BACKSIM LtCmdr. Brell - Painful memories.

[Brell]

((OOC: I went ahead and labeled this a Backsim just to help keep confusion down.))

((USS Darwin, Deck 10, Counseling Suite))

::The Bolian finished the section he was reading of Atlantis’ upgrades from base Intrepid specs. Then logged off of his before console he headed out to meet with Didrik Stennes. He didn’t know what the counselor wanted to speak about but he had a good idea. Didrik  was doing what he should have done as soon as he heard the human was on Trill; take the dive and talk about them, the affair they had and what to do now that he was back. The ride one deck down to the Medical and counselling areas of the ship took mere moments. He rounded the corner and was again surprised by Didrik working on something at the receptionist desk instead of his office. He tried to look casual and gave him a smirk when he looked up to see who was approaching.::

Stennes:  Thank you for coming.  ::indicating the empty room::  There’s no one in here today.  The calendar is clear and my receptionist is in his quarters.  He thinks he Axanar Whooping Cough.  ::beat:: I don’t, but I’m grateful to have the space to myself for a while.

Brell:  Sure.

::He almost made a joke about how everyone knew of his receptionist’s illness from his coughing being audible two sections away. But stopped himself, this was not the time for jokes even ones meant to lighten the tense mood. They stepped into the open suite and he took a seat.::

Stennes:  I owe you an apology.  It was unfair of me to expect you to conform to my own–admittedly parochial–cultural attitudes about relationships.  I hope you can forgive me, and that my issues didn’t cause damage to your marriage.

Brell:  I understood things … well to the extent someone from a very different culture could.  But thank you.

::The truth was his marriage had not been damaged yet. Right now it was only him carrying around guilt. His wife and co-husband would be understandably furious when they find out. The longer it went with them being in the dark about the affair he and Didrik shared the worse that anger would be.::

Stennes:  And I want to apologize for the way I left things.  Yes, my service record says I left Darwin to pursue a qualification at the Academy, but my emotional record says I was running from some personal issues that I didn't want to handle.  And it’s not the first time I’ve done that.

Brell: You have told me of your past. …  I missed you and our times together.

::He did not wish to hurt Didrik’s feelings but he had to be honest with him. They were to be going to different ships in the ATF and while they would see each other whenever they were both at DS26 he was tired of this sneaking around business. He had to ask the Human the question.::  

Brell: So. Where do we go from here? We or I tell my spouses one way or another that consequence cannot be ran from any longer. Not with Lyldra going to DS26 me to Atlantis and you to Blackwell. It would be too easy to keep the lie going and I can’t. oO Not after what happened to me on the Vanquish. Oo  

::He looked into Didrik’s eyes feeling like he just slapped him with an ultimatum of sorts. They had to know it had been over a year since that first kiss on Turisan II. He had never kept something from his spouses this long that was not classified information. Even then Lyldra had higher clearance than he did so they could still discuss those things. He hoped Didrik was ready for all this to become known not sure he really was himself.::

Stennes: I know.  And you shouldn’t have to. What I’m saying is… I don’t think we should go anywhere from here.  For all the reasons you’ve said, and also because… I don’t think I have the same feelings as you do.

Brell:  What do you mean.

::He was happy to hear Didrik agreed that should stop seeing each other romantically, but he wanted to know what he meant about not having the same feelings he did. Working with them for many years, even with getting to know Didrik closely Humans and how they thought still confused him sometimes.::  

Stennes:  While I was back home on Earth.  I had a lot of time to think about my life, and I came to conclusions about a lot of things.

::He still didn’t fully understand just by that statement alone. He did however understand what he meant by thinking about his life. It was close to something he was unsure of how he would tell Didrik.::

Brell: I … understand … You know our last mission I assume? How Shayne, Thomas, and I were captured by the Vanquish? How I was tortured and drugged for information?

Stennes: response

::He hoped he was not making him feel guilty as he asked only in the hope he would not need to explain it all again. He hated talking about being on that interrogation table being jabbed with pain sticks, how felt under the influence of the drug cocktail that caused him to answer questions. He was willing to talk about one part of it now and the memories of all the rest of it were already flooding his mind.::

((Flashbacks - Just over two months ago))

((CSS Vanquish, Brig))

Brell: They knew we would come. The lifeline home is too important to us not to send the Darwin to assist when it finally lost enough satellites to cut us off completely. They had to wait until the Endeavor was well and out of range too or perhaps that was just chance. oO Not if everything Lyldra said is true Raikenoff hates the Darwin. Oo

::His wife’s beautiful face entered his mind and the fear he might never again see her nearly caused his composure to break. Instead, he focused on doing everything he could to keep that face from filling with tears and sorrow upon learning of his death. He would do anything, endure anything not to let that happen. For Lyldra, for Hars for his children he had to survive this.::

((A few minutes later.))

((CSS Vanquish, Interrogation Chamber))

Manyx: You are the commander of engineering, you know the QSD. Tell us and this will end.

Brell: So .. so, you know our personnel. Good for you, we only know of your Captain and have spread the fact he is a wanted man far and wide.

::He didn’t know what he was doing antagonizing his interrogator. It would only lead to enduring more pain. Small price to pay versus telling them anything about the QSD. Did they really think he would give up details on one of the federation's most advanced technologies. Did they expect him to tell them how to remove it from the Darwin step by step, and did they expect a bit of torture would make him do so. Again he thought of Lyldra, Hars, Renu, Linalu and of his nephew Morin, his Mother and Co-fathers, how he missed them all, how profoundly his death could affect them. But he would do it he would rather die than give up information that could endanger them all. Endangered they and all of the people of the federation would be if a villainous organization like the consortium had quantum slipstream technology to sell to the highest bidder.::

Manyx: You know NOTHING blue man, I should kill you now and get another. I am sure one of them has a looser tongue then yours!  

