JP - Lt Toxin Arlill, LtJG Lhandon Nilsen - Hot & Cold
Toxin Arlill
((Operations Centre, Lower Level, Deck 7, USS Octavia E Butler, Above the I-Kiyo Ring))
Lhandon had forgiven the prior moment Toxin had had before the mission, the one where he didn't like the food Lhandon offered, and Lhandon later lost his temper after Toxin left. He had had some time to cool down before the next mission started, and realized that perhaps it was his own fault. Then the mission on the Unity Dow which followed was much more important, and that day drifted away to the forgotten recesses of Lhandon's memory.
While the mission to recover the Dow and find out what happened to the ship was successful, it wasn’t without cost. All the members of Toxin’s away team had suffered an injury in one form or another, and they had a unhealthy dose of radiation.
But something else had happened on that mission, something that to Lhandon was far worse then an injury.
The rift between Lhandon and Toxin had become a casim, no longer were they doing the morning briefings over coffee and smiling, they were now serious. No longer where they spending time together outside of work. The two no long moved in the same circles.
This brought sadness to Lhandon, he felt heavy inside, like something was pulling on his heart, his movements were slower but he had found an opportunity to maybe put it right, to find out what he had done wrong and the fix it.
He was working in the Operations Centre when he was summoned to Toxins office. He walked in with a smile, willing today, to be his day.
((Chief of Operations Office, Operations Center - Upper Level, Deck 6, USS Octavia E Butler))
Toxin found himself a mountain of “paperwork” after the last mission … he wasn’t a fan of the logistics division of Starfleet, even though Ops played an integral part in that division’s responsibilities. The paper work would have been enough to put him in a bad mood, but…
Something about the last mission here
That wasn’t all, there was another thing gnawing at him that he’d hadn’t yet addressed with Lt Nilsen, the Chey’d mission
When Toxin had returned from his away mission to liberate the slaves he found his Ops Center was being used as a welcome mat rather than it’s truest intentions. He didn’t mind visitors, and he expected there to be some time to time, but he also expected so level of being informed at the very least, being asked permission at the most. Toxin felt there were three people on the ship, other than himself, that could grant permission for us of Ops for anything other than operations. Those three people were the CO, XO, and Lhandon, and even Lhandon he expected some heads up when that was the purpose.
The paperwork was finally getting overwhelming and not for it’s tedious nature but something else was also eating at him, Lhandon’s forwardness about Ops. Some days Toxin felt like Lhandon’s second in command, and while it wasn’t in his nature to really get jealous, he did feel bypassed a bit, and that bothered him.
Toxin just summoned Lhandon to his office. The man who stood in front of him was different. Different than the man he’d first ran into, literally, when he first came on board.
Nilsen: Sup
Arlill: Lhandon
Lhandon seemed to be in a chipper mood, although later Nilsen will admit that he forced it. Seeing Lhandon happy should have made Toxin happy, to see his tormented friend finally finding happiness, his place amongst the ranks, but happiness is not what came to him.
Nilsen: You wanted to see me.
Arlill: I did, thank you.
An silence between the two. Lhandon wanted to fill the silence so bad, but he remembered something Martison taught him, let them speak first. Don’t give away the farm.
Toxin felt like Lhandon was playing another one of his games he knew all too well and he had no plan to roll into it this time. He’d hoped that Nilsen had grown up but his silence proved otherwise, Henri was right.
This was unlike Lhandon. He wanted to share everything with Toxin—what he had been up to, what he had been learning in diplomacy, the fact that he had a boyfriend now—all news you should be excited to share.
Nilsen: So erm…what did you want to talk about? You know I’m here for you!
Toxin rubbed his face with both hands and sighed deeply. He had no need for Lhandon to be here with all his emotions, he just needed his Asst. Chief to pay attention.
Arlill: I needed to speak to you about outsiders visiting our OC.
It took Lhandon a second to register what Toxin was talking about it.
Nilsen: Yeah, I’m pretty proud of that, the representative from the UDP were in the OC, the negotiations brought them here, and they coordinated with our own people during the operation.
There was little bit of pride there, and yet it was tempered. Toxin didn’t speak afterwards, instead perhaps playing the same game as Lhandon.
Nilsen: It was a good day for all concerned.
Then another pause between them and Lhandon couldn’t follow Martinson’s advice anymore.
Nilsen: Is there something wrong Tox?
Arlill: Who approved them accessing Ops?
Nilsen: I did, you gave me that authority
Arlill: I realize that ::he slightly snapped and took a breath:: I would have appreciated being informed before their visit. (beat) There’s a lot going on in ops at any given time that might be of a sensitive nature.
