[JP] Ensign S'Rorr & [JP] Ensign Ruwon / Lt. Taelon - Counseling for Counselors

[S'Rorr]

((Counselling Suites - Deck 7, USS Gorkon)) 

&

((S’Rorr’s Quarters - Deck 8, USS Astraeus))

((Time Index - Before S’Rorr’s Reassignment))

Remote sessions were unusual, but nothing Ruwon hadn’t done before; the new part, this time, was getting the Gorkon’s systems to connect in a timely manner. It had been one thing to transmit from Starbase 118, with all its subspace boosters and comms networks; the Gorkon was, in that respect, a regular ship. 

Thankfully their current location made it easier, with the nearby Iana station providing the boost he’d need. 

Of course, the true thing that made this unusual was the fact S’Rorr was another counsellor. Who watches the watchers, indeed…

The connection finally went through, the UFOP logo giving way to the face of a Caitain - young, and very orange. Ruwon smiled, the Romulan’s easy manner showing in his lowered eyelashes and the way he didn’t so much sit in his chair as lounge in it.  

Ruwon: Ensign S’Rorr. Always a pleasure to meet a fellow Counsellor. 

The very orange Caitian was seated up at the edge of a comfortable chair, hands held together and resting in his lap. He was dressed down, out of uniform and in a colorful red and silver tunic with an asymmetric shape and he had his hair pulled behind his head and tied. Behind him, a set of shelves displayed with soft lighting a collection of small sculptures, figures, some trophies and awards.

S’Rorr: Ensign Ruwon, likewise. The connection seems stable, that’s excellent! I was worried about that.

S’Rorr had been in regular counselling for years but was between official therapists, at that moment. Since he’d left San Francisco to officially join the fleet, face to face meetings with his usual had become impractical.

Ruwon: The Gorkon’s a little far from you, yes. ::He laughed, an easy and relaxed sound.:: How are you doing?

S’Rorr: I’m doing well today. Off-duty. I’ve got a cup of tea ::he raised it into view of the camera:: and a pile of reports to read. And you?

Ruwon: Ah, busy as ever. Frontier Day backlog and the usual have combined into a never-ending schedule. I imagine you’ve seen some of it yourself. 

S’Rorr: I get that. The work never ceases. 

Ruwon sat up, shifting to sit with his elbows on his knees, hands cupped together. 

Ruwon: So - how have you been doing? It’s been a bit since you left the Academy and got onto a ship proper. How are you finding it? 

S’Rorr sat back in his chair, but still sat up. He pulled his legs in and folded them underneath himself, in something very close to the lotus position. He held his tea in his hands, the steam rising up to his nose.

S’Rorr: Ship life is different. A lot different. 

Ruwon: It’s a very different environment - and a stressful one, at that. 

S’Rorr: That’s right. I won’t lie, I’ve been busy. Very busy. There are a LOT of crew on the Astraeus.. It’s such a large ship. And so many crew experienced a lot of horrific events on Frontier Day. I’ve been doing double shifts to try to handle the need. I know that I’m working too hard.. And the stories I’m told, the trauma I’ve seen, well.. They don’t teach you how real it gets, at the Academy.

Ruwon’s expression shifted subtly, a warm sort of resignation - S’Rorr was absolutely correct that the Academy couldn’t truly prepare you for being in the field. In the Academy things were distant; a medical study with a patient, a discussion of medication and therapeutic goals. 

Out in space - the trauma was personal. They had to counsel people through horrors they’d experienced alongside them. 

Ruwon: They really don’t, do they. But it’s best to take things one step at a time - overstressing yourself doesn’t help anyone. 

S’Rorr: I know, I know.. It’s too much. I’m sure you’ve read my file.

Ruwon: I have, yes. ::He smirked for a moment, expression playful.:: And I suspect you’re finding yourself overwhelmed.

S’Rorr: You’re not wrong. I probably get it from my upbringing. Maybe. Who could say? But I just feel this incredible pressure to prove.. That I’m capable. That I’m the right choice, that I can handle it.

There was something gentle and fatherly to Ruwon’s manner, even as he picked up a small cup from offscreen and took a sip. 

Ruwon: I’ll let you in on a secret - the truly talented always feel that way. Especially those who seem the perfect choice for whatever they’ve pursued; if they didn’t, they wouldn't be good at it. Though I know it’s easy to hear that and harder to believe it. 

S’Rorr sank in his chair a little. He took a moment to take a long sip of his tea, then licked his nose and whiskers rather like a cat might.

