Ensign Alix Harford- The Juneau
Meri
((OOC: Content Warning: Sim contains a realistic depiction of a PTSD flashback and panic attack.))
((OOC: The full weight of this sim and actions pertaining to Caldwell were discussed with the writer ahead of time.))
((Main Bridge, Deck 1, USS Astraeus))
((End of Shore Leave: 2200 hours))
Harford: Okay- I have questions.
Caldwell: Go on... ::Gesturing for her to continue::
Her bottom lip pulled in as she chewed on it anxiously once again. Alix rolled her shoulders and sighed to release tension. She wasn’t sure what was harder, standing on the Bridge confronting something she was genuinely afraid of or admitting so much lack of knowledge to someone she wasn’t entirely sure about. Deciding one was something that needed getting over and the other would only stand in her way, she shrugged.
Harford: When we’re out there, there’s always someone right here? ::points at the Conn::
Caldwell: Short answer is yes, there will always be someone here when needed.
Harford: Hmmm… And how good are you at all of this? As a pilot I mean.
Caldwell: ::Glancing towards the console:: Oh I know my way around, definitely nothing to worry about there, I've pulled off some pretty creative maneuvers. Never had any complaints.
Though he was notably cocky, she evaluated his words and decided she could trust him on this. After all, what did he have to gain by lying to her here? Alix wasn’t the kind of girl that guys tried to impress, so that wasn’t it. Besides, after their game, it was apparent he wasn’t worried about putting his best foot forward. Though she’d never admit it to him, she had been a bit impressed by him as a competitor. She'd found him fun, even. Basketball just wasn’t his sport.
Harford: Okay, now the big one. What happens if we get lost?
Caldwell: Lost in space? Just to the naked eye there's got to be about a dozen galaxies you can see from here, even if we lost all of our external sensors we'd be able to work out our location without much effort.
Harford: No, no. I don’t mean navigationally lost. What happens if we are… adrift.
Caldwell: Adrift? Even if we lost warp, impulse and thrusters we'd still know where we were and could call for help. We also have plenty of auxiliary vessels, the shuttles and runabouts we could tow ourselves with.
Harford: Not if there isn’t power though, right?
Caldwell: I mean, I guess if we lost engines we could lose other systems we might need but there hasn't been a system wide failure on a starship for... ::Pausing to think:: about a hundred years, maybe even longer.
Memories of the Juneau rescue came crashing back to Alix. No power. Pitch black. Quickly losing the life support left on the ship. Her face fell pale and her skin went clammy, but she tried to hold back her anxiety.
oO I cannot have a panic attack in front of Christopher Caldwell. Oo
Harford: ::quietly:: But if it does…
Caldwell: Worst case we'd probably be able to knock up a solar sail, would do for some power and probably even propulsion in a pinch. Long story short, it's not something you're going to have to worry about.
Alix wasn’t convinced. She knew better. She’d been on the Juneau, her first mission out. Lost in Space on a powerless ship with no way to call for help, no way to power up engines. They’d barely made it home. True, it was an alien race that had caused the system failure, an infestation of sentient glow worms, but if it happened once surely it could happen again. She heard his question, but his voice sounded so far away, and the room was getting fuzzy. Pulse quickening, she tried again to force her mind to gain control.
oO I cannot have a panic attack in front of Christoper Caldwell. Oo
Caldwell: Are you really worried about this?
She couldn’t manage anything more than a nod in response.
Caldwell: Where is this coming from Alix?
Harford: ::voice breathy:: I’ve lived it, Chris, on the Juneau. My first mission out from Denali Station. I don’t-
Legs growing weak, Alix took a few steps back from the console. She needed to sit down. Her back bumped against railing and she held onto it while lowering herself to the floor, back pressed against the small partial wall that separated Mission OPs and Engineering from the rest of the Bridge. She pulled her legs to her chest and had a flash of a memory. She’d sat just like this on Charles’ couch a few days ago. Then just as quickly she was back in the Juneau, floating through the ship with only a glowstick to guide her team as they raced against dwindling oxygen to solve the mystery and save the unconscious crew.
Caldwell: Response
Harford: I can’t do that again.
Caldwell: Response
Harford: Chris, I can’t breathe.
oO I’m having a panic attack in front of Christopher Caldwell. Oo
Caldwell: Response
Blinking eyes turned up towards him. Was he… trying to ground her? The pressure on her wrists helped. Her mind started to clear. She wasn’t on the Juneau. Alix looked down at Chris’ hands wrapped tightly around her wrists and then back up at him.
Harford: I’m sorry. I’m- I’m okay.
Caldwell: Response
Harford: Well no, obviously, I’m not. I tried to tell you.
Caldwell: Response