Lieutenant Commanders Lael Rosek & Toryn Raga: Who We Are After, Part I
Lael Rosek
OOC: Takes place after Lael’s conversation with Carter
((Rosek & Galven’s Shared Quarters, USS Astraeus))
Lael sighed, running her hands through her hair. She was more exhausted than usual despite their last couple missions having been significantly less stressful than her kidnapping and torture by Lenik. The vacation on Cait shortly after Mei’s promotion to captain had been relaxing, but apparently hadn’t been quite enough to shake the stress-related fatigue that was forcing her to move around more to stay awake. If this kept up, she was going to need a check-up in Sickbay to make sure there wasn’t some other less benign cause.
Gathering her courage, she spoke to the monitor in front of her.
Rosek: Computer, contact Lieutenant Commander Toryn Raga, USS Atlantis.
::The computer chirped once in acknowledgement of her request.::
Computer: Working.
::Two chirps and the black screen changed to the familiar Federation logo, indicating that the call had connected. A few moments later, the familiar face appeared on the screen.::
((Deck 3, Raga’s Quarters, USS Atlantis))
It was getting late in the evening and Toryn had only been in his quarters for an hour or so. With this last mission successfully under their belt he was grateful that the crew managed to, for once, not find themselves ambushed or fighting for their lives. Though, the four concurrent away teams had each had their own unique and strange encounters, one including a Chon AI that was from what he’d read, insane. It at least hadn’t tried to do anything harmful to Hyden and her team.
And he was out of the hoverchair finally. Thanking his Al-Leyan physiology for such a swift recovery from his torture. The psychological damage was another thing entirely.
Toryn had spent the last thirty minutes in the shower just trying to relax. He stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist after drying off mostly when the computer on his desk chirped.
Computer: Incoming transmission from the USS Astraeus.
Toryn grabbed a shirt from his dresser on the way to his desk, slinging it over his shoulder so he could reach for the monitor to accept the transmission. Sylara hooted at him when the computer chirped twice more and the screen with the Federation logo faded away and there he saw a face he did not expect.
Rosek: ::smiles wanly:: Hi.
Toryn stood there behind the chair to his desk, black hair damp from the shower and somewhat soaking the grey shirt of Al-Leyan silk that was draped over his left shoulder.
Raga: Hi. ::He said anxiously::
((Rosek & Galven’s Shared Quarters, USS Astraeus))
Her smile faded as she got a good look at him. Their connection meant she’d witnessed a version of what he’d been through, though she didn’t know the details about the aftermath. The light that had once filled his cerulean blue eyes had faded and the coldness she saw in his gaze caused a shiver to run down her spine. Clearly, his torture had been far worse than hers and had broken him in ways hers hadn’t. But then, she’d had German to return to. Toryn was alone.
There were days where she felt guilty for hurting him. She’d really thought that he was the man for her. She’d foolishly deluded herself into thinking that he’d turn away from traditions that had been ingrained since birth to be with her alone. A grimace twisted her lips. Looking back, she realized how selfish she’d been to expect that of him.
Rosek: ::breathily:: I--I wanted to make sure you made it back in one piece.
The moment the words left her mouth, she regretted them. What he’d been through had clearly destroyed the man she’d once known. This man stood in his place, cold and distant.
((Deck 3, Raga’s Quarters, USS Atlantis))
Raga: ::He shrugged nonchalantly:: Strong Al-Leyan physiology. Our Chief Nurse commented on how hard it is to cause permanent damage to my kind.
There was the briefest of flickers of pain behind his eyes, the body healed easily by comparison, but the mind. Especially his mind. One that had been manipulated and experimented with as a child, it was a wonder he hadn’t been discharged from Starfleet altogether.
((Rosek & Galven’s Shared Quarters, USS Astraeus))
Her gaze dropped momentarily to her hands, the slivers of pain that reached her through their connection surprising her. She'd never been this sensitive to his emotions with her mental shields raised before. It was likely due to the increase in her rating. Though she knew it was because he'd been tortured, she couldn't help feeling guilty for how she'd hurt him. Her eyes raised to his, tears that she refused to let fall shining behind her gaze.
Rosek: ::rasps:: I'm so sorry, Toryn. For hurting you. I do care about you. I would do anything that you wouldn't have to hurt like you do.
((Deck 3, Raga’s Quarters, USS Atlantis))
Toryn looked at her through the monitor and shrugged slightly. For a moment his features softened, if briefly then he shook his head.
Raga: Sure. Doesn’t really matter though. Does it? Hurting and being hurt is all I seem to be good for.
((Rosek & Galven’s Shared Quarters, USS Astraeus))
Though his blaise response didn't surprise her, it still caused a twinge of sadness. He was a good man that so many bad things had happened to. His loyalty and strength were two of the things that had attracted her to him in the first place. Time. With time, it would fade. He'd never be the man he was before, but she prayed he would find some measure of peace.
