JP Lieutenant Commanders Lael Rosek & Esa Kiax: Second Time Is (Not) The Charm, Part II
Lael Rosek
((Chief Engineer’s Office, Deck 14, USS Chin’toka))
((Day Three of Shore Leave))
Lael lapsed into silence, studying the far wall thoughtfully for a long moment. Though she had to tell Kiax the truth, she also had to do so carefully. Kiax deserved to know the why of the transmission, but that didn’t mean Lael needed to give up any details that would allow Kellan to be found before she’d secured asylum for him.
Rosek: ::gaze turns to Kiax:: The message you intercepted was for my twin brother. ::pauses:: He’s found himself in a bit of trouble and had sent a message asking big sister to get him someplace safe.
Kiax: I see… Most people don’t encrypt messages to their family to that extent though...
Rosek: ::nods:: The heavy encryption was to protect him in case those looking for him intercepted the message. It’s a system he and I have been using since we were kids, though obviously the encryptions have gotten more complex as we got older.
Kiax: If he’s guilty of something that would force a pursuit, is it really wise to be bringing him here? That would only draw us into a conflict of interest...
Rosek: ::shakes her head:: Nothing like that. It’s guilt by association. Our father has been accused of treason and the Al-Leyan Council is intent on lumping Kell and myself in as accessories. ::grins unamusedly:: The problem is I’m protected both by my Federation membership and my position as a Starfleet officer. Besides which they don’t have a leg to stand on. I don’t have what they’re looking for.
Al-Leyan internal politics were something of an enigmatic concept to Esa. Ishka had attempted to explain the concept of why monogamy was considered bad on multiple occasions, and by extension why her relationship with Toryn could land her in trouble. She still didn’t understand. In her mind, she reasoned it as trying to explain what the colour red is to someone who’d been blind their whole life. She hadn’t lived in, grown up with, or experienced Al-Leyan culture in any way, so how was she to understand it?
This was the second time that an interaction with Lael hadn’t exactly started off on the right foot. Esa wasn’t intentionally trying to be a horrible person, but every time they’d had a conversation she’d ended up looking like a right… Well… Some words were better left unnarrated. She’d called an Admiral that word once and it probably hadn’t done her any favours.
Kiax: I’m… sorry.
Her expression softened and she studied the woman for a long moment. The apology perplexed her as she’d only seen an officer performing their duty.
Rosek: Why? You’ve done nothing wrong.
Kiax: It’s just every time we talk I seem to be at your throat, or accusing you of something… I just thought I’d apologise. Of all the people who work on this ship, our departments have the biggest crossover. It wouldn’t be very helpful if there were any bad blood between us…
Lael paused for a long moment, thinking back on her long career. She’d never been one to apologize unless it was truly necessary. She was of the mindset that words meant nothing if they weren’t backed by action. Instead, she would acknowledge the mistake and actively work not to make it again. She returned her attention to the woman in front of her.
Rosek: I appreciate your apology. But it’s not necessary. You were doing your duty. ::pauses:: I commend you, Esa. It takes great courage to do what you did, especially when it concerns an experienced officer. You didn’t mince words and I respect you for that.
She took another drink of her tea.
Rosek: I want you to approach me when you feel I’m doing something that is not in the best interests of the Federation or this ship. If you genuinely believe I’m not fulfilling the oath I took, it is your duty to say something. If you’d be more comfortable addressing concerns with the Captain or Commander Serala, I’ll understand. But know that my door is always open.
Lael studied Kiax for a long moment and rose, heading toward the replicator.
Rosek: As for your concerns about our working relationship, why don’t we resolve that by getting better acquainted. ::motions to the replicator:: Would you like a drink?
That wasn’t such a bad suggestion…
Kiax: oO A passing familiarity doth not a friendship make… Oo
Kiax: Sure. Could I get a glass of cranberry juice, please?
An amused smile crossed Lael’s lips as she ordered the drink from the computer as well as a second Al-Leyan spiced tea--her special brew--since her first was nearly gone and had grown cold. She then returned to where Esa sat, drinks in hand, and offered the woman the cranberry juice.