::The worene growled deeply at him, then snarling he held out his claws over him. He took a breath and waited he gathered he was about to be scratched possibly to death. He was ready for it as best as he could be. It would be quick and the number of people who knew how to help them steal the Dawin’s QSD and install it here went down by one. Thomas too would know and he hoped the human too would rather die than see the technology fall into the hands of these vile people. Lyldra would understand and feel he died for a noble cause, she and Hars would be able to raise their children without him . Tears formed in his blueish yellow eyes thinking of his children growing up without him, they would be happy and healthy he knew but would miss out on the love and experiences he would give them. He was vaguely aware of someone entering the room as he attempted to regain composure.::

((And bit later.))

Brell: I … ::Struggling.:: I … think you're despicable.

::More pain as he was lightly tapped with the stick again. He held the image in his mind of his family. Lyldra and Hars holding the twins all smiling an ocean in the background.This was the holoimage on his desk in his engineering side office. They had taken a day trip on the holodeck to Bolarus and had picnicked then played in the water and sands of one of the Rabor archipelago's many beaches. That day had been perfect but remembering It only helped a little, and he had to close his eyes to picture the image.::

Marquess: You have proven yourself to be most resistant to the pain stick. I would expect no less from a Starfleet officer. However I have things to do and accomplish.

::He didn’t know what to make of this. In many ways he had expected to be tortured then thrown back in his cell with the others to be tortured again later after they had done the same to the other members of the away team. He didn’t want that, but he also didn’t like the sound of her being in a hurry either. He struggled to focus on her to see what she was doing all he could tell was that she was no longer holding the pain stick. He took a few deep breaths while he could.::

Marquess: I don’t pretend to understand all these things, but I do know that this has a neurosuppressive  component. ::she waved her hand as if dismissing or wiping away what she said:: In other words it will take away your will to resist.

::His mind raced with fear, as he saw the hypo in her hand. He knew next to nothing about the types of drugs that could be used to make people talk, make people say things they did not wish the person asking to know. He was ready for this to be over but not over due to him revealing starfleet technical secrets.::  

Brell: Even if I told you the shield modulation frequencies we most commonly use it would not matter your transporter beam would be detected. … Even if you somehow beam the drive off the ship it would be incomplete. oO We would be happy to take you home in our brig. Oo

::The woman almost looked like she regretted what she was about to do as she approached him. He pulled at his restraints in vain he could not break them even if he was not in a weakened state.::

Marquess: I am . . . sorry to do this to you but I need this now and there can be no more waiting.

::He winced as she injected the hypo into his neck as if it were some ceremonial dagger. ::

Brell: No..o..o

((Thirty minutes later.))

::Brell did not know what to do next other than wait. Wait until he was either rescued or dragged back to the cell where hopefully he would find Thomas and Shayne still alive. Wait to find out if the Darwin was still out there. Wait to find out which side had won powerless to do anything about it. He could try to sleep but doubted he could as mentally shaken and in physical agony that he was in. He heard movement from outside of the room and did not care who it was or how much it would hurt, he sucked in a good amount of air readying to call out as loudly as he could muster.::

Brell: ::Yelling:: In here! I’m in here!

::He could hear klaxons blaring and the sounds of movement outside got softer.  Lights flashed and a announcement declared their reactor had breached with minutes left to evacuate. He would die here strapped down to a table no one knowing it was him who gave Vanquish’s commander the shields frequencies of the Darwin. Lyldra and Hars would never know what happened to him before this ship exploded, he took small comfort in them not knowing he spent his last few hours in pain enduring torment. The countdown continued updating every matter of seconds that seemed to stretch out intolerably. All he could do is think of everyone he would miss his family and his crewmates. He had served with many of them for sometime and they were like extended members of his family.::

Vanquish: ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ENGINE OVERLOAD IN 30 SECONDS! ENGINE OVERLOAD IN 30 SECONDS! ABANDON SHIP!

Brell: oO Thirty Seconds not so long. Oo

:: Less than a second after his thought someone burst into the room. A man in a blue starfleet uniform .. It was Valdivia! He looked up to him momentarily dumbfounded and then to the straps the Chief Science Officer quickly started to work on releasing his right hand. Brell saw Valdivia was only able to use his left and he couldn’t see the man's other arm from here yet  His mind raced and it felt he had gotten a shot of adrenaline he wanted to ask Valdivia about Shayne and Thomas, and the Darwin and what had happened but there was no time. As soon as his hand had been freed he grasped for the release for the chest strap so that he could bend and help reach the others.::

((End Flashbacks))

::How long would it be before it all came rushing back each time he talked about was a question the counselors he had seen could not answer. He seemed to feel it all over again less each time however this time there was something different to the feeling.::

Brell: When I say I understand It’s because when I was there under all that duress thinking of those I love for strength to get through it … it was, Lyldra, Hars, and my children’s faces I thought of not yours.

::He hoped that did not sound too harsh or overly emotional. He did still care for him, and wanted them to part of each other's lives. He knew some distance may be needed and his spouses’ wishes and feelings would have to be respected once they knew. That was something that had to be done that would leave him feeling worse than he did now.::

Stennes: response

Brell: ::Placing his hand on Didrik’s arm.:: I don’t know how it is for humans but I will always care for you even though we will no longer be romantically involved I hope we can still be close. … as friends. oO Who knew one another as more for a time. Oo    

Stennes: response

LtCmdr Brell, Chief Engineer, Uss Darwin, NCC-99312-A

PotW Co-Facilitator - Training Team - Publicity Team

E239109B10