Rosek: ::murmurs:: Vi estas bona viro, Toryn. Kion ajn vi diros al vi, virino estus bonŝanca havi viron kiel vi protektante ŝin. (You're a good man, Toryn. No matter what anyone might tell you, a woman would be lucky to have a man like you protecting her.)
((Deck 3, Raga’s Quarters, USS Atlantis))
Hearing his native tongue he took a seat in the chair in front of his desk, working his arms through the shirt he pulled off his shoulder until he was able to slip it on and pull his damp, shoulder length hair out from the collar.
Raga: Se vi diras tion. (If you say so.)
His tone was colder than he likely intended. The first woman he fell for got married to someone else because he was too afraid to tell her how he felt about her. And the second, the one who was staring back at him now, had refused to be with him because despite being half Al-Leyan, they had been raised in two vastly different cultures.
Raga: Doesn’t matter anyways. ::He shrugged:: It’ll be what, four, five years until it really matters.
He was referring to his season having already passed last year. The time when an Al-Leyan has to mate with one of their own, or die horribly. Toryn had hoped at one point that Lael would have been the one to share that with him. But, as with much of his life it seems, that was something out of his control.
((Rosek & Galven’s Shared Quarters, USS Astraeus))
She sobered, the thought of her next season looming in the back of her mind. She'd survived this one, though at great cost to her fiance at the time. It hadn't been quite bad enough to kill him, though she imagined if he'd taken the hormone treatments much longer, it could well have. Now that she'd found and committed to German, the process would be that much more complicated. Shaking the thoughts from her mind and returning her attention to Toryn.
Rosek: I ne devas esti nur por sezono. Amo ne estas facila afero trovi kaj eĉ kiam vi trovas ĝin, estas ankoraŭ pli malfacile teni vin. Kiam vi trovos ĝin, vi devas batali kiel infero por konservi ĝin. (It doesn't have to just be for a season. Love isn't an easy thing to find and even when you do find it, it's harder still to hold onto. When you do find it, you've got to fight like hell to keep it.)
((Deck 3, Raga’s Quarters, USS Atlantis))
He could tell she was thinking of something, and while they had a connection, he could sense her even though there was a vast distance between them, his abilities weren’t quite strong to let him glimpse her thoughts through a subspace transmission.
Raga: Mi provis tion. Dufoje. Mi atendis tro longe la unuan fojon por dividi miajn sentojn. La duan fojon mi simple ne estis sufiĉe bona. (I tried that. Twice. I waited too long the first time to share my feelings. The second time I just wasn't good enough. )
Toryn took a slow breath and looked away for a moment as a hoot echoed from across the room. He nodded to the feral yet intelligent voice in his mind.
Sylara: ~Calm. Lael Love worried about Friend Toryn.~ ::The voice was chiding::
The Seiuri flew from her metal perch in the living area to land on the back of his chair, head canted slightly as the bird stared at Lael through the strange window, box machine.
Raga: Ĉiuokaze, kiel vi fartas? (At any rate, how are you?)
((Rosek & Galven’s Shared Quarters, USS Astraeus))
Damn if that wasn't a loaded question. Overall, she was managing pretty well. German had been very supportive even through the nightmares. It was a combination of her own traumatizing memories resurfacing and the lingering traces of Lenik's memories that had been burned into her mind by the forced mind meld. She was a bit of a mess, but damn Lenik if she was going to let him maintain that control even after his death.
Rosek: ::smiles wanly:: Sufiĉe bone. Konsiderante. Ankoraŭ alkutimiĝis al la pliigita forto de miaj eminaj kapabloj. Eĉ kun neŭrumpezantoj kaj meditado, ĝi estas iom da defio. (Well enough. Considering. Still getting used to the increased strength of my empathic abilities. Even with neuro suppressants and meditation, it's being a bit of a challenge.)
((Deck 3, Raga’s Quarters, USS Atlantis))
Toryn’s brow raised slightly, the last time they had spoken at all had been briefly while he was being tortured. When the two of them happened to visit the Dreamscape at the same time, or rather, what was left of it. Since it seemed to be a construct of his own mind and telepathic abilities it showed devastation to the reality within it comparable to someone who was enduring incredible psychological trauma. He’d clearly missed a few things since then.
Raga: Io okazis, mi prenas ĝin? Mi estas for de ĝi dum kelka tempo, do mi devas esti kaptita de tio, kio okazis dum la pasinta monato kaj duono. (Something happened I take it? I've been out of it for a while, so I'm having to get caught up on what's happened over the last month and a half.)
Rosek: ::expression sombers:: Mi estis kaptita de. Vulcan ekstremiston kaj subigita al deviga menso. Li provis akiri la kodojn por la Montrealo. Li preskaŭ akiris ilin. (I was taken prisoner by a Vulcan extremist and subjected to a forced mind meld. He was trying to get the codes for the Montreal. He nearly got them.)