Taking a moment to return her own empty mug to the replicator, she rejoined Esa, sliding into the chair beside her desk. She tucked one ankle behind the other and fixed the woman with a curious glance.
Rosek: So. Tell me about yourself. How long have you been serving in Starfleet?
Esa took the drink and shifted back in her chair, assuming a more relaxed position. She held the tall, thin glass by the base and rotated it around, staring at the crimson liquid.
Kiax: A little over two years. Class of 2395. It's been a hell of a ride so far… How about you?
Rosek: ::grins:: Six amazing, crazy years. Well, six this February. ::shakes her head:: There was a time I thought I wouldn’t see that first solid pip. It was a hell of a first couple of years for me. I was damn lucky to make Cadet Second Class.
Esa thought back to her time at the Academy. Comparatively speaking they were much simpler times, but she didn’t often find herself longing after them. Sure, they may have been simpler, but that life seemed a great deal further away than two years.
Kiax: Sounds like you had it rough. My Academy stay was docile compared to what I’ve been dealing with out here, since I first stepped foot on Atlantis.
Rosek: Was Atlantis your first assignment?
Kiax: Yeah. I did a couple of weeks or so on the Tiwanaku while I was on my way back from my joining on Trill, but officially I’ve been with the same crew my whole career.
Rosek: ::smiles and nods:: Impressive. Mine was the Victory. She was a royal mess when I first came aboard. Are you familiar with the Luxis III incident?
Esa took a sip of her juice and thought for a moment. The name certainly rang a bell, but she couldn’t place where.
Kara: oO That was the one where some spatial anomalies almost had the Victory burning up in the atmosphere. I remember it well. It was all over the Colony News Net… Oo
Kiax: I read about it in an FNS bulletin while I was at the Academy. Something about an anomaly wrecking the ship...
Rosek: ::nods:: Well, I arrived just after that. At the time, myself and Cory Stoyer were the ranking officers in the Engineering department. ::chuckles and shakes her head:: I had to jury-rig a replicator in my quarters just to get a hot meal. The systems and software were fried. I only have a passing knowledge of what ensued before I got there, but it looked like the ship had been in a hell of a fight.
Kiax: Man… that sounds mental. The worst I’ve ever had was when Atlantis got jumped in the Jenatris Cloud by a Consortium ship. Blew one of our nacelles clean off in their opening salvo, then booked it out. We were dead in the water for a while, before managing to limp back to DS26… We still had replicators, light and heat though. She was a tough little ship…
A wistful, almost nostalgic expression passed over her face as she reminisced. It all seemed so long ago… How happy she was. Not like these days, where happiness came in short supply, in between extended bouts of sadness and self-loathing. A lump threatened to form in her throat, prompting a sharp clear followed by a quick gulp of juice. Esa pinched the bridge of her nose to stop any stray tears.
Lael sombered. She knew that the original Atlantis crew had been attached to the vessel, but she sensed something deeper with Esa. A sadness that went beyond missing a home. Though she didn’t want to pry, she felt it would be insensitive not to at least inquire about Esa’s well-being.
Rosek: Are you all right?
Esa waved her hand, dismissively, as if trying to bat the question away.
Kiax: Yeah, fine. Just tired.
Lael nodded, respecting the woman’s privacy. When she was upset about something, the last thing she wanted was people sticking their noses in. She much preferred to process before speaking to anyone. Chythar was the only one who’d ever gotten away with it. But then, that was likely in large part due to their psionic connection. He often already knew exactly what was bothering her and how she felt about it. One advantage to their bond, she supposed.
Rosek: ::nods:: It’s been a busy few days, that’s for certain. ::grins unamusedly:: I’m glad Lephi is being taken care of, but it makes me appreciate just how much she truly does down here. I’ll be glad when the docs clear her.
Kiax: ::Teasingly:: Never miss them until they’re gone, huh? Whatever would you do without such a capable assistant?