S’Rorr: That.. I know I’ve said that to clients before. But.. Well, there's a  Caitian saying. It’s one thing to know truth, another thing to believe it. Or so they say.

Ruwon: What I see in your file, honestly, is someone who wants to help others, but needs help themselves. And that’s what all the best counselors are, in my opinion. 

Not himself, of course, but that was an entirely different argument. S’Rorr didn’t have blood on his hands (paws?) just yet. Hopefully he never would. 

S’Rorr: And if it’s not the work stressing me out, it’s my parents.. 

Ruwon: Your file does mention them - but, if you don’t mind, I’d like to hear about your family. 

S’Rorr shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He’d stopped making eye contact and he took his time with each reply. He was going over what he wanted to say before he said it, being very careful. It must have been a complicated topic for him.

S’Rorr: Well.. It’s .. It’s difficult to explain. My parents are both incredibly accomplished in the medical field. Educated in Vulcan schools, really well renowned even outside of Ferasa. Er.. Cait is the Federation name for it. ::Counting off on his fingers:: My sister M’Sanda is far more decorated a doctor than I’ll ever be. My sister M’Noa is working for a branch of the Vulcan Science Academy in xeno-microbiology. My sister M’Han is only two years older than me and they’re about to name ‘The Han Field’ after her. I would need a Ph.D. in her field to read summaries of her work.

S’Rorr threw up his hands and nearly spilled his tea, but saved it at the last moment and splayed out his ears in an embarrassed sort of expression. He held the cup carefully in both hands there in his lap.

S’Rorr: Suffice to say.. I don’t think anybody is pleased that I chose to join Starfleet. M’Yown, that’s my mother, told me that I had wasted my education. Wasted, she said! Fthrrin’a is the word, wasted is a good translation.

Ruwon: ‘Fthrrin’a’ - interesting word. 

S’Rorr: That was a good attempt, but I think the Romulan tongue will have trouble with the alveolar trills. 

Ruwon: My apologies. ::He laughed, lightly.:: We have a similar word - fvakh. Regardless, though, that is quite the indictment. 

S’Rorr sank into his chair, head propped up on his fist, elbow on the armrest. He looked off into the distance of his quarters, grumpily.

S’Rorr: It feels.. Frustrating. And lonely. And I often wonder if she was right. What do I say to someone that’s been through partial borg assimilation? How do I advise Federation heroes like Captain Delano, when who am I? Just Rory.

Ruwon nodded, letting him continue. 

S’Rorr: It feels like.. I’m just pretending to know what I’m talking about. And that I’ll be found out sooner or later, and then I’ll be crawling back to Cait.

Given what S’Rorr had said about his mother, Ruwon wasn’t surprised the poor thing felt that way - Ruwon had been lucky to have good parents, who had encouraged his talents. Perhaps, in a sad twist, they’d have done him some good by holding him back. 

Perhaps they were even still alive. But that was his own wound to lick, he supposed. 

There were so many angles to pick at S’Rorr’s issues, but Ruwon chose the simplest. 

Ruwon: Why was your mother so opposed to Starfleet? 

S’Rorr: They don't see Starfleet doctors as real doctors. They think I'll end up floating through space dead or assimilated worst case, best case I do nothing for a whole career but give therapy to crewmen. They don't see how important the work I do is, or how it helps people, saves lives.

Ruwon: Yet you pursued it, regardless, and here you are. You’ve worked hard to get where you are right now - what drove you?

S'Rorr hesitated for some time, thinking carefully about the question as the duration tracker on the screen crept up and up. He'd thought a lot about his doubts and challenges, about the obstacles in his way, but he had rarely considered why it was important to him or what kept him going. 

((Flashback - Cait - S'Rorr's Family Estate))

(( 20 years ago ))

The sun splashed a gold tint across the white stone walls of the M'Yown family's beautiful home. It was near the capital city and some shuttle traffic could be seen in the sky towards the downtown area, moving in invisible lines between the tall buildings. The air smelled like herbs and flowers from M'Mir's garden, like warm dust in the late afternoon.

S'Rorr sat on a bench inside, beneath an open window. Through a wall, he barely listened to the muffled voices of his mother M'Yown, teaching in that clipped tone she used for work or lessons, his sister M'Han, only two years his senior, asking questions.

S'Rorr stuck his tongue out of the side of his mouth in concentration as he placed the final touches on the sketch he had been making on a thin paper pad with a stick of charcoal. Rough, childish drawings of the creatures he had seen. Bristlebacked Hrirr, tree-leaping Mraniceps, and many tentacled Th'rrurun.

