JP Lieutenant Commander Lael Rosek & Lieutenant Commander Toryn Raga - Powderkeg, Part II

[Lieutenant Commander Toryn Raga]

((Officer’s Mess, Deck 2, USS Atlantis))

{{Time Index - Day 2 of Shoreleave}}

That elicited an arching of his eyebrows and the Al-Leyan Mission Specialist looked at her as if she had said something incredulous. 

Raga: Me? What in the winds did I do to make you want any of that? ::He said with a bit of shock and confusion in his voice::

Rosek: You act like you’re the only person whose heart was broken.

She felt the emotion rising and used one of the techniques she’d been taught in the T’Reth Monastery to recover herself. The emotions faded as quickly as they’d come, leaving her staring at Toryn with serene calm. 

Rosek: oO This man is really going put what I’ve learned to the test. Oo

It was a strange thing. Though her walls were up, Lael Rosek’s mind was something Toryn knew intimately well. And yet, there was most assuredly something ‘off’ about the woman he saw sitting in front of him. She had casually mentioned wanting to break several parts of him and yet, when he responded, she didn’t lash out at him verbally. 

Raga: Perhaps, but from what I saw it didn’t seem like it was that difficult a decision to make. ::He said, briefly taking a sip from his tea to hide the painful grimace those memories brought with them:: I seem to recall you’d already moved on anyways. It couldn’t have hurt that much. 

He was referring to the fact that Lael had already been with someone, or at least was interested in someone the last time they spoke. All he could remember was how much it had broken him. 

Rosek: ::sips her tea and then sets the mug on the table:: Jon and I broke off our engagement. And Bear is currently married. That ended some time ago as well. ::gaze drops to her mug for a moment before flickering to meet his:: Relationships never were my strong suit. Particularly when the man I was interested in couldn’t commit to a monogamous relationship.

There was a spike of anger in Toryn when she mentioned a name he was entirely unfamiliar with. It seems she had no end of men she was interested in, yet had such an issue with the Al-Leyan polygamous culture. 

Raga: Clearly. ::He said dryly, chiding himself internally for being so brusk:: It probably doesn’t help when monogamy is as strange and unappealing to one of those men as polygamy is to you. ::He sighed:: Of course, I’ve never been good enough for my own culture, why would I expect to be good enough for you.

She’d reached a point with it where she’d accepted why it needed to be this way. Even if he was willing to be monogamous, it couldn’t be with her. She didn’t begrudge him that. She’d found her own happiness and truly wasn’t bitter. The unexpected feelings that his presence had given rise to had distracted her from reason.

Rosek: ::pauses:: We both know why it couldn’t have worked, Toryn. ::gazes at him for a long moment:: And I believe you have that backward. That you would need another woman at the very least during your season speaks volumes the fact that I wasn’t adequate to care for all of your needs.

Raga: Winds, you are a pain in the ass. ::He snapped:: You know enough about our culture to know it’s got nothing to do with that. You know just how much I…

The words fell short, Toryn had no need to say them. Lael had been in his head more times than anyone else. Save now for Ishka. She knew every insecurity, every fear, all the pain and emotion that raged in the heart and mind and soul of the raven-haired Al-Leyan sitting across from her. The unfortunately loud crunch of metal drew his attention to his hand, which was gripping the now crumpled edge of the table where he was seated. Toryn Raga, Destroyer of Tables strikes again. 

Her eyes locked on his, her lips forming a thin line, the emotions slipping past her defenses. A fire burned behind her eyes that had made lesser individuals cower.

Rosek: ::snaps:: Don’t. Just don’t. You don’t know the first thing about it. If you did, you would realize just how wrong we were to think that it was enough.

Toryn stared right into those fiery eyes, unflinchingly. While an inferno broiled behind his cerulean hues. That hand trembled to keep from ripping part of the table off entirely and he stared her down. There was a tumult of anger, pain, and more in his mind. His mental defenses were shaky at best at the moment and he yelled loud enough to create an uncomfortable silence in the room. 

Raga: You weren’t there when I needed you the most!! ::tears pooled in his eyes:: Not even as a friend! I was being tortured every single day for hours on end and you weren’t there!!! The only person in the galaxy who I had a chance to talk to, to stay sane. To maybe even help me get help and you left me alone! You don’t get to talk to me about the right or wrong of what we might have been. 

Toryn immediately regretted his outburst. If anyone had any doubts as to whether or not the Second Officer had coped with his torture there wasn’t any longer. He was visibly shaking and even without looking, he knew the table was going to need to be scrapped. 

She sombered, checking her own anger and guilt. It was pointless to dwell on the past. The emotions only continued to feed into one another if she allowed them to linger. It was one of the things she’d learned and she needed that mantra now more than ever.

Rosek: oO Kaiidth. What is is. Oo ::softly:: We could go in circles, Toryn. Blaming each other for our hurts. I’m sorry that you had to suffer. But by making the choice that I did, I spared us both even more hurt. I can’t undo the past. However, I can make sure that we don’t get caught up in the cycle. We both need to let go. Like it or not, we have to work together now. We’re both looked to as leaders. We have to set an example.

Toryn blinked several times at Lael, as if he were staring at a complete stranger. The Al-Leyan slowly rose from his seat, staring at her with an expression of hurt and anger, but the fire in his eyes had died. 

Raga: You don’t have to worry about that. Those feelings I had for you died when you left me alone, without a friend. All I wanted was a friend during the worst moment of my life and you ignored me. That’s why I’m angry. ::He took a slow deep breath:: If you didn’t care enough for me as a friend, you definitely wouldn’t have cared as anything more than one. And it’s okay. My heart’s been mended by a woman I definitely don’t deserve. ::He shook his head and straightened:: But I never have to doubt how she feels about me. I apologize for interrupting your meal, Commander. It won’t happen again. 

With that Toryn picked up his PADD and mug, the contents of which were now mostly cold and strode right out of the Officers Mess. The haunting memories of his capture popped in and out of his mind like spectres and he forced them down. A pit of remorse settled into his gut. That feeling that he’d lost a friend. A feeling he’d been trying to keep at bay since the torture. The cold way she acted, it was clear she stopped being his friend when she cut things off with him. 

The parting shot had been specifically designed to cut as deep as possible and to throw salt into the wound on top of it. Her gaze dropped to the mug in her shaking hands as she fought to still them. They shook so badly that some of the liquid sloshed over the rim onto the table. The tears that she’d been hiding from him filled her eyes, but she still didn’t let them fall.

Exhaling a shaky sigh, she rose and strode toward the replicator to recycle it, no longer interested in the beverage. What had he wanted her to do? To say? What could she have said that wouldn’t have sounded like an excuse to him? No. He’d been determined that she was the only one to blame for what had happened between them. 

She’d lived her own hell whilst he’d lived his. In the midst of her own turmoil, she’d had to stay calm and steady for her crew. They’d been counting on her to make the right calls. Exiting the Mess, she walked slowly back to her quarters, using the time to compose herself before she had to face Maddy and what she expected would be a dozen questions. 

End

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Lieutenant Commander Toryn Raga 

Mission Specialist/Second Officer

USS Atlantis NCC-74682

Writer ID: A239410TR0

https://wiki.starbase118.net/wiki/index.php?title=Toryn_Raga

& 

Lieutenant Commander Lael Rosek, Eng.D.

Chief Engineer

USS Atlantis, NCC-74682

I238110RH0