Toryn’s eyes widened slightly and the cerulean of his eyes reflected the light a bit more than it had been. Embers of anger flickered behind them and his lips pursed tightly. There was no quicker way to enrage the Al-Leyan than to bring harm to someone he loved, cared for or served with. It was part of the reason why he couldn’t let the Consortium keep Captain Brell. He’d already been through that. It was why he so fiercely defended the people around him regardless of his own well being. So hearing that it took everything in him to not break yet another desk. Hearing she had been tortured as well as forced into a mind meld, which was a pure and utter violation of another person’s being he was seething.
Raga: Se mi iam ajn renkontos, kiu faris tion al vi, mi ĵuras je la filio, ke mi rompos ilin duone. (If I ever meet who did that to you, I swear by the branch I'll break them in half.)
((Rosek & Galven’s Shared Quarters, USS Astraeus))
Rosek: ::grimaces:: Vi povas savi la koleregon. Li mortis kiam la Montrealo blovis. (You can save the rage. He died when the Montreal blew to bits.) ::murmurs darkly:: Sed ne antaŭ ol mi revenis la favoron per miaj emotaj projekciaj kapabloj. (But not before I returned the favor with my empathic projection abilities.)
There was a trace of satisfaction in her voice as she spoke. She'd been touched by the darkness of a psychopath's mind and would never be the same. Against her wishes, traces of his existence remained in her mind due to the nature of their mental contact. A pang of guilt combined with fear caused her chest to tighten. It was a battle and a half fighting to hold onto her true self, but she was confident that with time she'd overcome it.
((Deck 3, Raga’s Quarters, USS Atlantis))
Toryn was no stranger to having another personality in his own mind. It had been with him most of his life and up until this point he’d been driven to prove it wrong. ART had always been the voice in his head to remind him of all the ways and things he wasn’t good enough to be an Al-Leyan. Were he aware of the full details of what had happened to Lael, he might be able to give her some insight. Thinking of the entity in his head soured his mood once more and he scowled.
Raga: Sufiĉe bela. Mi supozas, ke mi havas multajn homojn ĉi tie en la Ekspansio, kiu bezonas malfacilan, doloran finon. (Fair enough. I suppose I have plenty of people here in the Expanse that need a hard, painful end.)
Rosek: ::gaze drops to her hands and she murmurs:: Mi ĝojos, se mi neniam finos alian vivon. (I'll be glad if I never have to end another life.)
Toryn’s brow creased as he watched her stare at her hands and his heart ached. Despite the coldness he exhibited, she was still someone he cared deeply for. It was moments like this that reminded him they were raised in different environments. He’d fought against Klingons in the brief time he served in the Al-Leyan military. His Haemachuo brother was slain by one and was the reason why he had a great disdain for the species. Despite serving with two Klingons on Atlantis, some wounds went deep and were difficult to be rid of easily.
To that end, unlike her Toryn didn’t have the same qualms about taking a life as she did. Though most of the Federation member worlds had a similar view on killing, Al-Leyans were more akin to the Klingons they despised in that regard. And if Toryn ever got his hands on the one responsible for his torture, the one controlling the RoLF that did that to him. He doubted he could be restrained enough to keep from tearing the person apart.
Raga: Sendu ilin mian vojon tiam. Ekzistas pli ol kelkaj estaĵoj, kiuj meritas morti.
(Send them my way then. There's more than a few beings out there that deserve to die.)
His tone was cold once more and the pain of his captivity resurfaced. He leaned forward and held his brow in his palm, eyes closed for the moment as he fought to force back the horrible memories.
((Rosek & Galven’s Shared Quarters, USS Astraeus))
It made her uncomfortable seeing him like this, his reaction reminding her of the three lives she'd taken. Killing had become too easily justified for her. The last time she'd taken a life...the pirate who had tried to catch her by surprise, she'd felt no remorse as she'd watched the life drain from his eyes. Her greatest fear was that enough of Lenik's essence remained in her mind that it wouldn't take much for her to become like him.
Her only consolation was that her research into Vulcan mind melds had revealed that there was a process for removing the memories. It was a matter of getting to a Vulcan healer to do so. She only hoped that her non-Vulcanoid physiology wouldn't be an issue.
Rosek: ::looks up to meet his gaze and states matter of factly:: Mi aliĝis Starfleet por savi vivojn, ne detrui ilin. (I joined Starfleet to save lives, not destroy them.)
---
Lieutenant Commander Lael Rosek
Executive Officer, USS Astraeus, NCC-70652
I238110RH0
&
Lieutenant Commander Toryn Raga
Mission Specialist
USS Atlantis NCC-74682
PodCast Team Member
Training Team Member
Atlantis Staff Member
Writer ID: A239410TR0
https://wiki.starbase118.net/wiki/index.php?title=Toryn_Raga