P Lieutenant Commanders Lael Rosek & Toryn Raga: You Deserved That, Part 1
Lael Rosek
((Holodeck 2, Deck 6, USS Atlantis, Standard Orbit over Illara Prime, Par’tha Expanse, Beta Quadrant ))
{{Time Index: Shoreleave Day 11}}
Shore leave had thus far proven to be less relaxing than expected. Ishka being among the few moments and sources of happiness and relaxation he’d had since the conference ended. Toryn was frustrated. About the spy. About them being unable to catch them, or the assassin that had tried to kill the Captain. About Lael being on the ship now and how he’d reacted when they’d run into one another well over a week ago.
He’d pulled a Serala and had kept himself away from her if only to keep from making a scene again. Lael Rosek had broken his heart, in more pieces than even the most powerful sensor array could find and yet, he’d had an outburst in public. That was something the proud Al-Leyan just simply did not do. Even as emotionally driven as he was, he always kept certain things private. Handled them privately. Like now, as he vented his frustration out on a handful of holographic Tholian combatants. Seven already laid ‘dead’ around him in the sands of the space station coliseum that was his personal training program. One he’d developed back at the Academy. Drawing from ancient Terran arenas, but with a modern, if grungy look.
The Al-Leyan stood, a long spear in his hands, sweat drenching his brow as he faced down the remaining five opponents. One lunged at him and he slammed the haft of the spear into his chest, a loud crunch resounding as their ribs cracked. Two more rush him, one with a longsword the other with a pair of sickle-like blades. Toryn ducked under the wide swing from the first, pivoting on his right foot to slam his boot into the dual-wielder’s kneecap, snapping his leg and sending him to the ground in a heap. Carrying his momentum around he threw the spear at a Tholian a few meters away charging with a halberd. It embedded into their chest with enough force to wrest them off their feet and sail through the air a dozen meters before hitting the sandy ground.
Two remained. One ahead of him, with a kite shield and a flail and the other reminded him of their presence with a slash along his back. He winced as he felt the burning sting of the blade slicing through his light martial robes. Toryn swiftly spun around, leg bent until he slammed his heel into their chest hard. This time he knew he’d shattered this one’s ribs, even before they went sailing away from the powerful kick. Sore, the brutal martial art of Leya-I. A single kick to end a fight. Toryn was a master of the art. Along with Jaia. The sound of feet running through sand caught his ears and he once more turned. A hard kick to the Tholian’s shield sent them off balance and dented the metal barrier. He moved in, changing legs, kicking rapidly and forcefully with his right leg. Under the sword arm, then again across the side of the same knee. It cracked and the opponent went down hard. A final kick to the face ended the fight. Toryn stood there a moment, the trickle of blood along his back barely registered. Of course, he’d had the safeties on. Though, of late he’d more often than not had them off.
She was supposed to be working on her second weekly paper right now. This week, she’d chosen to analyze a scenario that was, ironically, much like the one she’d experienced first hand at Temlai. It wasn’t bringing up the most pleasant memories, but she was working through them. She’d needed to remind herself more than once that it was only a hypothetical and any circumstances that were similar to what she’d experienced were mere coincidence.
A wry, unamused grin twisted her features. With all of the changes to her routine and the stress of adapting to a new ship, it had been more difficult to concentrate than usual. With Maddy in the ship's care center, she’d decided a bit of holodeck time might be in order. Maybe if she was sore from battling Klingons and Romulans, she wouldn’t feel so restless.
Rounding the corner with her favorite Bat’leth in hand and her Romulan knife tucked into its sheath on her boot, she noted that the holodeck was already active and her brow furrowed. She didn’t recognize the name of the program. Besides which, according to the chronometer and her scheduled time, the occupant had run over theirs by at least five minutes. She shrugged. It wasn’t a big deal and happened often enough. Usually a step in and a gentle reminder took care of the issue.
The doors parted as she approached and she stiffened when she saw who the occupant was. She was half tempted to turn on her heel and high-tail it back to her quarters...to call it a wash. But no. She needed this and no one, especially Toryn Raga, was going to intimidate her out of some well earned relaxation. Exhaling a shaky sigh, she continued cautiously into the room, prepared to defend herself in case she startled him.