Rosek: ::smiles:: Oh, I’ve had periods without an Assistant Chief and I survived. But Lephi is truly one of a kind. ::smiles impishly:: She’ll make a great Chief someday.
Kiax: Of that, I have no doubt. She's definitely got what it takes, and with you pointing her in the right direction she'll be there in no time. What about you though? Plan on staying in yellow for the foreseeable?
Rosek: ::smirks:: I have my own aspirations, I suppose. As much as I love being down here in the bowels, I do miss the red collar. It might be a bit in coming, but once Lephi is ready for it, I’m considering talking to Captain Mei’konda about taking the mission specialist position if it’s still not filled.
Esa had to admit, the role of Mission Specialist was a bit of an odd one. Never pinned to one specific job… A bit like Ops, she supposed. The thought of being considered an expert in mission planning and execution did seem appealing, especially if it meant flexing all the different talents Starfleet had equipped her with. Still, Lael certainly seemed like a good fit. She seemed to have a lot in common with Toryn in that regard.
Kiax: Can't imagine it was easy giving up the XO spot when the Astraeus was mothballed… I was left in charge of the bridge for the first time a few days ago. Gotta admit, it was weird being responsible for the whole ship…
Weird, and incredibly daunting. Her first stint had ended up with what everyone had thought was a leak, which though she was glad it was now resolved, in a manner of speaking, still terrified her. The prospect of something going horrifically wrong on her first real day in command was not a great feeling to have.
The mention of the Astraeus resulted in a tug in her chest. It had been much more complicated than Esa was making it sound. Her official position had been a change of scenery, but a couple members of the brass had been more than aware of why she’d opted to step down. Her mental health had been at stake and she’d needed to take care of the issue before it presented further complications. She’d been in no state to continue serving as the first officer of a starship.
As tempted as she was to correct Esa’s impression, she let it stand. The last thing she needed was the woman insisting on an explanation of why she’d willingly step away from such a prestigious posting. She just wasn’t ready for that yet.
Rosek: ::smirks:: Looking to get back to that chair, then?
Kiax: I'm not sure. I never thought I'd have command aspirations, but I walked off that duty shift with an experience that put a lot into perspective.
She smiled, recalling her own moments in the Captain’s chair. It had been both one of the most stressful and most exhilarating experiences of her life. Perhaps she’d been too cocky and had allowed the power to go to her head. But she’d had an amazing team to help bring her back to reality and to ensure Lenik’s plans had failed.
Kiax: ::Jokingly:: Maybe one day. Captain Esa Kiax does have a nice ring to it, don't you think? ::She paused, collecting her thoughts, before adopting a more sombre tone.:: I have a lot of things to work out myself, before I'm ready for that though.
Lael nodded solemnly, thinking of her own faults. She’d been young and brazen when she’d had her first real moment in that chair. Looking back, there were a number of things that she’d do differently. But overall, she wouldn’t trade what happened with Lenik for anything. Despite what it had cost her in the end, it had also taught her some very important things about herself and about the weight of command.
She’d aged a good deal mentally and intellectually since that day and strived to keep her emotions in check, determined not to let her pride get her or others around her killed.
Rosek: ::smiles wanly:: Seems you’re on your way, though.
Kiax: It might seem that way at first glance, but I... Uh… I don't deal with loss very well. Quite badly, in fact.
In her short time in the universe, Esa had experienced a great deal of loss in a very short space of time. To the point where it had almost broken her spirit completely. Fortunately for her, the experiences of her six previous hosts with death had helped her to come to terms with it. Enough to tackle each day as it came, at least.
Lael saw something in the other woman’s eyes that she could connect with. The look of someone who had borne more than their share of grief and loss. The weight of Lael’s guilt might have destroyed a less determined person. Thank God she was so stubborn.
Her mother had told her the last time they’d spoken that her stubbornness kept her alive and fighting. She’d never really seen it that way. The choice had been either move past the pain or give in to it. The latter had never really been an option for her. She had too many people counting on her to walk away.
