Ensign Gwen'ora Tasen - Breaking Down on my Own

[Jess - Gwen Tasen]

(( Unknown, USS Astraeus ))

Flashing red lighting barely lit the long corridor. This corridor was known to her. She'd walked it a few times...suddenly there was a pair of EV suits dangling in her arms. Her arms were barely able to wrap around the bundle of fabric and helmets as she hurried. Her boots pounded on the flooring of the corridor. But what...what was she hurrying to?

A door down the corridor of ruby lighting opened with a hiss as smoke spilled forth. She knew this place too...Operations Center...with Strategic Ops at its core. That's what it was. People were in there that they needed to help. She didn't know why her breath caught but she stumbled to a stop just at a T junction. She couldn't see down the corridor to her right, she wasn't far enough up the corridor she was at to see...all she could see was the edge of the wall where it transitioned. Her gaze was locked on the door that had smoke slipping out of it still. She thought she saw bodies stumbling out, but whatever was coming from the door was thick enough where all she could see was shapes. They were limping. Dragging. Hunched. Injured. Dying.

Though eventually a figure stalked from the smoke of the Operations Center doorway. They were wearing medical blue. Moving with their shoulders stiff, not hunched with black curly locks dancing at the figure's shoulders. Their face was obscured by the smoke...or something.

She stood, staring at the figure as it came to a stop opposite of her at the T junction. Both of their shoulders next to the wall. They weren't going to operations were they. Changeling. Captive. Engineering. The corridor flashed red again before it completely darkened. Suddenly the red and black lighting was more dramatic. Like the world ceased between the flashes of the red alert lighting.

She blinked as the red hues lit the area around her and suddenly the EV suits were no longer there but a phaser in her hand. The black curly haired figure across from her also held a phaser. The face was still blocked...it confused her so much as she turned to finally look down the corridor to the right only to watch as a tendril of brown/orange coloration lashed out towards her. As her gaze turned to the figure across from her, fear gripped her tighter as instead of aiming at the tendril, the figure was aiming at her. 

The figure fired.

(( Private Quarters, Deck 12, USS Astraeus ))

Gwen gasped as she sat straight up in bed, her arms raising to protect herself. Breathing heavily she tried to gather herself...gather anything. 

oO I'm me. I'm alive. We didn't all die. Oo 

Uneven panicked breaths continued to escape the woman as she fought against the clutches of the nightmare. 

oO We somehow lived. Changelings weren't rampant. Other officers aren't trying to kill everyone. Oo

It was as if she was piecing things together to create a wall against the nightmare. As if it had happened a few times already. Nightmares had been her nightly friend since Federation Day. 

Something was different this time though? She couldn't. Gwen couldn't chase it away with facts. The memory of the tendril, the smoke, the figure...something was so different this nightmare that kept her heart hammering. It was as if the worst of everything had been shoved together. 

Emerald orbs shot towards the door to her and Sevan's room before she looked towards her roommate's form. Something in her told her to leave. She didn't know if it was the thudding in her chest or the fear of her emotions and nightmare hurting her Betazoid friend.

As if in auto pilot, Gwen quickly got ready. She didn't bother with her uniform and just threw on something that was presentable. Black workout tights, a loose fitting blue tee, and her boots. That and a quick brush running through her red wavy locks to tame them before she was gone.

The Ba'ku needed air. She assumed it was in the middle of the shift she always slept during. Or earlier or later...she didn't know and honestly didn't care. The pounding in her chest told her she just needed air. She wanted her home. Wanted to feel the breeze in her hair. Wanted the scent of the Ba'ku fields. Her calm. Her core. When she needed it the most it was nowhere close.

(( Arboretum, Deck 8, USS Astraeus ))

Gwen didn't realize where she was going till she stepped off the turbo lift to Deck 8. Her rushed footsteps brushed past those who still were working their shift. She didn't stop for pleasantries or conversation. Her chest was still pounding with the memory of the nightmare. That ball of knots she had so carefully kept bottled up for days and exploded in loose threads that made up her composure. It was as if someone had unraveled it and threw it about her chest like confetti.

It wasn't until Gwen blinked a few times that she realized she was standing in a clearing within the Arboretum. It wasn't a normal place she came to. There was a small tree  with some flowers and plants dotting the grass. Not far from the tree was part of the river. The pounding in her chest made it hard to tell if she was alone, but part of her didn't care. Gwen moved and pressed her back against the hard bark of the tree, closing her eyes and leaning her head back till she felt it thud gently against the tree.

A deep breath brought in the scents of the plants that surrounded Gwen now. A few more deep breaths followed while she tried to focus on calming the pounding in her chest. She didn't care about stuffing the knots of emotion and fear back into the capsule they had been internally placed in. For now she just needed to calm down. She didn't know when she'd started tearing up, she just knew that as she calmed, she could feel her cheeks were damp.

As the hammering in her chest slowed, Gwen slowly let herself sink. Using the tree to guide her down till she sat with her back pressed against the tree. In a fluid movement, the Ba'ku woman pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around them. Tucking against her knees to the best of her ability as she balled up. It felt comforting. It felt safe. It felt like for once, she could cry. She was alone after all...right? She'd been surrounded by others since everything. Either on duty or in med bay or in her room or back doing inspections. It had been constant.

Gwen briefly wondered if her body and mind had held her together just long enough till she could break down. So...without the willpower to fight against it anymore, Gwen just let herself feel each one of those knots of fear...of worry...of uncertainty...of everything she had balled up to get through that day. She had lived a calm life of solitary adventure and community on Ba'ku. Only now to be a part of Starfleet and deal with what she felt was the worst day she'd ever experienced.

She didn't know how long she sat there, balled up as she just broke down. Honestly she didn't care. What she didn't expect was a voice not terribly far off.

Matthews: Response

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Lieutenant JG Gwen'ora Tasen

Science Officer

USS Astraeus, NCC-70652

A240105GT2