Lt. Cmdr. Lhandon Nilsen - Goodbye
Lhandon Nilsen
((The Celestial Temple Pub, Deep Space 14))
The question came along. Things should have been looking up for Eli and Lhandon, with a new posting for Eli on the Thor, and the accepted offer of second officer for Lhandon. Lhandon had just returned from Amity Outpost where he had spent the past few months working with the FDC (Federation Diplomatic Corps). The experience for his career was a boon that would serve him well, and one he was grateful for.
They sat together, opposite each other in the Celestial Temple Pub. It's dark oak wood and general murmur of conversation were always attractive to Lhandon; it was a good place to meet friends, and the beer and food were always great. It was a place Lhandon was glad Eli had picked. Considering how quickly and out of schedule Lhandon had to return to the OEB, and how little time he had to get ready for his new second officer role, it was good to pick somewhere that had no expectations so that they could just talk.
And they did.
Lhandon asked when Eli's transfer was, and it was to be next week. He then commented that it would make them long-distance and asked Eli what he wanted to do... but as soon as those two big words came out of his mouth, he knew perhaps what he had realized on the USS Shelby on the way back.
He told Eli that he loved him so much and that he would have transferred, but then the promise he made to Eli came up... duty first, and that duty was the second officer role. He wasn't able to say no to that. Eli said, perhaps somewhat returning the conversation back to them, that he'd be unable to steal Lhandon away from the Butler that often, and Lhandon nodded, and it felt like there was only one other way forward.
Nilsen: I don't think I can. Maybe it's better if we erm…Maybe…erm…We park it?
The OEB was home, not the Thor. The Thor was not his place; it was the place of an alternate version of Lhandon, but not this one. He hated the words as they stuttered out of his mouth. His entire being felt like it wanted to cry out and take those words back or call out "end program" on this holonovel and find Eli right there waiting for him.
Kovacs: Park… as in pause?
Lhandon nodded. It might have been the kind thing to do, or at least it didn't feel like the kind thing for Lhandon to do. He'd always been the driving force in the relationship, the one to chase things, to push things forward and to start things. It was Lhandon who had asked Eli if he wanted to go on a date, and it was Lhandon who had asked Eli if he wanted to be his boyfriend, and then Lhandon again asking him to move in, and now it was Lhandon, asking to park it.
Kovacs: I think… ::a hitch in his voice:: perhaps we need to call it.
But it was Eli who took it to the end. He was right, Lhandon knew that Eli was right, it was time to bring the relationship to an end, at that point, where things could be as kind and as painless as possible.
He knew a little bit about Eli's parents and their long-distance relationship, and while he knew Eli might be prepared for that, Lhandon knew he wasn't compatible with long distance. Lhandon tried to speak more but the words failed him, he wanted to tell him that it was okay, that it was "me and not you" regardless of how clichéd that might sound.
Nilsen: Yeah, I think…yeah
His breath was short and he saw that Eli had started to cry. He almost shuddered at the thought of it, how dare he'd made Eli cry.
Kovacs: Um ::sniffing, wiping his face, standing up:: I need to go.
Eli stood up and Lhandon felt a hundred thousand regrets about this ending, but he knew it was the right thing.
He'd known it since March.
Nilsen: yeah, erm…Thank you, for everything, you’re amazing.
That wasn't what he wanted his last words to be. No, that was a good thing to say, but it wasn't right... He hadn't known what he wanted to say, but it had felt so wrong.
Kovacs: Thank you, Lhandon.
He wanted to run after him just like he wished Eli had run after him at the beach, but just like that day, he stayed where he was. He saw Eli leave the pub and his jaw quivered. Quietly, just to himself with a wish Eli would turn back around, he said.
Nilsen: I love you.
[End scene for Nilsen.]
Lieutenant Commander Lhandon Joseph Nilsen
Second Officer & Senior Diplomatic Officer
USS Octavia E Butler
O240007LN1
He/Him/His (Both player and character)