With a soft SSHSH, the door to the study room opened and his closest sister M'Han emerged first, holding a PADD to her chest. His favorite sister was only a little taller than him. S'Rorr leaned to one side on the bench to peek into the room. There were medical diagrams, open texts, and a live operation happening on the large central viewscreen. S'Rorr smiled at M'Han.

M’Han: ::looking at his sketchpad:: What are you working on?

S’Rorr: ::showing her:: This one’s a cloudfin. It lives in the high canopy. It can glide for—

M'Yown: ::Interrupting, as she leaves the study room into the hallway:: You should be in there studying with us, S'Rorr. You are going to need to learn these skills.

His mother had arrived. She adjusted her long, white coat and peered down at the sketchpad, then she tucked her hands into the deep coat pockets, showing little interest in the drawings.

S’Rorr: Actually.. what if I became something else? Like.. an artist! Or.. an explorer, like Dad?

M'Yown's ears flattened only slightly. It was subtle, but S'Rorr was good at noticing subtle things.

M’Yown: You’re young. You’ll change your mind.

The shorter, darker M'Mir turned out the lights and screens of the study room and joined M'Yown. She tried to temper her wife's steely way of talking, but to S'Rorr it just felt like a different cut of the same meat.

M’Mir: Curiosity is good, S’Rorr—but it should be directed toward useful pursuits. Those creatures won’t help anyone.

S’Rorr: ::Holding his sketchbook tightly to his chest:: They help me...

The words came out much smaller than he had intended.

M’Yown: ::Softening just a little:: Come, S'Rorr.. Let's put that away and go get dressed. We have an event to go to tonight.

As the others began to move out of the hallway towards their individual quarters, S'Rorr closed the sketchpad and stood up, feeling.. dismissed. He reached a hand up to wipe his eyes with the butt of his palm, they’d started to tear up. It felt as if he just hadn't been heard at all. He started to move, but M'Han was lingering in the hall archway. She smiled, then silently mouthed 'Keep Drawing' before disappearing around the corner. 

((Counselling Suites - Deck 7, USS Gorkon)) 

&

((S’Rorr’s Quarters - Deck 8, USS Astraeus))

The pause was noticeable, but Ruwon sat patiently, waiting for S’Rorr to speak again. Whatever was going on inside the other man’s head, Ruwon could only guess. Caitians were harder to read than most, their features displaying emotion differently. 

S’Rorr: I think.. I just wanted.. To see what was out there. The thought of just staying at Cait and studying felt..  Well, I felt like there could be so much more to life. 

Freedom, Ruwon thought. Sadly, the last thing one could run from was themselves, and the person others had made them. 

Ruwon: It seems to me your family has plenty of people destined for staying and studying, S’Rorr. Wishing to do otherwise isn’t a sin. 

S’Rorr: I’ll think on it some more. I’m.. not very good at self-analysis, sometimes. 

Ruwon’s gentle smile returned, his heavy-lidded eyes just a flash of gold under his long eyelashes. 

Ruwon: It’s a learned skill; and more than learned, it’s difficult and painful. But a single step is progress. 

S’Rorr: Thank you.. Can we end a little early? I’ve got some feelings I want to cogitate on.

Ruwon was unsure for just a moment. Were S’Rorr a regular, he’d have had no qualms - but for now he could just hope that S’Rorr followed up with someone, anyone, and continued the small steps towards self acceptance. 

Ruwon: Of course. Please remember - you’ve made it here, and that is something to be proud of. Have a good day, Ensign. I hope to talk to you again. 

S’Rorr: Don’t worry.. Next time we’re near a subspace relay, I’ll schedule a follow up.

The Romulan on the screen gave S’Rorr a casual sort of salute, and added - 

Ruwon: From one counsellor to another - good luck, and stay sane. 

The screen went to the standard UFOP comms logo. 

S’Rorr sat back in his chair and thought about what they’d talked about and the memories that had been brought back into mind. Ruwon was right, he knew. He’d done well. He’d double majored and survived, he had multiple degrees, and he’d done well enough in Starfleet Academy that he’d had his pick of galaxy class postings. That wasn’t nothing.

He sank down into his chair like melting ice cream, then rolled his head and looked over at a shelf near the wall. He’d made a sculpture of the Enterprise D when he was eight years old, and there it stood on display, beautifully painted and posed for flight.

Ensign S'Rorr

Ship's Counselor

USS Astraeus

A240206S04

&

Ensign Ruwon

Counsellor

As played by

Lieutenant Taelon

Science Officer

USS Gorkon

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