Lhandon was surprised by the snap, even if it was minor, but it was enough, and Nilsen could feel months of progress with his anger slipping away.
Nilsen: I would have ::he spoke hesitantly:, but you were in the mine and I was working on the diplomatic side of things, we couldn’t wait. Believe me, I made sure that there nothing we didn't want them to see on display.
Arlill: You think I loop you in on everything?
Lhandon was caught off guard by the question, and he thought hard about what to say next. Arlill’s response finnaly gave him something that he can point and say this had been bugging him.
He tried to recall Salo's advice and keep control of his emotions.
Nilsen: You…you do keep me in the dark. More then before.
He had hoped this chat wouldn't be going in the direction his gut said it was going in.
Lhandon had been feeling in the dark recently. The computer had been locking him out, Toxin had been taking tasks he was accustomed to.
Arlill: There are requests made of ops that are above your pay grade Lieutenant (beat) Junior Grade.
Toxin realized he had taken that one a bit too far as soon as it came out of his mouth, but he also felt like he couldn’t back track without seeming weak or flawed and in that moment, his mood wasn’t ready to show weakness.
At that moment, Lhandon stood up straight and as he replied, he felt their brotherhood, their friendships fall apart, two simple words seemed to snuff it out.
Nilsen: Yes sir.
Toxin saw a bit of Lhandon’s old self appear and he feared he was pushing this out of him, but he’d seen, over the past few weeks, a very confident, almost slightly over confident Lhandon reemerge and he was worried he’d sink back into his former self.
Arlill: Cut that out.
Nilsen: Cut what out?
Arlill: The old sarcastic tones, they’re not necessary.
Nilsen: Permission to speak freely sir
Arlill: When has it ever stopped you?
Lhandon was almost taken aback by this bluntness. He almost didn’t know Toxin had it in him and he’d be cheering for Arlill, if this was any other circumstance
Nilsen: When you made me your assistant, your number one so to speak, you gave me authority to make these decisions. Is that not what you want me to do? ::beat:: Sir.
Lhandon wasn't angry. He was fuming. His heart was sinking; he didn't rage, instead he was calm, or rather he appeared calm, the only thing betraying that was the sir at the end of the sentence to punctuate the sentence.
Arlill: That’s exactly it, you strut around the OC as if you own it. You might have been part of it’s origins but you’re not in charge here and you need to stop questioning my orders.
Nilsen: I’m not ::searching for the words;; I’ve never questioned you. The whole point of the OC was to make working with others easier and to work with others. Without it, ops goes back into working in the broom closet.
Arlill: And I have no intention of making it anything less!
Ok, even Toxin felt the anger welling up in him, he wasn’t a violent or angry sort, but he could become impassioned when something mattered a lot to him.
Nilsen: And if it helps temper you, the other diplomatic group started their discussion on the bridge, an even more sensitive area of the ship ::beat:: Sir.
Lhandon couldn’t understand What did Toxin not get? Lhandon had just achieved something awesome in the mission. He was one of the first people to sit down with the UDP and hammer out an agreement, he felt like he could see his potential was on show yet here he was, getting told off. Yet again, but not by an authority figure this, rather, the man he calls his big brother from another mother.
Arlill: And do you think you were ready for that level of diplomacy? You’re hardly past your punch first ask questions later phase.
With that Toxin felt like he’d taken it a step too far and immediately felt remorse.
But Lhandon didn’t feel that remorse. He saw red but didn't yell, he didn't raise his voice, nor was he professional. He continued to speak with a suppressed rage, and mentally planned his way out. He wondered if a certain marine was off duty. Maxwell could certainly help him work out the anger.
Arlill: I mean, you couldn’t get timing right in Unity engineering, you got emotional when we were all about to die, how do you expect to read the room when you’re diplomat!
Nilsen: Emotional??? Tox, you were there too. We saw our worst nightmares, and you want me to be as cold as Vulcan.
He paused for a second as his jaw clenched as he fought to maintain his composure, the tension visible in the tightness of his shoulders. He looked up towards the celling out of exasperation and shook his head Lhandon. His eyes were a storm of conflicting emotions - frustration, hurt, and a desperate need to be understood what the hell had gotten into Toxin. He took a deep breath, steadying himself before speaking again.
Nilsen: Then tell me, what is my role?
Yet as he tried to steady himself, his voice instead raised.
