Lieutenant Jack Kessler - Not guilt but worse for sure

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((Councilors Suite, Deck 5, U.S.S. Octavia E. Butler))

 

 

Following Jack’s meeting with Commander Walker, his next stop was with the ships councilor. Commander Promontory had asked for a psych evaluation so this was the next and hopefully last hoop Jack would jump through to get reinstated and back to work.

The councilors officers were on Deck 5, directly across from Sickbay. As Jack prepared to enter the reception area he looked across the hall and realized he had planned his trips to each department a little poorly. oO Should have just gone from medical to here and then to Commander Walker. You’re out of practice Jack. Got to sharpen up again. Oo

 

Entering the Councilors suite reception area Jack stepped through the main room and to a corridor to his right. The first door on his right was designated “Counselor Karen Stendhal”. Jack had really hoped to have seen Alex Brodie back and aboard the ship but regardless this was his next stop. Jack did not know this officer, nor had he ever met her that he was aware of. oO Time to do this. Oo

 

Jack depressed the door chimes and waited for the office doors to whoosh open at the acceptance of the occupant inside. Without hesitation Jack stepped in and smiled.

 

Kessler: (stepping forward and reaching out to shake hands) Jack Kessler, pleasure to meet you.

Stendhal: The pleasure is all mine, Lieutenant. I'm Karen Stendhal, but I believe you already know that. Please, come in and make yourself comfortable.

 

The counselors long blond hair hung past her shoulders and Jack took note of her facial features and the irony that her deep blue eyes seemed to match up to her uniform.

 

Kessler: Thank you.

 

Jack took a seat as offered on the opposing side of a small coffee table from the Lieutenant and settled in for what he assumed would be another version of a debrief on his capture.

Stendhal: What do you think of the new ship?

 

Kessler: It’s very nice to be back among those I know. (beat) Better conversations anyways.

 

Stendhal: How do you feel?

 

The question seemed pretty standard and right out of the gate for someone who had been a Prisoner for the past five months.

 

Kessler: I’m feeling good. (beat) I mean, as best as can be expected.

 

oO Don’t lie to her. She could be Betazoid. Why didn’t I check before coming in here? Oo

 

Jack was feeling ok with regards to his capture. Truth be told, he had not been mistreated in any way but the pain he felt was from knowing who he had hurt back here at home. By running off on a mission without telling the two he loved the most he had caused a hurt that he never had expected to cause.

 

Stendhal: Yes, you guessed right. I am Betazoid, or at least three-quarters so. My paternal grandfather was human. Don't worry.

 

Jack grinned, he would not be hiding much of anything from this one. Not that he ever did hide anything from his former councilor. In fact Alex Brodie had been someone Jack could easily open up to and talk to without hesitation. In many ways Brodie had been like speaking with his own father and that had made things much easier.

 

Kessler: Sorry, my thoughts are all over the place right now.

Stendhal: Would you like some tea? Or perhaps coffee or another beverage?

Kessler: Yes please, tea would be nice.

As Stendhal moved over to the replicator and began prepping the refreshments there was a momentary pause in conversation and Jack’s mind drifted to his earlier encounter with Michele and the right hook she’d laid out across his jaw.

Stendhal:  I'd be happy to listen if you'd like to talk about your feelings of guilt towards those you've left behind. Perhaps I've misinterpreted your situation?  

Kessler: Guilt? (turning in his chair to face Karen) Is it guilt when you realize that what you thought was protecting someone was actually hurting them?

 

Jack stood and stepped closer to Stendhal and leaned up against the wall. Sitting and talking about his feelings was well and fine with Jack but he preferred a more personable conversation.

 

Stendahl: response

 

Kessler: No. What I mean is, I thought I was protecting those closest to me by not telling them. When in fact not telling them was my way of ensuring that they did not talk me out of going. So is it guilt or shame I am feeling? Or both?

 

Jack paused as Stendahl seemed to peer into him. Something Brodie did not do, or at least not in a way that made it noticeable.

 

Stendahl: response

 

As she spoke Jack lowered his eyes to the floor, thinking or Michele, Nesre and Krystal. Those who had suffered the most. But then there was TK. The man joined Jack on the mission and took a weapons hit directly to the chest. A mission Jack had pushed the Commodore to accepting. A mission Jack had really pushed on everyone because of his desire to find his parents.

Jack turned so that his back was flat up against the wall and folded his arms across his chest.

Kessler: My own desire to find my parents nearly got TK killed. Put the entire team at risk and I hid the mission from those closest to me because I knew they would try to talk me out of it. (beat) I don’t think it is guilt I am feeling, I think I disgusted with my own actions.

 

Stendahl: response

 

TBD/TAGS

 

Lieutenant Jack Kessler

Non-Active Duty

USS Octavia E. Butler

T239901JK1