Lt JG Elijah Kovacs: Cowardice
Mark P
((The Celestial Temple Pub, Deep Space 14))
Eli had felt a weight lift off his chest as he shared the news of his transfer to the Thor. What he hadn’t been expecting was that Lhandon already knew. The conversation naturally shifted to the next logical question: when.
Kovacs: Officially, next week. But they’ve indicated that they needed more help than they expected, so they’re trying to advance the date or at least split my time until then.
Nilsen: That will…make us long distance…so, what do you want to do?
Long distance.
Had they been on a planet, like Earth, where they could simply use transporters to make the physical distance seem less so. But the Thor was going to be stationed in the Syren Hinterreach. The ship had been chosen for its slipstream drive so that it could traverse long distances, which meant that it was safe to assume meeting back up on DS14 or on each other’s ship was a rarity.
He’d debated asking the man to come with him, to rekindle the small spark that had emerged during their double date turned horror show. It was a life- and career-altering decision; would he feel trapped should things not pan out the way he’d intended, stuck on the same boat, and perhaps not willing to leave.
As Eli continued to think through the options and implications, letting the quiet soak between them, Lhandon continued speaking.
Nilsen: I love you so much, you know I do. I was so close to asking to transfer with you, but… (voice dropping) …then the second officer role was offered to me.
Well, all that mental hand-wringing for nothing. Relief flooded the junior lieutenant, and then a broad smile crept across his face.
Kovacs: And..?
Nilsen: It's like you said, and the promise we made to each other. Duty first. I said yes.
Kovacs: Congratulations, Lieutenant Commander Lhandon Nilsen, second officer of the USS Octavia E. Butler.
He raised his glass in a congratulatory manner, tilting it and his head, followed by a sip. He reflected on his parents, a pair of admirals who seemed to have made the far-flung distances work; his childhood suffered for it.
As the quiet settled back in, the engineer rounded the discussion back to the pair of them.
Kovacs: I doubt you’d be able to steal away from the Butler that often then.
Nilsen: I don't think I can. Maybe it's better if we erm…Maybe…erm…We park it?
Kovacs: Park… as in pause?
The word felt uncomfortable. Despite the sluggish momentum of his career compared to his peers, Eli always wanted to feel like he was moving forward, and this felt more like avoiding the issue than dealing with it. His expression flattened as he felt a hollow space start to form in his chest.
Long-distance relationships needed a lot of work and motivation to keep them alive, a full-blown blaze, not an ember. So, this was it. With Lhandon’s expressiveness, he’d expected an argument to have ended things instead. Instead of a bang, it was a whimper.
Kovacs: I think… ::a hitch in his voice:: perhaps we need to call it.
And there it was, the final death knell. He felt an unexpected tear roll down his face, and then another, until the floodgates had opened.
Eli regretted having this conversation in such a public place, his emotions on display for anyone to see. His cheeks burned from the embarrassment.
Nilsen: Response
The terran backed away. He was barely maintaining what little composure he had left and wasn’t about to become a broken mess here.
Kovacs: Um ::sniffing, wiping his face, standing up:: I need to go.
Nilsen: Response
He took a long, last look at Nilsen, eyes welling up with more tears and then turned away. Just like on the beach, he wanted to say more, do more, try more. What was the right move here? As he turned away, he felt like a coward. A clean break was easier than trying to navigate their current situation.
Kovacs: Thank you, Lhandon.
He stopped himself from that cliche of ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’ Before his now-not other could do anything, should he even want to, Eli turned away and made his way to the exit, tears continuing to pour. He’d asked the chief to consider getting him off the ship faster, not sure he could handle the risk of a potential run-in.
[End scene (and posting) for Kovacs]
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Lieutenant JG Elijah Kovacs
Engineering Officer
USS Octavia E Butler
O240005JH3
he/him/his (player/character)