Standing in the center of the sandy coliseum, his long hair clinging to his brow and shoulders, chest heaving from the exertion of the last hour of training, he’d almost missed the sound of someone entering the holodeck. He’d at least missed the doors opening, but the crunch of boots in the sand and the faintest telepathic sensation let him know precisely who had just walked into the holodeck. Ishka carried herself differently than Lael did. She, like he, was a warrior. In some ways at least. Her Prote’s were different from his, for the most part. His fists balled slightly as he kept his back to her. Of all the people to have the next hour booked in the holodeck, why in the winds did it have to be her.
Raga: Sorry for going over my time.
He winced. Several slashes marred his limbs, though superficial as the safeties had kept any blows landed on him from being lethal or wounding him to any notable extent.
She looked him over once, a cursory glance, but it was all she needed. An ironic grin curved the corners of her lips. It looked like he’d at least kept the safeties on. Not something she did when she was well and truly pissed. She’d gotten unofficial warnings on more than one occasion, but that didn’t seem to stop her. The way she looked at it, that particular choice kept her from taking out her frustrations in less appropriate settings like on duty. She’d disengaged the safeties so less since adopting Maddy and since receiving her Vulcan training. But she was a fighter. Always would be. Ironic considering she fixed things for a living.
Rosek: ::inclines her head:: It’s fine. From the looks of it, you needed it.
That elicited a chuckle from him and he glanced at her, even though she wasn’t the sole reason he’d needed it she was a large part of why he’d been on the holodeck blowing off steam. Toryn turned around to regard her, his gaze first noted the knife in her boot. He recognized the make, since he’d seen Serala’s often enough to know it was of Romulan design. The Bat’leth she carried however caused his brow to furrow and a sneer. The bad blood between Al-Leyans and Klingons was well known, and while he’d served with a couple of Klingon descent. It was difficult for him to conceal his disapproval. His blood brother had been slain at the hands of a Klingon. Toryn had the D’k tahg blade that had killed Totthirin, and which he himself used to end the life of his brother’s killer. So, he understood partially the reason why she carried a Bat’leth. Many Al-Leyan’s were proficient in their weapons.
Raga: The last few days have been unexpectedly unpleasant. ::He said dryly::
Her gaze dropped to the deck and she nodded. Standing this close and with tension high, she was catching more of his feelings than she was comfortable with, especially those directed at her. It had been some time since she’d experienced an onslaught this intense. The suppressants usually countered it, leaving only a slight twinge, as though from far away. Exhaling a soft, shaky breath, she lifted her gaze to meet his.
Rosek: ::softly:: I know you won’t believe me, but I never meant to hurt you. That my selfishness has caused you this much pain--it’s very difficult to forgive myself for that.
Seeing her look away and exhale that shaky breath reminded him of her empathic abilities. While his were solely inert, save for an ESP-like sense of warning from time to time that made his ears itch, he couldn’t sense the emotions of others. And it had been a long time since the two of them had been in person like this, save for their meeting the other day. His brow furrowed, both in confusion and sympathy. Even though he was angry with her, there was a time when he would have done just about anything for her beyond going against his cultural beliefs. That, he recalled vividly, had caused the rift between them that had grown. Especially when, she selfishly wanted him to only be with her, while she herself had already had someone else. Toryn wasn’t mad at that, just the hypocrisy. Tack on the torture, which he had yet to fully resolve within himself, and the Al-Leyan Mission Specialist was still a mess. Barely held together as he had been, seeing her again had ripped all of that open.
Raga: I honestly never thought I’d see you again and I wasn’t sure how I’d handle it. ::He sighed:: For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I should not have made such a public outburst at you the other day. ::He glanced away:: Seeing you again. Here. Was like having my heart ripped open all over again.
It had been a heartbreak of a different sort for her. She’d long since accepted that though she loved Toryn, it wasn’t the kind of love that lasting non-platonic commitments were built on. She loved Chythar. She always had. But he’d been with Alex and anything beyond friendship just hadn’t been possible. She’d tried very hard to move on with others, but she’d never quite found what she was looking for...what she was missing.
Of all the men she’d tried to move on with, Toryn was the one who had been hurt the most. His heart had already been so fragile. If she’d had any sense, she would have fought against the pull harder than she had. The unexpected arrival of her season had only made things worse. After it had been resolved and her head had cleared, part of her had known she should end things with Toryn before she hurt him worse than she already would. But guilt and pride had made her hang on. Genuine fear of how Toryn would take the painful news.