Nilsen: Because you’re keeping me dark. Define it sir. Do you want me to go above and beyond, to be the ::beat:: number one to you, or do you want me to just go yes sir and stay in my lane?
Arlill: I want you to stop being black and white! ::he yelled and looked towards the glass wall of his office overlooking the OC operations area.::
Reaching down he pressed a button on a rectangular surface control on his desk and the window went opaque. He took a deep breath. The bright lights from outside were dulled and the room seemed to lose it’s colour.
Arlill: Listen.. ::cut off::
Nilsen: Black and white??? You’re not even listening to me, you haven't been for weeks..
Arlill: ::snapping:: No you listen, you’ve had your chance to speak, now it’s my time. (beat) ::recomposing himself:: You have been black or white since you first came aboard the Oumuamua, you’re either hot or your cold, ready to punch or ready to hug, ops can’t be like that, it’s gotta be a balance of it all, the good, the bad, and everything in between.
Toxin stopped for a moment to let it sink in, both for himself and Lhandon. He didn’t ask Lhandon in to rip him a new one, but it quickly had descended towards that. Lhandon walked from his spot as Toxin spoke and looked at the now opaque window, hiding that those words got to him, he bit his lip, gave himself a second and when Toxin finished talking, he spoke;
Nilsen: Well I’m fracking trying. The only place on this ship I spend more time in the OC is Salo’s fracking office. At least she listens in there
Arlill: I’m listening.
Lhandon was still angry, and all the things he’d been meaning to talk about were coming out.
Nilsen: Look, I've stood by your side through all this, I ain't going anywhere, but all of this crap is making it harder for me to do so. Ever since you've got this office, it doesn't feel like you're one of us anymore.
Without realizing it. Lhandon proved Toxin’s point. He was hot right now, ready to punch.
Nilsen: And then, on the Dow, you said to Caras, that I was here because of a circumstance of convenience, and not to do with my skill or what I’ve been trying to.
Arlill: Well maybe you need a break.
He said this with a level of certainty and directive, rather than inquiry and concern. The calmness had almost disarmed Lhandon.
Nilsen: What? No I just you to let me do my job.
Arlill: I dunno, you tell me how long you need.
Nilsen: ::scoffing:: I don’t need a break.
Toxin took a deep breath, this conversation hadn't been going the way he envisioned it, honestly he wasn't even sure how he'd envisioned it in the first place. Only after he became a senior officer did he recognize a certain animosity that grew within him, an animosity for constantly watching out for Lhandon's temper, he's over exuberance, his personal relationship quarrels, he wondered if this made him a bad friend, analyzing everything Lhandon was doing or if it made him a better one.
Arlill: Maybe I need a break. (beat) ::sitting down and looking at his hands folded before him:: I was eager to have you be my second, we were so harmonious, so in sync, that it made sense for you to take that position. (beat) ::a tear formed on his eye:: that may have been a mistake.
Nilsen: Tox…I…
Arlill: Please ::holding his hand in front of him:: I haven't had time to discover myself as a leader, I've only been Lhandon and Toxin, not Lieutenant Toxin. (beat) I'm going to reassign you to Gamma shift for the next month. You will be in charge, but I will leave orders for the Gamma shift to complete.
The tear now ran down his cheek.
Nilsen: Gamma shift?…You…we won’t…
Arlill: No ::he said sternly, taking a breath and then softer: No, that's not a request, it's an order Lhandon. (beat) dismissed.
Lhandon responded with a single quiet word that seeked to shatter the bonds of brotherhood that had been forged between them.
Nilsen: Sir.
He turned his back and exited the office. He didn’t speak to anyone as he left the OC but the cloud of anger, depression and regret seemed to emanate from around him.
While others in the OC hadn’t heard what was happening, they saw enough before the glass was frosted over and as Lhandon was leaving to infer that something had happened between the two. The OC went quiet for the first time since the OEB was launched and the only sound that occurred after this was the dropping of a PADD from a petty officer.
Henri: oO That was rough (beat) but you did the right thing. He would just keep chipping away at your authority, if he’s on Gamma he won’t have that option. Oo
Henri didn’t need to speak before now, he’d already sewn a seed and helped it grow. No one was going to hurt Toxin, Henri was here because Toxin was and Henri had no plans to leave.
[End Scene]
Lieutenant Toxin Arlill
Chief of Operations
USS Octavia E Buttler NCC-82850
Writer ID.: O239910TA4
&
Lieutenant JG Lhandon Joseph Nilsen
Asst. Chief of Operations
USS Octavia E Butler
O240007LN1
He/Him/His (Both player and character)