Lieutenant Zi Nijal: Uncertainty

[Tony Colella]

(( 8-Forward, USS Octavia E. Butler ))

Despite the comfortable flow of the conversation, Zi hadn't asked the counselor to meet her just to shoot the wind, as many of the human engineers she'd worked with were fond of saying. Again, the unofficial-that-might-be-official...

Nijal: I was hoping that we could have (beat) a conversation.

Mother stars, she was certainly beating around the hedge. Counselor Stendhal nearly choked on her drink, and Zi sighed. Just come out with it.

Stendhal: Certainly, which stars around the bushes are you referring to? Is an idiom or is it a real saying?

Zi blinked for a moment, unsure what to say. Of course, the counselor was mostly Betazoid, and even without knowing Zi, she was sure that Stendhal was able to pick up on Zi's stray thoughts. It wouldn't be difficult, since despite her tea, Zi was fairly close to collapsing into a quantum singularity powered solely by anxiety.

Nijal: I, um, think it might be a me thing. Or a human thing, really, but I think I was wrong about what it is, exactly...

Quit while you're ahead, Zi. Quite while you're ahead!

Stendhal: Oh, yes, now I see, thank you. You know, idioms have a way of tripping me up, even with telepathy.

That Zi could certainly identify with, and a weak smile managed to make its way out. That broke the dam.

Nijal: I tried to pick up idioms from the other engineers when I was a cadet and a young officer. Humans and Tellarites both have a lot of them! But I can never seem to get them quite right. (beat) Actually, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.

But she paused there, uncertain how to continue. Or, rather, she was quite certain, but even after using the segue, she still managed to bring herself up short.

Stendhal: I'm sorry, please continue. What would you like to talk about? I'm happy to help! I've been a bit scattered-brained lately. A bit of a rant if it make sense.

As if to underscore this point, the counselor gave a mighty twitch, and Zi might've asked what was wrong -- but at Stendhal's invitation, she had already been prodded into speaking, and she couldn't stop herself now.

Nijal: It does, I think. And what I wanted to talk about was, is, me. I don't know that I'm happy doing what I'm doing, as a mission specialist. I thought Commodore V'Airu had some plan when she appointed me, but then we all moved over to the Butler, and I haven't been sure what I should be doing, or what I want to be doing, or even if I want to keep wearing this uniform.

All the thoughts Zi had been holding back since her promotion came pouring out. She stared down at her tea, since it was easier to look down at that rather than at the counselor.

Nijal: I'm sorry for dumping this all on you unofficially. I'm afraid that if we talked officially that you'd have to report this, if I'm too compromised for duty.

Stendhal: Response

Zi grimaced. She'd invited Stendhal, who seemed perfectly nice, for a drink and a conversation, and then emotionally vomited all over her.

Nijal: I'm sorry about all this. I shouldn't have done it.

Stendhal: Response

At the same time, though, Zi hoped that the counselor could tell some of what she still wasn't able to articulate, and some of the deep well of uncertainty and discord behind what Zi had managed to say.

Tags! and TBC!

--

Lieutenant Zimedia Nijal

Mission Specialist

USS Octavia E. Butler

V238208LV0

she/her/hers (this character) & he/him/his (player)