That was part of her problem, she supposed. She hated letting people down, especially people she cared about and danced around things, only leading to more pain.
Rosek: ::swallows and her lips part, whispering:: I wanted to tell you. For so long, I wanted to tell you. But I didn’t know how. Not without you hating me.
Toryn felt a twinge of pain hearing her say that and he clenched and relaxed his fists a few times. Prior to Ishka, Lael had been the person closest to him. She’d shared his mind, saw the monster that plagued his thoughts. Come mind to mind with ART. She’d seen all his fears, his desires, his hopes. He’d never let anyone into his mind so fully. And while Lael had not been the first woman he’d fallen for, she, by far, had been the most brutal when it came to breaking him. Though, deep down he knew it had never been intentional, the already insecure and fragile heart of the Al-Leyan had been unprepared for what had happened. Despite their disagreements, Toryn had genuinely thought the two of them could have been happy.
Raga: That’s a weak excuse. ::He said colder than intended::
Shaking his head at himself he got a flash of cold red glowing eyes in his mind and shuddered. RoLFs. That was the last thing he needed to think of right now.
Rosek: ::breathes:: I know. I was a coward. I was so afraid of getting hurt. I’ve spent most of my life fighting the universe on my own. My dad wasn’t around and my mom spent more time off planet than she did at home. When I was bullied for my ears, my glowing eyes, the fact that I wasn’t completely one race or the other...I learned not to let people in.
She allowed the hand holding the Bat’leth to fall to her side, her grip on the weapon tenuous.
Rosek: ::rasps:: Mongrel. Freak. Half-breed. And those were the more polite names. ::exhales shakily and blinks back tears:: I learned that it hurt less if I pretended like I didn’t feel anything. If I pretended I was tough.
Toryn’s gaze lifted to meet hers while she spoke and again he clenched his fist. They’d shared minds on more than one occasion. And while he'd let her in completely, he was now realizing, if not at least wondering, if she’d ever let him in that much at all. Much of what she’d said he understood, but hearing it only made him angrier. He pursed his lips tightly a moment.
Raga: You didn’t have to face it alone, Lael. You never needed to pretend with me. That’s the thing. I know we couldn’t see eye to eye on some things, but I was always there for you. ::He barely held back a snarl:: I let you in, fully. I let you see every part of me. I bared myself, raw for your perusal. Of being the broken child, who had to be fixed again and again. How I grew up in pain. Constant fear that I wasn’t good enough for anyone.
Both hands balled into fists at his side and he knew that were there a table nearby it would be being utterly crushed at that moment.
Raga: Always having to prove that I’m not a failure. I’m not Fallen. Always struggling to balance that line...to be the good Al-Leyan...a good Starfleet officer. I bore my heart and my soul to you and I still wasn’t good enough! ::He shouted, those vibrant sapphire eyes shimmering with the tears within them:: That’s why it hurt. So. Much when you…::gasps:: You should understand me better than most.
Toryn fought back the urge to swing at her, while he still cared for Lael, he was far too emotional to think rationally at the moment.
He was angry. She could feel that powerfully even from where she stood. Anyone with any sense of self preservation would have turned on their heel and run as fast as they could in the other direction. But no one had ever accused her of being particularly smart when it came to Toryn Raga. She wasn’t quite sure how, but he always managed to twist her up in knots and make her do things that were reckless even for her.
She allowed the Bat’leth to slip from her hands and she crossed the room, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tightly. For the first time, she dared to drop her walls and really let him in.
Seething rage. That pretty much summed up Toryn Raga at that moment. Every desk, table, and now door within fifty lightyears were no doubt all trembling simultaneously. Seeing the Klingon weapon fall to the sand and watching her approach him the Al-Leyan instinctively settled into a defensive stance.
----
Lieutenant Commander Lael Rosek, Eng.D.
Engineering Officer
USS Atlantis, NCC-74682
I238110RH0
&
Lieutenant Commander Toryn Raga
Mission Specialist/Second Officer
USS Atlantis NCC-74682
PodCast Team Member
Training Team Member
Atlantis Staff Member
Writer ID: A239410TR0
https://wiki.starbase118.net/wiki/index.php?title=Toryn_Raga