Rosek: ::pauses:: I don’t think anyone deals well with it. But everyone makes a choice. I choose not to let it be a barrier. I’ve devoted my life to helping those who can’t help themselves. I would be dishonoring everything that I’ve been raised to believe to do otherwise. As long as there are people who need help, I’ll give my all to helping them.
Esa looked a little sheepish. She didn’t really have any such dedications in her life… Thus far all she’d been concerned about was getting to the point in her life where she could say she was truly happy. Maybe that happiness didn’t come from helping herself, rather, it came from helping others. Esa couldn’t say that she did an awful lot of that… Perhaps it was time to start...
Rosek: As the Klingons say, “QamvISHeghqaq law' torvISyInqaqpuS.”
Kiax: Forgive me… ::Esa chuckled.:: I don’t speak Klingon to any degree of competency.
Rosek: ::smiles wanly:: Better to die on our feet than to live on our knees.
Esa considered her point for a moment. Her depression wasn’t to the point where she was being brought to her knees, and it definitely wasn’t getting in the way of her work - but it could be said that she was being held hostage by the past. Maybe in order to truly move on all she had to do was let go of all that. Forgive Maddi for leaving and move on. Find someone else…
Korrul: oO Well it certainly wouldn’t be a bad idea. Oo
Kiax: Wise words indeed. ::Beat:: This might sound like an odd question, but are you… Happy?
Lael considered the question for a long moment. Though she’d made sacrifices with regard to her career, she honestly wouldn’t change the outcome. She had an adopted daughter she adored and a man she loved more than life itself. She’d spent years convinced that nothing would ever come of her non-platonic feelings for her best friend.
But finally, a time had come when they were both single and had reached a point where they’d overcome the fear of the future. No matter what happened tomorrow or the day after, Chythar’s love today was more than enough for them to face it together.
Rosek: ::smiles:: My life’s far from perfect. But yes. I’m very happy. Possibly the happiest I’ve ever been. ::pauses:: Are you happy, Esa?
Kiax: I don’t know. I’ve spent so long searching, and tried so many different things, in pursuit of happiness, only to be met with crushing defeats and sadness. My accomplishments in Starfleet make me proud, but I don’t know whether they make me happy…
Rosek: ::sombers:: As someone who has spent their entire adult life chasing after ribbons, awards, and pips...a career is important and gives you a sense of purpose. But it shouldn’t define you. It’s the people around you who helped you get there. Pips are nice, but who will be there to catch you when everything goes to $&!^? Without people to have your back, that command chair will feel pretty empty.
An enlightened look fell across Esa’s face. It wasn’t deeds or achievements she needed to feel happy. It was people; connecting with people and building friendships, forging relationships between her shipmates. In doing all these things, she never felt happier, more at ease. Even when the conversation inevitably turned to the pain and hurt she’d experienced in her relatively short lifetime, it was the people who were there for her that helped her back to the cheerful side of her persona.
Kiax: I… I think I understand. ::She began to grin and laugh.:: All this time I thought it was something I had to do for myself, but it’s not that at all, is it? It’s everyone else. Being around them, experiencing what we do together… That’s what makes me happy.
She finished off the last of her cranberry juice and placed the glass carefully down on the desk.
Kiax: Thanks… I know it’s not your job, being a counsellor to wrecks like me, but I enjoyed our talk. It really helped me. So, thank you.
Rosek: ::lays a hand on Esa’s shoulder and smiles:: On the contrary, Esa. That’s one of the perks of my job. I’m happy to help.
Kiax: I know we didn’t get off on the best of feet, but… ::She shuffled slightly.:: I’d like to do this again sometime… Maybe even do something together? You know… as friends?
Rosek: ::grins and nods:: I’d like that very much, Esa.
----
Lieutenant Commander Lael Rosek, Eng.D.
Chief Engineer
USS Chin'toka, NCC-97187
I238110RH0
&
Lieutenant Commander Esa Kiax
Chief Operations Officer
USS Chin’toka – NCC 97187
Community History Team Member
A239511ED0