career path decision.
Jones: The official line is that she went missing. I can’t really go into a lot of details, per my recommissioning agreement, but the short, censored version is my friend didn’t get the kind of counseling help she needed, and ended up taking her own life. It was really then that I realized I’d been so focused on my own career, I may have easily missed opportunities to help people in the same situation she’d been in.
For a moment, Jinean remained silent. She hadn’t exactly lost a patient before, but she knew that mental health in Starfleet wasn’t always as supported as it should be. The idea of someone not feeling able to seek out help pained her, but it didn’t come as a surprise. Too often, needing help was perceived as weakness.
Seta: I’m sorry to hear that, Hiro. ::she said softly:: Do you feel like it was your fault?
Jones: I can’t help feeling remotely responsible for her … choice. I know it’s not my fault directly, since we never served on the same posting, but I don’t know the aftermath of any lack of attentiveness for any of my patients, and am honestly a little afraid to look.
She nodded.
Seta: That is always the… well, risk? Perhaps not the right word, but being a counsellor is an occupation where a positive outcome isn’t always guaranteed. The same is true for being a doctor or nurse. ::pause:: What does being back feel like for you?
Jones: That’s where it gets sticky. I’m back, right? But I’m not back as Lt Cmdr Hiro Jones, Counselor. I’m back as Dr. Ens Hiro Jones. I’m thrilled to have a second chance - to do things right this time, but I’m terrified of falling into old habits.
Seta: Can you name an example?
Jones: For instance: when I received the Innovation Ribbon at the awards ceremony, it felt … alive. Like it was some coiled snake inside that box, waiting to strike and infect me with the blind drive for promotion I was consumed by before. I know that’s silly. I know I’m more self-aware now than I was then, but when I was acting CMO during our last mission, I couldn’t even bring myself to go INTO the CMO’s office.
She nodded slowly, allowing the silence to settle between them before she responded.
Seta: One thing many healthcare professionals struggle with is the recognition of their work. Whether we are nurses or doctors or counselors, we do difficult things on a daily basis. And, unfortunately, too often it is taken for granted. Enjoying a recognition, or being focussed on one's career, isn’t a bad thing in and of itself.
Hiro stooped to pick a pebble up from the path they’d been meandering down, tossed it gently in his hand, then hurled it sidearm into the pond. He was silent a moment, slowing his pace and watching the ripples spread from the pebble’s entry point.
Jones: I’m afraid that when any advancement does come, will I be able to hold onto the commitment to do good, or am I going to get obsessed again by promotions, accolades, and recognition?
Jinean stopped in her tracks and turned to Hiro.
Seta: I am not saying it can’t get addictive. I am not saying that you should be unconcerned about potentially falling into old habits. But let me ask you this - when you had this drive for career progression, were you a bad counsellor?
He couldn’t help but feel like Seta was staring into his soul. She demanded an honest answer with her gaze. Hiro couldn’t maintain eye contact due to its intensity. When he looked down at his hands as he clapped them together, freeing the dust the pebble left, he still felt her eyes on him - still waiting for that honesty with her and with himself.
Jones: Was I a bad counselor? ::deep breath:: I believe the input I received - the issues the patients brought to me - were answered with quality, sound responses. I knew my stuff, and they got the exact answers any textbook would have given them. A holographic counselor could have done the same. That’s not all a counselor is though, is it? A counselor analyzes the tone, body language, and individual circumstances that brought the patient to where they are at the time of the appointment. I guess I did that too, but was there personal concern? Was there empathy? I really don’t know. Was I a bad counselor? No, but I could - SHOULD have been better. Should have been more.
Seta: Do you believe one can be both - driven and be there for others? Do you think *you* could be both?
Hiro noted the fact she dropped his self-flagellation of should’ve/could’ve, focussing instead on the more direct point. oO She is a good counselor. Oo
Jones: ::after a long moment to consider:: I don’t think I have a choice. If I do what I’m supposed to do, I’ll get the promotions and all the rest. That’s just how it works. I think ::another breath:: when they do come, I will have to take those moments to renew my commitment to do the best I can. Does that sound like a cop-out?
Seta: It doesn’t. ::she smiled:: I think it's something you have to deal with as it comes, and I would be happy to help you with it. How about we make that a habit? A meeting after the awards ceremony?
Jones: That would actually be really helpful.
Hiro looked at her, smiling, and felt his heart grow a little lighter. It was something he’d said countless times to his own patients: talking about a burden can help lighten it. Now though, he actually felt and believed the adage.
Seta: Then we have a plan. And …. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.
They’d reached the cascade now. Hiro stopped along the edge to listen to the water babble over the stones, creating little eddies where it filled lower pools and flowed on. Running water had always had a strong connection to Hiro’s thoughts and heart. He felt it was the perfect analogy for so much in life. At some times, he was like the stones being worn and shaped over time to suit the course of the water’s flow. At other times he felt like a leaf drifting on the surface of the inexorable current, fighting the flow was impossible. Still other times he felt like the water itself. His choices and path affecting those around him. As Hiro stood considering the tiny waterfalls now, he wasn’t sure which he was. Possibly all three at once.
Jones: Thank you, Seta. It’s wonderful to have a friend I can trust.
END
*****************
Lt. Seta Jinean
Counselor
Excalibur-A
J239809TA4
~ and ~
Ensign Hiro Jones, MD
Medical Officer
USS Excalibur-A
E239510KD0