Lt. Toxin Arlill - Emotions 2
Toxin Arlill
((ooc: Anyone paying attention to my subject lines might appreciate the perspective difference between my characters here.))
(( Solar Sail Observation Hall, Deep Space 14 ))
Toxin stood at the entry to the observation hall and stared at the endless void outside the windows. The solar sails of Deep Space 14 were there in all their glory, shimmering in the starlight. At one time this view might have sparked joy and wonder in him, but now it only felt hollow and empty.
The ceremony was like a dark cloud, what used to be a celebration now felt like a burden, a reminder of how much had changed. His mind tried to remember happier times, times when these gatherings were chance to connect and revel in their achievements, to bask in the family which was Starfleet. But now the mere thought of attending left a sour taste in his mouth.
In the quiet moments, his thoughts drifted to Lhandon. Their falling out had created a hole in Toxin's life, one that seemed to widen with each passing day. He couldn't help but wonder if Lhandon felt the same way, the same sense of loss. The possibility that he didn't only twisted the knife deeper.
As other officers began entering, their faces were positive with anticipation, Toxin felt a bit of envy. He remembered when he used to feel that way, when these events filled him with pride and joy. Now, he found himself questioning whether the ceremonies themselves had lost their meaning, or if he'd simply lost the ability to enjoy them without Lhandon by his side.
Even with all these feelings, Toxin knew he was there for a reason, he had a job to do. He was here to support his officers and to recognized them for their hard work. This thought made him feel a little better, it reminded him of his duties as a leader, their leader. But was he here for all of them or just most of them?
This thought bothered him. Toxin had always been good at keeping his personal feelings separate from his work. But now, he was having trouble doing that. The problems with Lhandon had affected him more than he wanted to admit, changing how he saw things and how he acted around the crew in small ways.
As it got closer to the start of the ceremony, Toxin wished he could be anywhere else. It was kind of funny, here he was in space, with so many worlds and adventures nearby, but he felt stuck. Stuck because of his duty, what people expected of him, and the pain of losing a friend.
Toxin took a deep breath, straightened his uniform, and got ready to join the crowd. He would do his part, say congratulations when he needed to, and act like the steady Starfleet officer he was supposed to be. But as he moved to take his place, he had one last thought: Was it the ceremonies that didn't mean anything anymore, or had he just lost his ability to enjoy them? And if it was the second one, could he ever feel that sense of purpose and happiness again without making up with Lhandon? He didn't have answers to these questions, but they'd stay with him long after the last award was given out and everyone had gone home.
[[End Scene for Toxin]]
Lieutenant Toxin Arlill
Chief of Operations
USS Octavia E Buttler NCC-82850
Writer ID.: O239910TA4LT